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240 · Feb 2018
Idiolect
Who is the substance for language that we will into existence, given to the pattern of signs and functions which comprise it?

Certain propositions can cause alterations unto our
suppositions, and even our very modes-of-cognition.
Emotion is the propagation of altered states, modes-of-affection. Own it.
239 · Jan 2021
Drifting Off
on a bed of quantum foam
clothed in pink noise
and enthalpic thoughts
dreaming of An Entheon lost
yet ❡alway remains
unto Ages of Ages.
237 · Sep 2019
Out Of The West
The thought struck me,
How long it has been.
How long it seems,
But I wonder

whether it's that
you learn to live with a cleft heart
or that you replace a part here and there
until it no longer resembles whatever you once felt.

Memory's at the chasm. Guilt,
I wish I'd been better. Say I look better. D'I feel better?
What to do other than write ode to GABA, one for the Irish.

Earlier I took a low dose of phenibut,
Three-quarters of a gram,
Perhaps equivalent to a pint.
Mild result, tired now, my eyelids
are heavy with the experience of it all.
I fall asleep
to Skinshape's
Left With A Gun.
232 · Jul 2022
On The Cusp
I am apprehensive about dating,
It's something I feel I should pursue
while I'm still young; part of me wishes
to come closer, yearning for someone other,
To stand outside oneself and be with another.

Another part of me takes comfort in solitude,
My old soul is content, the sun goes down.
There are times when I reject warmth
and feel the cold universe
run through me;

Eternity is always just a few moments away,
Seeking the edge of chaos, searching for someone
intelligent, decent.
At the heart of any analytic or scientific endeavor is logic,
Simple components used to build more complex propositions
which picture a way the world could be.

Any logical statement can be true or false
depending on its validity
and correspondence with the world.

The issue of correspondence, of soundness, will always foreground any application of logic to the world.

Logic can sate that analytic desire for objectivity or universality but this comes at the cost of certainty.

There is a limit to the amount of simultaneous precision one can impose upon the world.

Regardless of whether it is in the spatial, temporal, or cognitive domain, the nature of focus is exclusionary.
One cannot know with exactitude, both position and momentum, time and frequency, being and becoming, and so on.

Our ability to use logic is critical to us, it is a defining human characteristic and indeed is that thing which enables us to be critical.

The application of logic, representation and an ability to turn in unto itself (i.e. to verify its internal coherency) is its power.
Logic is always applied for purposes.


At the heart of poetry is the act of poiesis, the process of creation which reconciles mind and world.

We may say this of any artistic or aesthetic process (and indeed, art will abuse logic or go against reason for the sake of expression).

Such a process indubitably corresponds to the world in the instances of its creation, and there is certainty as to its correspondence.

What’s more, an aesthetic may be felt by others.
The logical contents of a poetic sentence may be invalid
but can still be meaningful (for otherwise it would not be poetic).

Poetry and lyric are inextricably bound up in language.
They closely track the threshold of reason and logic, but toe the line.

The possibility for meaningful communication arises independent from the probability of logical communication.
Meaning need not correspond to logic.
However, aisthesis is in the eye of the beholder,
and in this way art has is own issue of correspondence which is between others; thus it is an issue of interpretation.

Where logic strives for objectivity and is left with uncertain truths,
Poetry strives for inter-subjectivity but does not know it’s reach.


So things can be connected by meaning and felt as well as by cause and reasoned, but the relationship between meaning and causality then
is not a logically necessity
so much as meaningful necessity.

To establish a firmer contact between the two domains, we must constrain them through a practical bridge. There are many such crossings, but the stability of this bridge is most apparent in poetry.

Looking closely we see a relationship between phenomenal signs
and we fill in the empty spaces with proposed causes
such that it fulfills both meaning and logic.
The downfall of analytic philosophy
is its disdain for poetry.
230 · Oct 2016
Title (optional)
I wrote you a poem but
"                                           "
I deleted it instead of posting.
Quote:
Line Two-INPUT_MISSING_FUNCTION-

I wish I could feel enough to write with conviction.
228 · Nov 2019
Pharmacophenomenology
My ventures into substance, be they
pharmacological or pharmacopathic, have me;
And I, ever-curious as to their nature, sought counsel
in psychoactives as if they were an extension of myself, being.

Were they, those instances, representative of a coupling
that bears upon my cognitive system, or was I engaging
in pathetic fallacy on an altered scale.

What's that intuition
some of us have come across in our travels, that
each mode of hallucination
shines a new light on abiogenesis, and on the end
of life itself; allows us to sit with it

and ease into those concepts, where self
is among it's reflection, we muse on
being, content with the universe.
228 · Aug 2023
Apostatic
G-town hasn't changed.
Same city, different crowd.
Year-in, year-out.

All the same "His Praise Remains
unto Ages of Ages"
across this weathered domain.

Old highs, new lows. Homesick for infinity
and lost in the throes.

Another pub, club, afters, rave. I forget sometimes
the world is not such a malevolent place.

Same conversation, different heads.
Once I felt more connected, now I am far away.
Been meaning to take an empatheogen with someone

to remind me
the world is not such a malevolent place.
People are all that matter.
Enough of this dark ****.
Asking me "bro, do you even know
how hard it is to **** yourself"
after taking potentially fatal doses
of various CNS depressants. I know

better than most. I cannot watch this.
Our lifelines are fragile things
and I shouldn't have to stare down Atropos
for anyone other than myself.
I wanna live.

"I want to hold on to the innocence I got".
We make our own fate, weaving stories
to tell ourselves, measuring the world
with them, and wearing our destinies out.
Another of our friends' died.

Quote:
Line Fourteen from It's Just A Lot by K.Flay
224 · Apr 2021
Antistrange
In the evening
we titrated our doses
cautiously insufflating DMXE
until its threshold appeared; old hope,
That one could return
to the m-verse.

We listened to thumping drumcode
and watched a Soviet adaptation
of The Lord of the Rings.
Nonsensical  contexts were generated by
the juxtaposition of techno with our Russian Frodo
and Gandalf the Red.

I consumed no more than 7mg
and enjoyed little over two hours
of mild dissociation, pleasant warmth
and good company before the effects began to gently fade.
It is worthy of further assessment, but carefully
given its current age.
Perhaps this new generation
of arylcyclohexylamines
show some promise.
Some bad habits
are etched into us.

I drank Havana Club
'tres años' to ring 20β2 in,

Surrounded by a few friends
(and honored to call them such),

I worry sometimes they're too good
for me. I am torn by my history, in 20ζ2

I am between selves.
I reach for you, because
I miss that rueful innocence
we had, when our only concern
was so venturous.
222 · Mar 2018
Nyktelion Disclosure
This darkness, its warmth; those moments,
Their permanence, they're permanent; these
words ring with something I will not abandon,

Something real; it locks part of my soul, listening
for two minutes and forty-two seconds to the sound
of lake control.
The light of my laptop feeds my knowledge-hungry mind
through a pair of data-dilated eyes. Perhaps we should
forgo the neuro- and just let those sleeping dogs lie.
221 · Jan 8
Eight Days Into 2025
After a long break I feel refreshed,
I had been working such that
my focus was waning.

Semper amicis hora,
I must pray and work
with love, rhythm and change.
Grá rithim agus athrú.
220 · May 2021
True Delusions
Innocuous moments stretch through the night
like unwritten nostalgia
condemned to change forever.
220 · Sep 2023
Eternal September
Everything seems to be happening at once:
Memories of every night out blur into one,
Aspirations to manifest now after so long,
And I am off-valence, so willing to be lost, to gain or be bound.

I wonder at our capacity for spontaneity
and wish I had asked for help sooner.

These sways don’t stop, the only thing to soothe them
is music. Those tunes are the most
reliable way this anxiety fades.
"Know thyself"
-inscription in the forecourt of the Temple to Apollo at Delphi
218 · Sep 2020
Arke
I long for your saccades
and their intimacy.
I want to feel fulfilment
in the closeness of your gaze.
216 · Nov 2020
Early Is The Umbra
I sacrificed my creativity at the alter of some therapy.
I relapsed on existence, tortured by egotism.
I wandered off in a hurricane, chased
by something, it brought me beyond
our breathable atmosphere. I'm alright with it,
This. Whatever I feel; I live.
God does not give me strength but,
Nothing will. Being and darkness envelope
everything
becomes a comfort; safe
here.

I don't need to tell you
how much or how sorry,
Truly, I'm losing it, this, my

passion, my hopes for music
and writing. I am in longing
for the session, in memory;
Fleeting, I don't seem to be here, so I become
so much and way less than who I was back then.
I'd give you my arm, my neck, any body part you'd
accept. Those things just weigh on me.
I wanted to stare down mydriasis,
To bask in that sunlessness which defines an eclipse,
And to that end I succeeded.
215 · Feb 2022
Clean
I'm sick of believing in things.
Lets break the dialectic
and go for a swim
To Hide To Seek
(Comaduster),

To bathe
in the Lethe.
211 · Aug 2019
Water
Sometimes I'm afraid
if I were to be gentle with myself
I would break.

I write down this thought
I had in the shower, and after sitting with it
realize I'm not broken.
Forgive yourself for something.
209 · Jul 2021
Garden Variety Anxiety
Last night the claw in my head ensnared me again,
This morning I listen to myself and try to forget.
Give me some early Caribou, Booka Shade,
Chemical Brothers, anything to help me
forget. Anything to make me feel;
Any anything‽ True neutral,
Like it's any better
than you:
My history, stories
about the town. My psychology,
Mental isn't it, we only know what's behavioral.
Things otherwise meaningless
crop up in memory.
What's trauma?
People so colorful.
Why is my heart grey,
Why does my head fade,
Why would someone chose
to seek comfort?
It took many years to track down the compound
but I finally acquired it in the spring of '21.

It caused increases in timbral perception and aural acuity.
I could hear marching drums coming from the city center,
From across the lough I could pick out their faint rhythms.

At times things sound as if they've been shifted a 5th down
or have reverberant/echoic tails on them.

My housemate found it hard to understand me
when I neglected to pronounce my consonants
because I was not paying attention to the higher frequencies.
Despite this the cognitive effects are gentle
and unobtrusive (which is relieving
as tryptamines can produce confusion,
in concert with their enhancement and suppression cycles).

Music is listenable at this dose, and sense of rhythm intact;
Would that be the case at higher doses?

During the offset my ears felt warm,
Waves of spontaneous physical sensation washed over them.
This tingling feeling reoccurred a couple times
over the next day, albeit faintly.

Interesting that there would be an aural psychedelic.
Intriguing that other base tryptamines should be inclined
towards other sensory modalities.

DiPT for sound, MET for vision, MiPT for touch;
What sense DMT, DET, and DPT affect is unclear.
As is, the known psychedelics have a broad range
of effects. The particular specializations of the xxTs
are most curious.
Ingested 30mg of diisopropyltryptamine on 30/07/2021 at 21:37.
Excellent experience, necessitates further inquiry; high priority.

According to other reports DiPT breaks our musical scales
in a rather odd way. What might this say about the relationship between
music and mind, and can psychedelic geometry can tell us anything about
the topology of mind? I wonder would it be possible
to replicate DiPT's aural effect using audio software.
The rather sparse literature speculates that
"[t]he subjective decrease in frequency of sounds is a fixed value
which leads to... jarring distortion of harmonic intervals"
(Shulgin, Alexander T. in "DiPT: The Distortion of Music" 27).
This should be possible to model into an audio processing FX unit.

Not "everybody needs a 303" but
every audio engineer should consider taking DiPT.
209 · Jun 2020
Dusk Keyframes
Another summer, lone wanderer
soaring through empty streets;
High on the city's quietness,
I chase the sky's hue: an indigo fade
calls to memory, asks of it to another place.
Cradled by the vibrant melodies
of my Lunatic Harness, I hurtle into the nightscape
and believe no trace.
208 · Jan 2021
Concluding Tau
A long time ago
in a psyché far far away,
The Empatheon was our domain.
We chased it with such passion, determined
to stay up.

Now I revisit the matter of Entactus
and suffer
for it.
208 · Dec 2017
It's Rough Enough
Sometimes I think about my life
and I'm struck by a vast sadness, for
my past and the future, hopeless, even
though I know there is hope, lovelessness
though I know there is love, and anger because
I cannot help but feel these things. I want to be better,
I'm trying, gave up all the things that made me forget
how broken I am, and I'm afraid to take them back up
again. Part of me knows I could be happy, another part
hates that possibility. Happiness made it fragile, it can't
show vulnerability and this's killing me. I am too afraid
of being hurt to stop feeling this pain and let myself out
and allow others back in. There is something wrong with
me and some days
I struggle to fix it
but other days I
just sink into it;
But you know
that's just life.

We all go on existing,
Until one of us does not.
207 · Jan 2021
Imbalance
The following sentence is false. The previous sentence is true.
An infinity of eternal resolution.
Imbalance,
A condition of this old universe.

I never knew I’d live long enough to make it back
so I’ll thank you for that.
205 · Nov 2024
Be Light Of Heart
What do you feel you need:
Stability, resilience and focus
to see me through a new chapter of my life.

What do you hope to receive:
Re-connection and clarity,
To be comfortable, strong and confident in myself.

How will you integrate afterwards:
Through breathing, movement, sound.

By leaning into the fear we find our strength,
We reclaim our voice, and thus our story.

Notice the place in the body
where you feel the sensation,
Breath into this, feel its warmth and have self-compassion.

Trust in the world. Care for yourself. Be around people.
Accept you're not in control
but direct the flow of things.
Communicate. Be honest about your needs.
Don't be afraid to put yourself out front.
Be conscious, cultivate self-compassion,
Practice emotional regulation.
Be light of heart.
204 · Nov 2020
Loose Notions
How well-equipped our astronauts are,
Such rigorous standards set for them by their governments.
It strikes me there are certain things a psychonaut should be,
Some level of training to make us proficient in these practices.

How to build a program or curriculum,
And how do we assess one's competency
in configuring mind? We can qualify it but
without a quantifiable unit of measurement;
We can only teach through experience.
We must borrow from other disciplines,
Adopting as many methods of description
as are useful. Ultimately our notation will fail
the exploration of inner-space, I think no metric
can adequately represent how we navigate a soul
The territory we meander through is so different
yet we may share an inkling
between people.

There is this feeling
that some experiences
are ineffable. No, I think
it's that they affect our means
of expression. States of mind that
break through self-concept, dissolve
our components, ego, id or otherwise.

We must reconcile postmodern relativism
with the richness of our own subjectivity.
Sometimes I worry it is merely a question of language.
203 · Sep 2024
The River, Metropolitan
I am awash with this stuff, day-dreams
and stupor, imaginings, and visions.

The life I lived when I had those dreams
I only catch glimpses of in my sleep.
So strange, with Eternal September over

and everything in flux, the world is
full of potential, possibilities, panta rhei
and thence everything flows
to the city
202 · Aug 2020
Foregone
Some aesthetic, some anesthetic
were it my life flow, floating
through spheres by which
I conceive of the world,
Each with its gravity
and our lifelines
traced in the minds
of others. I used to live
like I was in an episode of
of Skins. Spirals move in and
out of view while I wonder how
we appear as characters, driven; we
build narratives, constructed of
the essence we perceive in
that scene: knowledge
of the moment as
200 · Jan 2022
Priorities Fade
Old friends corrupted by the apotheon,
Old fiends so wretched.
New **** as if we're more wholesome,
New hope for a free agent.

The weekend comes and goes,
I should party more. At night I go driving
around G-town in my old Lexus.

How does a man on earth live,
Does he live like this?
Exhausted,
Foo Fighters (1995)
199 · Apr 2022
Eudaimon
Do nothing without intention,
Feel for the context.

Focus on others,
Be yourself.
You choose your friends
but not your family;

We can decide who we like
but never who we love.
196 · Apr 2020
Misequilibrium
Unto the self.

Sometimes I fear my ventures are too vast in scope
but I cannot fault my curiosity or love of crafts.

It's all that there is, left here for us.
An infinity of eternal resolution.
It beckons, strange tidings
195 · Jul 2020
Antidote
My heart is elsewhere, imprescient
as this moment slips by;
I no longer feel the thing.
I hear lonely memories of a new past.
Infinity, Crystalised;
I cannot say why you reached to me
in this ancient future.
My head is worn with anachronism
but I sleep to empty it
and search my dreams
for that profound sense of wonder
at our simple universe.
Up until recently
I craved solitude.

As part of a longstanding personal tradition
I do drugs alone on my birthday.
This year I do flualprazolam and 2C-C.

I turn 27, and it occurs to me
I don't want to spend another birthday
doing drugs on my own.

A switch flipped,
I sought company.

So I found my people, drank two bottles of ***
and did a few bumps of 4Fucking-MilesPerHour
before eventually walking home at 7am on Sunday.
191 · Jul 2020
Experience In The Universe
Its warmth apparent,
Those chill serotonin kicks
in the absence of close friends
recently seen.
189 · Jun 2020
Mischievous Pathways
A month ago it was fall,
Now it's summer. I recall sensation,
A breeze ambles through the conifers, an evergreen
shivers as if in frisson, swaying against our dark indigo sky.

Social company was wonderful this weekend,
I am not hungover this June bank holiday,
But bad luck did befall a friend's ankle.
Last night I drank northern Buckfast
and smoked West Coast Therapy.

I have this sense, what connects us,
I thought it mere memory, what is
beyond that; why should we reach
out to it, or it to us? How is meaning
given synchronicity, two things berift time,

Those dopamine Roses (Imanbek remix) have me
craving mischief, they know the way;
I know of no other
reward
save this, meaningfulness.
189 · Apr 2020
Neuropsychosemiosis

The Æon Illuminate sought ॐgolessness
to escape the ∀xiom of suffering.


The Cybran §ymbionte became 0therwise
by chaining themselves to ∃xistence.

Neither afraid to burn through their essence
nor torch the old world.
187 · Dec 2020
Hindsight's 20/20
The end of the calendar draws near
to close to this bitter-strange year.

March was marked by a quiet,
No parades, drinking or revelry

to mishonor of our country's patron
Saint. Silence gripped the land, I float

though a ghost-town
and feel the kenopsia
of society abandoned.

Spring blew into summer
which passed quickly to
fade in the fall as winter
begs darkness, inevitable.

October was dead, no signs
of life save the reappearance
of some old friends, symptoms
of the muse. The annual festivities

were quite subdued, and it will surely
be a questionable New Year. Luckily
a shooting star crossed my sky as I

cycled home on the estival solstice.
For me that marked the end
of the year two-thousand-and-twenty,
A year so audacious they named it twice;
183 · Mar 2020
Interruption
You must excuse the radio silence,
"Necessity has me by the foot".
I question whether America hasn't fallen into timarchy;
The Titanpointe facility might be enough to convince me
the world's a stranger place at present.
We desperately need a method of politics
that depends on articulation rather than representation,
Something to foster a more intelligent society. I fear
strange and merciless times are upon us
which necessitate emissions control.
Long Lines Building
182 · Nov 2020
Whereto Herethro?
Walking the estate
of my childhood,
Of adolescence.
Nostalgic loneliness.
The awe of discovery,
A life under lamplight.
Listen, naked trees shiver
in the winter chill, touched
by almighty rain-clouds. μ-Ziq plays Goodbye,
Goodbye.

Walking the city
I grew up in,
I grow old
here. Belonging;
History. I lost myself
in study, the humanities
which I dabbled in and other
dark arts. Forbidden knowledge,
Unspoken ethics. Ineffable wisdom,
Experience.
At twenty-six
I wonder what the credits will look like
at the end of my life.
179 · Apr 2020
Longing For Alaska
Soft earth between my fingers

breathe sempiternal
to shirk the sun.

I'm leaving
"the days that must happen to you".

I'm gone.

"How will we ever get out
of this labyrinth of suffering? -AY
Straight & Fast."

I hear you
but you're gone.

Line Five seen at the smoking spot in Looking For Alaska (2019) S1E8; appears in Song of the Open Road by Walt Whitman.
Possibly proposed as an answer to Alaska's question.
Lines Seven, Eight, and Nine from from Looking For Alaska by John Greene.
177 · Dec 2017
Intent Soul
Amidst traipsing
through the town
I had such a clarity
as to where my soul
had been, as to where
I had gone;
Nu kyr'adyc,
**** taab'echaaj'la
.
Who is it that's survived me?
Amongst my menacings
about this city, I was

human, briefly
but now you feast
upon me

and I wonder,
Am I not a machine?
Are we not all proponents

of our own advocacies
or do some of us
have underlying cause
only you can see;
Intentionality?
175 · Jan 2020
Chroma Key
What do you do when nothing excites you anymore,
How do you cope in the post-epicurean world?

Chroma key a green tee with the galaxies
you wish you could visit,

Message me
and I'll meet there you there.
Breathless (1960)
175 · Dec 2020
Disconternet
I fear the net is becoming
dystopic in the Huxleyan sense,
Much of it is now ruled by algocracies.

¶rovidence favored Big Tech's undertaking:
They tapped the attention-economy, our drive
to create, consume and pass comment on content;
It is so mercantile.
172 · Mar 2020
Disequilibrium
Unto the universe.

When beliefs are all you have
they become of you.

All I have left
is time.
No longer than I
172 · Apr 2020
Fodder For Thought
The thought occurred to me again,
Whether we should praise forgetting.

Sometimes I think it would be a relief
to delete everything
so the time that's passed falls to our wayside.
I don't know why
I consider living this way. Is it wrong?

You read the straw that broke the thought I rode in on.
It was a blade of grass once.
170 · Apr 2021
'Til Darkness Do Us Part
What of reward and belief,
These pathways that call us.
They drag me from this 'verse

even though I feel so bad
sometimes, sometimes
I just want to sleep

'cause I'm tired
and dreams are weird.
They seem beyond me, I feel

without control
but it's alright,
'cause I know
the path I'm on.
170 · Oct 2020
Cryptic, Reconcile
Sometimes I forget how important it is
to put on some good music
and write. It's like

my guide star's been torn out of the sky,
The path I've been following
all my life, it's dark

and I'm nowhere, but
at least I found a new band I like,
Daughter; my experiences have only made me

wise. Though my life's quiet now there'll be a time
when I'm dead but my light still shines.
I hope one day it'll be my gift

to you, these words
which I never intended another
human would find. Even though I know
your curiosity will draw you to knowledge like
no comparison could.

Life is Strange: Before the Storm.
169 · Aug 2021
Synanthropy
There are many practical ways of disrupting the body
to produce interesting cognitive and phenomenological effects.

There should also be ways of consolidating and expanding upon
****** processes which extend to our cognitive system
to produce unparalleled psychoactive effects.
What method of cataloguing such effects will be adequate?
167 · Jan 2021
Ignite
I peered out of earthen eyes,
Before him an open plain spread out.
As he breathed in I recognized that petrichor
we had prayed for and felt this was it.
That moment was like
the wholeness of
ember depth.
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