Brisk
The two different meanings
We'd spent an hour analyzing
How long ago
What I'd give to talk to you again
To see your light
Only to see you shine so bright
No matter what we'd talk of
You brought out my light
On days like there
Brisk
I want nothing but you
Your presence
Your love

I'm just a should have been
Could have been
Never was and never ever
Will be
I was just the friend
The neighbour
Overstepped my welcome
Drawn by purity
Defeated by love
A weakened heart
The broken mind
Drove me insane
Drove me away
Fully accepting
My poor decisions
My insensitive choice of words
My ignorance

The role of the bad guy

For you to live peacefully
For you to be happy
You awoke something dormant
Something powerful
Within me
As if your eyes were your key
Seemingly tailor made

I'll forever carry you in my heart
At my weakest you were my light

Teaching me
Moulding me
Releasing me

I can no longer think of you
My thoughts your torment

I leave you to be
As we weren't meant to be

I'm proud of you
To have called you my friend
My hearts first true love

The love you are to spread
His gift to the world

You are so bright
Brighter than you'd ever know
Bright enough to revive a darkened soul

Goodbye my Friend
Goodbye Anic

Thank you
For saving me

Now go forth
Spread love and healing
You're good at it

In God's name
I pray for you
I wish you the greatest
The most wonderful
The holiest
The most loyal and loving
You deserve nothing but the greatest
For you are and always will be

Goodbye Anic
Goodbye my Friend

I get it
Hopefully it brought you closure
Just understand this
I did as I did
For you
For you alone
It tore me apart
Far from the point
I'd done it all for you
I had to leave
My presence your toxicity
My absence your healing
Many things went unsaid
Most likely best that way
I do wish you well
Only ever
I could never be mad
Not with you
I wish you well
In health
In life
In love

I dreamt of you
I dreamt I lay aside you
Your head arest my chest
My fingers scribbling
I was actually writing
Writing about you
Your every beauty
From soul to being
Could I tell you this
Out of place
We're strangers now

The mark has been made
The X of pain
Crimson it flowed
As tears
Cowardice
For I couldn't handle it
I ran again
The X of cowardice
Shaking
Trembling
Because I saw you again

This morning I stood in the rain
Unafraid of illness
Not bothered by the cold
Something moved me
I couldn't explain what
Delusional again
I felt her
I felt her smile
I'd heard she was well
Someone told me she was happy

For the love that never was mine nor ever shall be

I am proud of you
You're doing great
Keep your chin up
You can handle anything
I ** you
I miss you

Blood stains
Body pains
My sanity
Bringing clarity
Purpose defined
Skills refined
For love I did deny
Only so to get by
Knife wounds
Healing my mind
For I was born a fighter
Thus I could never be your lover

I need you to forget
Forget him and all you saw in him
I've buried him
He was weak
He wanted nothing
Other than to love you

He ran
For you
His cowardice and actions in silence
His Sacrifice for you
To prosper
You'll always be the Angel of his eye
The sole heir to his heart

He walked away though
His greatest regret
The regret that shattered him
Torn apart at every seam
He loved you more than himself

Although
We both know he couldn't make you happy
Neither can what he's become
What stands in his image
Is not him anymore
It's me
If I speak for him

He still loves you
We both agree
You deserve so much better
Forget him
This can't go on
Neither him or I
Have place in this world
Let alone place in your magnificent heart

You never needed him
Not the way he needed you
We did this for you
You've moved on
For the best

He tried
He failed
There is not other like you
Carry that with you
Your love so pure
As he'd said
A love to pure for this world

He missed his chance
Now let him rest
Forget about him
Allow what's left of his soul
To die

Along with what remains of his flesh
He never wanted to be in this world
Not until he'd met you
That's in the past
It's nothing either him or I could figure a way to fix
You're better off without him
Besides
Liams' gone now

I know I haven't the right
Yet still I dream of you at night
I dream of the first time we'd been introduced
That moment I was instantly seduced
I dream of you laughing
You're always smiling
Your every move graceful
Impossibly beautiful

I lay here now

I just want to love you

Questioning how

How could I have loved you

I can feel you
Forgetting me
I've never been
Happier
For you

If I could ask anything of God

Do I ask him to show you that you deserve only the greatest love in the world and I'm far from it or do I ask him for the means to give you only the greatest love in the world
To receive your love from another world

To thee I bid
Farewell
Tis best
I restrain
Further complications
Wish full avoided
I do love thee
Actions understood
I walk away
A final stride
Away from thou
The first true love
The friend I no longer have
I wish thee well
I wish
Prosperity
Love
Happiness
Qualities only found
In you

My pain
I will vanquish
This way the only i know
I'd saught for years
The greatest wisdom
An all powerful knowledge
To fix the world
Yet I failed
To fix me first
I'd lost myself
In you
Then I ran
Spluttering.
Speaking words
Lies from a dying heart
I've treated it so cruely
Denied my own love
More so the fact
You never needed me

Tearing me apart
Agonizingly steady
Self destructively
This a burden
This pain
I'll have to carry
In dedication
To the service
Of humanity
Rightiously
The right hand
Of God
My trials and tribulations
To have earned my place
In the Holy Lands
Where I oneday hope to see


You

Serafic
Golden in Aura
As beautiful as the day I first saw you
To hear you Laugh
Even just once more
To hear you lived a Happy life
To know your Soul will live Peacefully Forever
To know you've been Truly Loved
For all that ou are
For all You ever will be

What cruel items
Mirrors
Why would someone create such things
I looked in one today
The first time in months
Fearing what I'd see
I was right
I couldn't recognize that person
Eyes hollow
Skin porcelain
Face expressionless
Then to
Looking at old photos
Comparing
What happened to that guy
The one who loved
The one who cared
The one with a plan
Now callus
Eyes cold
Future unditermined
Life meaningless
Fading
This isn't what I wanted
Losing myself
I created this monster
This is what I am to live with
My burden

As I sit here drowning it all out
Crickets and cycada
Breaking the silence
The silence of you
Your many voices
Taken once as a blessing
No longer
Now I listen for the croaking toad
The cars driving by
Noises of the city
My overactive mind
Now at bay
When will the day come
The day I no longer hear you
The day I'm free
I'm not with you
I never was
I don't want this anymore
I need solace
I need you out of my head

Traveled half way
Across the globe
Yet you're still with me
My head in turmoil
My heart a mess
Now coming home
Pulse slowing
Knees jittering
Apon this airport table top
Six hours to a flight
I wish not to board
Do I disappear
Do I climb aboard
Will I see you
Can I come home
To be without you

Where do I go
Knowing nothing
Not fearing death

Into the abyss
Devoid
Cold
I fit the picture now
I've lost it all
Truly Free
Independant
Fearless
Dangerous
Facing heights and cliffs with an urge
An urge to glide
Though for my family
I push through
The abyss
Atop my left shoulder
Guiding me
Through pain
Through silence
Through my sacrifice
The sacrifice I made of myself
My sanity
For you

I know not
How much longer I can do this
How much longer I can carry this facade
I cannot do this
Without you
I had to though
I thought it'd be best
For you
This hole in my chest
Your absense
I don't know if I can do this
Weaker by the day
But I have to
For my family
I'm fighting everyday
Fighting for them
The way I wish I'd fought for you
Each day getting harder
Longer
Emptier
Colder
How do I go on
I really don't know
Call me dramatic
You could never understand
I miss you
I still love you
I can't live this way much longer
I need you
I've always needed
You

Have you ever met someone
Someone who's smile alone
Gave you peace
Joy
Love
The hope of a better world

Oh how hard it is to watch the person you love waste away with someone they don't truly love
Call it a hunch
It was in her eyes
I know what I saw
I know what I felt
So many things unsaid
So many chances passed away
So much love cast astray
The things I wish I could say
The things I'd never get to say
I just want to save you
The way you saved me

I'm not very certain
What will come in the end
All I know is it involves a gun
And a pen

Oh how I've run
So so many times
I ran to the military
I ran away from you
Nothings ever hurt more
Not making selection
Roamed France
No path found
Returned
Anew
Redefined
Tweaked
Still wondering
Could I face you again
Even briefly
I guess time will tell
I just mustn't run
Not again

I broke the law today
Swimming in Gods creation
The Ocean
So calm
So graceful
Soothing my soul
The way you did
Simply sitting next to me
Talking
Keeping my mind busy
If only I'd reached out for you
The way I did in my strides
To take you in
To have you close to me
Feeling your heart beat against mine
To set weary souls at peace
I wish I'd have run my fingers along your arms
To have kissed you
Serene bliss
But just like the ocean
I had to walk away
Fearing I'd cause trouble
The way I always do

Lost in the deepest forest
Of my clouded mind
Treversing rugged terrain
Climbing sheer cliff-faces
Then thinking of taking the short way down
Lost pretty much everything
Just my family
Keeping me going
Their wellbeing and your face
All that kept my step back
I couldn't hurt my family
I'll carry on as best I can
For the chance I see you
To show you I've been strong
Hopefully to see Happy
To say I'm proud of you
To hear you say you're proud of me

I dreamt I'd died
That I'd stood aside and watched my funeral
Only to see you there
I couldn't move
I couldn't speak
I was trapped
Watching you cry
It'd made me weak
To the point I woke
Only to cry myself
To sleep again

Why do I feel you
Everywhere I go
I've come to terms
With what I'd done
Although still
I feel the need to see you again
Even briefly
Although it's best not to
I think, I assume
But I hope still
To see you someday
To see you smile
To know you are okay
Even from a far
I just need to know you are okay