I wanted to be an astronaut
You wanted to be dead
But in the end
I ended up deep underground
Away from the earth’s surface
While you became a star in the night sky
Becoming one with the universe
I can’t reach to you from where I lay
But I know that you’ve look down at me
with the cosmos on your shoulders

You lived my dream
And I became your destiny

I fell for it.
I fell for the pretty words
I fell for the pretend interest and the untrue wishes
But mixed signals is a system of control and commitment is your fear.
You put on a disguise to hide the part of you that you don't like.
You think that I want to fix you but there isn't anything to fix.
You aren't "broken" or "messed up".
You just didn't like me that much

Can you see the soil softly shake
As the once-dead zombies burst from it?
They're being revived,
Though they were left to die and decay.
The ice is melting,
And the heat is increasing
Into a blinding fire.
When I finally felt free,
The dead seeds I planted months, years ago
Are slowly sprouting. (A miracle? A curse?)
The world is repeating,
Like they told me it would.
I'm terrified.
The scenes I have escaped
Are creeping around the corner,
Like now-alive zombies.
The memories that I threw to the snow,
They are beginning to grow,
Like flowers in Antarctica.

I'm not a mere object you can use
I'm not a mere puppet you can use
I'm tired of this
I'm tired of getting used like this
Like I'm everyone's slave
People think that they can get away with treating me like a slave,
Because they can
People think they can use me, then discard me,
Because they can
Why can't people see?
Why can't parents teach their children to act better?
Why can't parents teach their children to write a letter?
To all of the other kids that their child has harmed
To all of the other kids that their child has used

It isn't fun being used
It feels like hell being used

Day by day,
May to May,
Year to year,
Tears turn into fear,
Fear of getting used again
Fear turns into pain,
Emotional pain from being used turns into trust issues

I know,
I'm not good,
No need to point it out.

Tears in eyes,
waiting to fall,
lump in my throat,
trembling hands,
and an insulated, aching heart.

"Don't cry",
"You're strong",
"We'll be the best too"
the minds says,
facing the quiet mirror,
having tear-edge eyes.

I know,
I'm not good,
No need to mock.

I long to see me
As you do,
Entirely foreign and
Mundanely beautiful.
I wish to trace
The curves of my lettering,
Attempting to decode
A message I have already
Memorized.
I have already unraveled
All of my mysteries but you
Still startle at each creak
Of the floor, each squeak
Of the door.
Nevertheless,
That elsewise wonder
Is only reserved for
Strangers.

Your eyes sang the song of loss
And I recognized the chorus

Even if you burn my heart
until there's nothing left but ashes,
I'd still adore the flames
that ignite us for eternity.