The infection is returning,
seeping into my blood—
soon I will be a creature
of shadows and tears.

At first the
blade’s slice is slow,
But I quickly realize
that it’s much better
to make quick strikes
across my skin.
I lose myself
in the sound it makes,
the satisfaction of each
red line.
I suddenly cap the blade
and toss it away
and let the tears roll down my face.
What have I become?
I hate myself.

I can’t
breathe.

If I do,
I’ll leak
and drown
in my pain.

You put the smile back
onto my face,
the warmth back
into my heart,
the life back
into my world.

I can't stop remembering
the night
my innocence was devoured
by pressure -
I wasn't ready,
but I let him in anyway.

You surprise me
with things that
no one else has ever done -
You're a fresh thought, a kindred spirit,
someone I know I am safe with.

Would you hate me
if you knew
how I've been leaping
from heart to heart
like stones in a pond -
they all crumbled under my weight
and left me to drown.