Have you ever
stood outside after a hard rain
sun low on the horizon
the slightest touch of darkness
caressing the edges
birdsong floating on silent air
Have you ever
been so moved by the enduring music
Goddess kissing your inner ear
soaking into your brain and
emerging as free flowing tears
emotion a tingling tightness
heart through the fingertips
Have you ever
felt the gravity increase
while the burden gets lighter
the simplicity of the complex
as sounds that can only exist
while complicated interpretations
dissolve in the pure
definition assigned by consciousness
as birds simply are birds

I watched someone almost die today
and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me
I see a life flash before my eyes
a million executions play like infernal theater
on multiple screens and the protagonist
keeps walking to the stop more afraid
of missing the bus than being run over
while the driver stares blankly, maybe thinking
about something they saw on Instagram
I am troubled by this but I’m feeling an odd
sense of bliss and reverence for my senses
flooded with multiple universes deserving
every bit of my attention indexed into
stories I tell my therapist laughing at
the absurdity of it all
the majestic tapestry woven
with uneven threads and patchwork
processes humanity has distilled into
averages and medians and experts
who think they’ve outwitted god
through postulating perpetual motion
towards Hell or Nirvana or Haley’s comet
whatever stops the itch
burning a hole in our collective consciousness
regardless of our upbringing we’re wired
to ask why are we ******* here
until the question becomes heavy
and our knees buckle and we
kneel at the feet of something
other than the ground we’re standing on

Seeking answers is a hobby I've taken
as seriously as a heart attack at Walmart
giving myself a ******* headache
taking everything as meaning something
because reality has to be real somehow
How do I know if I'm a good person
how do I know if life has purpose
if I have purpose or if my nervous stutter
and the peculiar way I stare into things
until I'm convinced I understand
means about as much as I'm assured
there's a higher power at the helm
overwhelmed with all our pedantic prayers
I don't know if I want everything
or if I simply want to survive
wondering why I have this instinct
fighting with overloaded stimulus
I dream of success as if it were a reflex
a response to the hammer tap tap tapping
at the back door of my mind
I'm kind to everyone because I know
what it's like to feel hatred for
all the sacred magic wrapped in plastic
but I've never learned how to be presentable
preventable scars blind me to the obvious
while pretending to be religious
and worship at the altar of typical
predictable and perfect *******
with a pretty bow and then everyone
will know that I'm a good person even though
I've got nothing to show for it
Acceptance, charisma, charming extrovert
perverted by societal norms
but it looks good on paper
tigers with no teeth, no claws
rage and pace around their cages
looking for an opportunity to ascend
transcend the mediocrity of being ordinary
Maybe there is no lesson
it's just a bunch of stuff that happens
and everyone but nobody is special
until we find ourselves