I.
You were my secret.
You were the depiction of my
innocence and curiosity
My first taste of growing up
and growing complicated.
You deserved more than what
I had to offer.

II.
You were my addiction.
Even thought you weren't good for me
I kept on coming back.
I fell into your little hypnosis
just like all the others
And sometimes I wonder if
I even meant as much to you
as you did to me.

III.
You were comfortable.
With you, everything was normal and
safe and okay.
But sometimes too much stagnancy
causes people to drift apart
And we never tried to salvage
what was left.

IV.
You were my knight in shining armour.
But I couldn't be your princess.
You loved me too hard, for too long
And I wish I could've given it back.
You left me roses everyday,
And I left them out to die.

V.
You are everything.
You are my secret that I want to keep to myself
to feel the rush and rebellion
of growing up, everyday.
You are my addiction.
I can never get enough of you,
through both the good and bad.
You are comfortable.
I feel safe and at ease
just being by your side.
There's nowhere I wouldn't go
and nothing I would't do with you.
You are my knight in shining armour.
And I am your princess.
You saved me from the dragon
of loneliness and despair.
And won my heart in the battle.
You are so much more.
You are.
And I wouldn't change a thing.

It was Boys Like You,
That used to push me around on the playground,
That chased me down dark school corridors.
That became the catalyst for the scoldings I received from my mother;
Over browned shirts, torn skirts and ties, pulled chokingly tight.

It was Boys Like You
That when I grew older,
Gave me sweet, chocolate covered compliments laced with poison.
That hooked me on the addictive drug of 'fitting in' and 'being slim'
And trying to get 'lighter skin'...so I could be pretty like all the other girls.

It was Boys Like You,
That at first glance seemed to be kind
Then threw cruel words into my open mind,
Which tore down what little confidence I had,
And made me wonder what I did that was so bad.

It was Boys Like You
That made me believe that I was hideous,
That told me my reflection was a crime against humanity
And that if beauty was skin deep and no further,
There was no way anyone could ever, love, me.

It was Boys Like You,
That pushed me into the darkest corners of my mind
Turned off all the lights so I'd be blind.
Locked the cell and threw away the key,
And left me there to slowly lose myself to insanity.

It was Boys Like You that made me feel
As though there was something innately wrong with me,
That I had an endless list of faults that even I couldn't completely see.
It was Boys Like You that nearly killed Me...

Well not really.

I mean technically I didn't die.
Maybe only on the inside, as those rotting thoughts infected my crumbling mind
And I begged for someone, anyone to
Please. Help. Me.

It was Boys Like You
That pushed me to the place of contemplating suicide.
As I sat, wide eyed tears in my wide eyes,
Wondering if maybe I stopped breathing
Then I would stop feeling all these feelings,
Being this human being that was drowning in her own self loathing.

I blame Boys Like You.
For the tears of young women and girls all over the world.
For slit wrists, and bruised fists, and beauty addicts
That nit pick and victimise everybody else,
Just so they can criticise what they don't like in themselves.

So I vow to raise my daughters to never listen
To your hollow, deadly words, that ring untrue.
And I vow to raise my sons, to be better men.
To be nothing like Boys Like You.

I want to stay.

I want to hold you and forget it all.
It would be easier to live in the Before.
When my universe comprised of Us,
And your eyes were the only stars I knew.
When your love was my gravity,
And your arms felt like home.

But I can't because your scent is different.
It's infused with one far too sweet to be mine.
And the eyes that once held my soul,
Hold flecks of someone else's.
Your lips have a new flavour,
One that I can't seem to kiss away.
And the palms that learnt my form
Have someone else's pathways ingrained in their memory.

I want to stay.

But I'd rather die than kiss you,
And wonder if it's her face you see behind closed lids.
If its her that you dream of.
If she is the sun that you orbit around now,
While I lay in the corner;
My love just another dying star in your sky.

I want to stay.

But I won't.
Because though leaving may break me again,
I know that staying will **** me.

You look me in the eyes and ask why not
But I wonder why

You ask me how I know,
But I wonder why I wouldn't.

You ask me why I'm me
I wonder why I wouldn't be.

I can't believe you did this to me.
To my heart.
We talked and stayed up all night chatting.
At what point did you think we couldn't talk about it?
We had talked about it before.
You were writing a book, thinking of the future.
Why?
Your last words to me were "Don't forget me"
You grabbed my wrist.
That plays over and over in my mind.
I can't eat. I can't sleep. But I can't feel either.
Why?
Just why?
You knew this would hurt me.
I can't be that mad at you though.
I know I can't blame it on you,
What else am I supposed to do?
Why did you do it?
Make yourself die?
We could have talked it over and you know it..
Made it all right.
But I'm not mad. Just disappointed.
But.
Not when I had felt the same way.
Been there, had that, tried and done that.
But gosh **** it, I miss you.
My eyes are red and swollen as well,
I had cried myself to sleep since.
You were my friend. I told you everything.
We really did have so much in common.

I told you I wanted to die...
You immediately said no...
Didn't ask why... Just a no...
Why so direct, no hesitation?
You surely don't actually like me... Like I like you...
Maybe I've been living in an illusion...
I'm getting anxious...
I'm crumbling, I don't think you've noticed,
I'm distancing myself again, pushing away...
I'm getting bad again, I don't know what is worse...
You ignoring me, or me pushing you away (everyone away)...
I'm a wreck, a lost cause, maybe you should give up on me...
I would if I where you... I'm not worth it... Trust me... Please?

to my Madolyn, Rob , Soliana, Malak, Pinkpearl, Daniel, BJ, Miki, Jules, Willow, Poets Rain, Her, Ashan, Billy, Katelyn, Kirstens, Leah, Emily, Liz, Skyler, HB, Danielle, Robin, Lynnie, Veer, Abigail, and Fawn

We haven't been here long
At all
But your support has been
overwhelming
...to us at least

We haven't written masterpieces
At all
But your responses have been
overpowering
...to us at least

Know we notice you,
Know we recognize you,
and try to get to know you
through the words you present

We could never repay you
At all
But, please, don't forget
we love you
...to say the least

We are honored
We will always work to honor you


Sincerely yours,
A&T (seriously not a ripoff)

P.S.
I can't handle anymore people so you guys are going to have
to help me ****** anyone new coming over. I'll pay.