"There is no poetic beauty in pain."
I am learning this slowly.
My hands still shake when it's past 2 in the morning
and breathing isn't easy most nights.
I am not poignant with my words
and some days it's hard to get out of bed.

This is my adolescence:
A tangled mess of dismantled almosts
and empty promises scribbled messily on the back of restaurant napkins.
It's stolen kisses in sleepy coffee shops,
failing chemistry,
driving recklessly,
and staying up late on lonely nights to watch the sunrise.

There are days where I'm convinced life shines
with a brilliance unknown to me,
so I continue on and live for those days.
Those days where breathing comes a little easier and I remind myself
that everything happens for a reason.
I hope you find these days where all you know is basked in a vibrance you've only read about.

Live for those days.
Live for me.

(inspired by cute crazy's "unfair")*

I
  loved
    you
      for
        who
          you­
            are...

and
  you
    threw
      me
        away
  ­        for
            who
                
                  *I­  wasn't

I won't call
I won't cry
But you already know
That's a bold - faced lie
Your eyes bring me back
To the place I call home
Where everything can be fixed
Do you know what I mean
Can't you see the words are real
When my soul collapses at your touch
Love is the only certainty I feel
But I don't dare admit
Not a word can be breathed
Fear fills me overflowingly
Scared shitless on my own
For our fate dictates things
Beyond our control is the decision
That could **** me or give me wings

All these words can mean well but they can never say it plain
For all the things I want to express would paint me insane
Simple phrases could be the key
So I admit I truly love you
And deeply hope you do not flee

Slice the cover
Grab your heart
Nothing left inside myself

So I'm forced to steal
Forced to die alone
Never knowing the privilege of family

But who can give me a soul
I've craved to care, but never could
Sitting alone, bastardized, and broken

So I take what I can't have
Leave you in my place
Calling out to this empty world of hate

Little ones they run, forever young,
Avoiding the pain while strung
Upon their good times with glib tongues.

Confide, Relied, And Died.
Slip, Slide, Rip, Glide.

Never could they see my bleeding soul
That dripped the color charcoal,
Yet for me, there was no extol.

The light shone through those eyes
And what it does to me defies
All life has shown me it implies.

Confide, Relied, And Died.
Slip, Slide, Rip, Glide.

I fight the demon with these words
To ensure the avoidance of hazards
Of the knife, in hope of being lovebirds.

Sighed, Relied, And Guided.
Pried, Tried, Beside Her, I Flied.