half of my friends are in middle school
i wonder if im breaking a rule
16 with besties that are barely teens
but trust me
i have good reasoning
i never got to be 13
my memory is blocked
my brains way of erasing trauma
i’m living through these middle schoolers
trying to fill the gap
helping them make memories
i’ll never even have
i just want to make sure
that they don’t break like me
that they look back and feel happy about who they were
and not what they had to grow from

Wear the logo.
Sip the overpriced latte.
Smile like you belong.

But deep down
you traded truth
for a tag.

Fake gold glows too,
until it rains.

Don’t plant your worth
in damp soil
just to grow rice
for someone else’s plate.

Luxury?
Maybe.
But only if illusion is your favorite fabric.

Real talk
your worth isn’t worn,
it’s lived.

on sunday, i gave away my guitar
and i didn't expect it to be so hard
didn't expect it to crumble my heart
to know i will never feel those strings again
close my eyes and move my hands
never tune the thing until 2 AM
nathan, please take good care of it
because i love that guitar, but i'm scared to admit
scared that you'll ask again why i quit
scared that you won't keep your promise

in a way
i’m an experiment
a surgical project
i teach the broken boys how to love

they practice on me
they learn to say the right things
to do the right things
and to avoid the wrong things
and how to not say something stupid

the problem is tho
how am i supposed to know
when a boy wants me
and not a lesson
will i even know how to handle it?
or will i freak and leave
how will i know if its real
and not an experiment

it’s getting to the point to where i need a lesson
not on how to love
but how to be truly loved
because i don’t know what that feels like
for the only thing on a guys mind to be me
and not because they want something
but because they want to give me everything

because everytime
he takes what he needs
learns what he wanted to know
and treats the next girl how i would treat him,
perfectly

i wonder if that’s why im here
to teach boys how to love the broken girls
if i’m just supposed to help fix girls ill never even know

i’m trying to come to peace with it
but i’m a broken girl too
i want for a boy to actually fix me
not pretend too

Even if perfection existed,
You'd still find a reason to *****.

I could be love drunk,
Head over heels.
All my other priorities,
I've buried and ditched.

But if the heels aren't red bottoms,
And those rings aren't rocks.
You question the relationship,
Because I "ain't giving you ****."

Little miss,
Have me do it all,
So that you can look it all.

Instagram full of thirst traps.
I'm blocked,
So I can't see it all.

You act nice so that I buy it,
Just for another man to take it off.
Now you play the victim to your friends,
Because I've finally taken off.

It's the new generation love,
You give and you don't get.
But you're expected to keep giving,
Give parts of yourself to every girl you've ******* met.

Now you walk about empty,
Trying to find the next.
Next first love?
Or the next of yet another ex.