I love you but have no right
The center of God's heart
You shine so bright
I am so sorry
This is the only way
So I must go away
I cannot help but drown
In you
You are all I ever wanted
More so
Everything I ever needed
Yet still so much more
I know I've hurt you
I cannot do it again
I'm doing this for you
You will flourish
This is all I want for you
Only so without me
Anic
Please take this as a blessing
You never needed me
Not the way I need you
I'm setting you free
Essentially
To Grace you your full potential
I cannot help but cry
As I reminess
The times I felt such love
The times I ******* up
With this poem
I free you of me
This is the end of me
The beginning for you
Please understand
I do this for you!

No longer knowing the veil between
What's real and what isn't
A mind left to wander
Among ruins hopeless
On different paths
Remnents of a heart
Cast out for survival
Amidst the scurry of ferals
Banished knowing its betrayal
T'ward seeking wisdom
Eventually a mind at peace
The resting place for one's shell

My dreams

Lucid

Of moments I see you

Each time I crumble

The sight of a fearful Angel

An Angel tormented

A past figure

Only bringing pain

A figure I'd never wanted to be

For what it's worth

I am so sorry

Invisible
Irrelevant

Feelings
A mix of chemistry
I'd thought ceased to be
The thought of me with somebody
Feelings
I'd felt were dead
Outside of this poetry platform
I've used for healing
Now for someone I'm again feeling

I do not fear my end
So I freefall
Gracelessly
Out of control

Without you
But
For you
As
I was never good for you

Nogsteeds sit ek hier
Onder die puin van gister
My hart en gedagte
n opoffering vir jou
Om vir jou gelukkig te wees
Ek het geweet
Dit gaan my sou vermoor
Maar vir jou moes ek dit doen
Nou net 'n skaduwee
Van Wie ek was
My familie verloor oor wie ek is
*** kan ek aan gaan
Maar ek moet
Vir die mensdom
Vir die herinnering aan u
Ek sal opoffer wat oor is
Want dit is geen manier om te leef nie
As 'n holle dop hou ek jou tot aan die einde

I haven't the heart
To get close
To look into your eyes
To see what I've become
Within eyes of ocean blue
Soulfully penetrating
Fearful
Of emptiness I hold
Disappointment
From an Angel
Soul shattering
Self inflicted

I miss you so much
For my heart, you are it's crutch
Without you so lost
For this I cannot get past
You're all I need and so much more
Just take my hand, let's close the door
Take my soul, it's already yours
Give me your soul, let us open new doors
I need nothing more than you
So let us be two
Two on a mission
Purest of intention
I want to hold you
Its simple really, I need you
I need to kiss you, then it's your discretion
I hope it's a kiss that leaves a lasting impression
So much so as to change our relation
Your faith I will carry proudly
Firstly
My Angel, I need you
with me
To show me the way
Let's fall inlove
Will you be my queen
Let's rise above
Let nothing come inbetween

I am that which is lost
I am the departed
Merely something which no longer exists

2nd dose down
Burning me to the ground
From inside out
The only thought for comfort
The one I live without

My dreams my solice
Existence my bane
Living always with so much pain

Again dreaming
Energy depleting
Yearning still
The silence of night
With the woman I still love

Stand with me in the mirror
Tell me what you see
All I can guarentee
That I see is definitely thee
Unfortunately
That which you see
That's no longer me
For I murdered he
Only to live without she
I wish ever so to let it be
Yet still so haunted by memory

Something to get straight
As if u boxing a crate
It's none other than myself
Forbidden amidst the top shelf
I can't relate
All I do is self desolate
In this world I feel like an elf
Ever gazing for that top shelf
Here I self isolate
Watching as passer-by's come to desecrate

Life isn't what it seems
Sometimes all we have is our dreams
A little lucidity between the seams
Something to show us what it all means

My homeland
Under siege
Looted and burned
To free the corrupt
The ignorance of a nation
Indoctrinated into chaos
Yet here I sit
Hoping only for the safety
The safety of all I love so dearly
Be it the love I have
The love I never had
My concerns only
For the safety of all
Where pieces of my heart resides

When will the inner me
The subconscious *****
Get a grip
You were never hers
Those soft eyes
The true stairway to heaven
The very same eyes that only saw pain
Reflections of my own distraught world
It was only care
She never loved you
Get it into your head!

Forget it

She's permanently etched
Deep within
Along fibres and neurons
From thought to coping mechanisms

You were mearly her friend
Wait
Acquaintance at most
You ****** it all up though
Just someone she now wishes she'd never known

Lee's dead
It all got to his head

For the life of me
Could our two worlds not collide
Just once more
Once more to last
Forever more

I know now
Exactly
The monster I am
Thank you
I guess
For letting me know
Goodbye

Her heart
The Grandest Sunflower
Not to wild but free
I wouldn't catch it
My fear, saved her
I had to let her be
Only truly free
Without me

Morning lies
My trial for error
Hearings and lawyers
My boss and his wife
Three indivuduals
I've to convince
I'm sorry
Then
Why it happened?
How could I tell them
These things in my brain
Roots to likes classified
Something I myself denied
A penalty cursing through time
With no resemblance of my old sight
I really did not mean to start a fight
It's just I've truly lost my might
You see I'm afraid I'll never someones knight
Self demise, my very own plight
I guess it's now time for me
To drift off into the night

Show me a place
The place of light
Your inner grace
My inner most delite

Standing in fistfuls of blood
Shattered glass pulled to the floor
A man in hand
His doings unquestionable
Undeniable to my community
My actions just
To civilians surprise
My inner
Enraged by stupidtiy
Pained by loss
What it'd taken to release
My worlds might
I cannot project
Not my pain unto others
Standing aside
As law enforcement arrived
The situation contained
My muse
Saving not only I from
My pain
Saving mens lives
With her drive

Life's mysteries
That which I'd prayed
To change
Realizing
It couldve been better for me
It would've only been worse for you

Two shotguns
Aimed at our heads
Six more men
We were **** out of fortune
A horde looting
Our lives on a line
Held up in broad daylight
Until they'd left with nothing to spare
Savages to which
My men's lives
Meant as much as a case of beer
All in mind
The safety of my men
Whether I'd ever see her face again

I know you're home
Its kind of hard when you're my neighbour
I want so badly just to say hello again
To look into your eyes and feel okay
I just had to be the *****
I won't lie I was scared
Just those few words ****** it all up
Now out of place
I can't even talk to you
I know it's for the best though
You're happy now and I see that
I'm happy for you I really am
Although I'm dying inside
Scavenging what remains of myself
All I wish for Is to see you again
To have the courage to tell you
I miss you
I know I haven't the right
Its not what it may seem though
I'd just like to be friends again
Although it's an impossibility
Due to my arrogance
This is why I sit downstairs
In solitary
I'm sorry again
I miss you so much

I want you
To be you
With me
Til eternity
Just us two
Me and you

For love I pushed the Dearest away
When all I want is to hold her
Burning within to this day
Could she have been my cure
The miracle I saught to save
Instead saving me
Ones kind too rare
Now lost in the wake
Seeing her be swept away
The best for her sake
Happy for her I wade off indismay
In silence and poetry I break
Solitarlily I fade

I miss you more than I can bare
But we had our time together
And I have to let you go

Last night I got arrested
I snapped and strangled a coworker
I couldn't see nor hear
Fueled by pure rage
I had to fight myself to let go

Then it happened again
I went for the next one

Safe to say
I really have issues

I'm jobless now
Still the family disappointment
Now the delinquent too
Being dropped off some time to midnight
A convoy of police vans

My whole neighbourhood
I guess now they all see the delinquent in me

I've lost the plot
My mind societies game
Just another pawn

I really do have more problems than I'd hoped for

Left still to wonder
This pain inside unseen
Hopefully soon I can figure out my way
To never again be seen

At first she were just a girl
Beauty an understatement
Heart of purest gold
Mind of the highest Queen
In touch so gentle
A love too strong
In a world so cold
Apon you wish I only the greatest
For a love of mine you did become
Keep strong in faith
Your future guided
Toward great horizons you shall glide
Through waters of love
Showered with light
The positivity you unfurl
It'll lead you well
The greatest journey
I wish for you

Oh how I've prayed and plea
In excruciating agony
To be free
For you and me
I feel as if thee
Were all for me
But I had to flea
Impossible I'd thought for us to be
To realise unfortunately
I couldn't even save me

Back at it self studying
Psychology
When all I'd thought
Life's what you make it out to be
Then again
It's never been for me
I'd only realized this
Knowing it wouldn't be us til eternity

Be it he
Or be it me
Forth through time
Shall it ever be
Me
The one who chased away
HER
My Guardian Angel
With you goes
The remains of me
The core of my heart
For yours it will always be

Her faded touch
Etched deeply in memory
How must I carry such
For what never was mine
An evening alone
I lay beside her
Nothing in my mind
Not pain
No consequence
I felt only love
In a moment
Flashed images
An entire life
Never to be mine
How can I carry this
For what is most likely to be
Another man's wife

Today I wept
Amidst a thousand bodies
The smell of lavender
Brought only your scent
Then too
Your warmth
Your smile
Your hearbeat through your embrace
For the final time
I walk away to forget you
It's been months since we last spoke
A few days since I walked away
Yet still it feels like I loved you just yesterday
This moment forth
I can no longer let you riddle my mind
With this my last poem
Of you
Whom I loved so dearly
In such mysterious ways
Ways I could never understand
Ways I hope he loves you
Goodbye
Anic
A coward to have never said it to your face
I couldn't knowing you'd cry
I know you waited to see me
Before I'd left
I'll never forget your last word
"Hey"
As I'd walked away
Nor could I forget the look in your eyes
The pain and uncertainty
Just know it was never my plan to hurt you
I only ever wanted the best for you
By some miracle you read this someday
I did love you
You'll forever be
What I felt to be
The truest love
Of all time
Surely this the reason you're so hard to forget
Take care
I wish you well

Dearest Anic
Tu es un amour
Tu es léger
Tu es tout ce dont tu auras jamais besoin

I get it now

I saw so much in her
Perfect in every imperfection.
Heart of pure love
A smile that warmed my broken heart
The dream girl I'd always imagined
Intentions so pure.

My Hearts
Fallen Angel


All I needed
Life material you might say

But I

A stupid heart reduced to coal, mercury arteries, yes my intentions were true but I had to be the idiot to question Her!

No-one will ever know of this but I truly did love her

I loved her smile
The way it warmed me from the inside

The way she'd play with her hair liquifying the inner crevasses of this heart

I loved how kind hearted she was and how she cared so much but I always believed she deserved better realizing I am tormented, a burden unbaringly deserved.

I should've said what I felt
I should've kissed her

Instead leant Apon the door
I wouldnt allow myself

I looked You in the eyes and shot myself

Although all I wanted was to see you
I couldn't for your own good
You knew it was coming
That's why you ask dme to leave you alone
So it wouldn't be as painful

A Necessary Sacrifice
Your Happiness and Well being
All I want for you

Til time flies and paths not overstep

I'll be wishing you well

From a Place, Time and Location Never Known

Just as much the mystery to me than you

In search of

Answers

Questions

Knowledge

Wisdom

Of

LOVE

A piece of Myself I could never forget because of You

Why did it have to be you
I never wanted this to be
I couldn't have given you eternity
For the first time in my life
I'd loved so hard
A love that couldn't be
I would not break you
My intentions pure
My influence poison
You were perfect just as you were
I hope you haven't changed
Oh what I'd give to see your smile again
Just to see you happy
A happiness I could never give you
That's all I'd ever wanted
Your heart so pure
A love unparalleled

I wish we'd never met
You're just too hard to forget

This morning I stood in the rain
Unafraid of illness
Not bothered by the cold
Something moved me
I couldn't explain what
Delusional again
I felt her
I felt her smile
I'd heard she was well
Someone told me she was happy

For the love that never was mine nor ever shall be

I am proud of you
You're doing great
Keep your chin up
You can handle anything
I ** you
I miss you

I'm tired of denying myself what feels most right
Until I see you again
I hope you sleep tight
Til that moment I look in your eyes
To see if you let me in
I still love you
I will not allow myself to walk away again

A girl I loved
Well
A girl I love
She used to write poetry
I asked about it
Knowing I shouldn't have
I wasn't worthy of her love
I needed to break my own heart
To hear her say she doesn't love me
I was lost

Of late heavy hearted
Hollow
Withdrawn
Unidentifiable
I felt something
Something calling
To clear my mind
I journeyed oncemore
The cemetery of me
To see a year later a glint
In the spectrum of love
A poem

Only to be written by her
Painfully
Longing and yearning
To love Blue
I feel her writings
Every last one
I want to be Blue
Is Blue really me
It cannot be
Although
I want nothing other
Than to be Blue
What must I do
Do I draw near

A hot shower
Had me in tears
Not even hot water on this cool evening
Could bring me the warmth
Of your smile alone

I feel my heart crumbling
A weakened beat
Lacking motivation
To beat any longer

This war in my head
Without end
My once trophied mind
Torn and tormented
Now a rusted bell
From actions regretful

My heart lost
Yearnfully seeking you
In everything I do
From the once favorite hobby
To the long sit talking to the moon
It always returns to you

For you
My golden arrow
Wedged so elegantly
Inside my chest
Self-inflicted
What I've done to you
My damning

Could I once more
Find peace in your heart
Warmth in your touch
Love in your tone
The fire in your mind
That light so bright

Who am I
But only a lost lover
For my love I did find
Fearful I'd hurt you
I had to leave
Day after day
This haunts me
Down I plummet
Beneath rock bottom
In you I found peace
I found true love
You are so close
Yet so far
Only to be further
I love you
Oh how I wish I'd told you
Although you already knew
For you I give my heart
I need it not where I go
Just know that I'll always love you
No matter the time
Nor the distance
You are always
The love I lost forever

I'm sorry
I'm dying
Soon heartless
So with this
I might as well
Do as I was taught
Help others
With this time I've left

I get it
Hopefully it brought you closure
Just understand this
I did as I did
For you
For you alone
It tore me apart
Far from the point
I'd done it all for you
I had to leave
My presence your toxicity
My absence your healing
Many things went unsaid
Most likely best that way
I do wish you well
Only ever
I could never be mad
Not with you
I wish you well
In health
In life
In love

I'll be around
For a while
It's no doubt
Weary
Lost
Hoping that the day I see you again
You're happy
You're loved
You're smiling
This is all I want
It's all I've ever wanted
For you
I just hope
You don't see
What's left of me