sitting here
it's 2AM
I'm staring at a wall
the only thoughts I have
are of the memories
we
never
got
to
make

We are not
in the same boat,
but we are
in the same storm,
only,
you have a massive ship.
and all i have is a
canoe.

if i knew it would be the last time i could see you fall asleep,
i would've done more to keep you warm.
if i knew it would be the last time i get to see you walk out that door
i would've kissed you
and hugged you
and called you back for another kiss
if i knew it would be the last time i could hear your voice
i would've recorded you,
so i could listen to it over and over.
we live as if we still have loads of time to do what we want
but what if today was your last chance?

when I was alive
YOU avoided me like a plague.
now that I'm dead
you wanna cry at MY grave?
YOU bring flowers
I needed when I was alive.
YOU speak kind words
that would've changed MY awful life.
you say I was taken too soon,
but I was the one who decided
I wanna go to the moon.
this was MY choice,
MY voice,
MY blade,
and MY wrist!
So don't cry at my funeral
when you're the one that
pushed me to this point.

i read all our old text messages
first i laughed.
then i cried.

it's 2 AM
you're sleeping
i'm smoking
thinking of how you broke me

so maybe if i float around in the ocean
i can drown in something
other than my thoughts.