rain
  pattering
around
small
hidden
  birds,
who
  trill
to
find
  each
other
  through
the
  drops.

I'm so tired
of trying not to drown

How many times
have I said it already?

Too many.
The waves won't stop.

I get pulled further
down every time.

Are you all down there?
Sunken to a fathomless darkness,

Reaching and clawing for air
until hope finally failed you?

I wish I could pull you back,
but wishing is a waste of breath.

I'm haunted by the ocean,
and the faces I cannot see.

I can't even find words for this.

It's not right.

I don't know how to


I just have to breathe.
Crying makes that hard, though.

There's too many thoughts.
Questions.
Regrets.

I tell myself,
don't regret.
Nothing will change.

But the thoughts won't go.

Keep breathing.

Keep
breathing.

It's been a while
since I've felt this sting–

A good friend was taken too soon,
lured by the temptation of darkness

It circles in my head,
round and round again

Why, and how, and what if–
A thousand times, what if?

I have to keep breathing,
don't get lost in the waves

This cannot consume me.

Indigo tides surge,
threaten to pull me away
into the realm of eternity.

Occasionally, I let them
draw me just a little
too close

before finally leaning
away from the depths
to feel the sun’s glow.

Dark room,
full of thoughts,
daylight threatening
from the edge

Words float here,
ghosts on the walls,
remembering everything
we'll never forget

Dreams hang low
from the ceiling,
faint spiderwebs that glisten
amongst the dusty cobwebs

Don't grab them, don't pull;
those threads are still so fragile,
and these burdens weigh us down.

Whisper to them,
watch them shiver,
trembling from the sounds
of tired voices

One day at a time,
repeat the motions,
smile and nod,
survive.

Over and over again
we step forward
and fall back,
staring at the clouds

Just fall asleep here,
just for now;
it's time for a little break
from the endless mud.

what to write

when you're tired

and sad,

and words just don't feel

like enough

anymore.