I have retired from temptations of attention.
I’ve retired from the need to judge.
I’ve retired from feeling like I need that moment,
And I’ve retired from feeling too sad.

I have retired into a place of contemplation —
A place nearby, and where I sit.

I have retired from feeling guilty,
And I’ve retired from needing your yes.

I am retired.

I sorrow for your sorrow—
my hands cannot reach you,
my words cannot fix it.
I cannot shield you,
or chase the dark away.

I sorrow for your sorrow.
I break when you break—
but I am not beside you.
I can’t rescue the day.
I can’t say I’m sorry
in a language you’d understand.

Still—
I sorrow for your sorrow.
And in the stillness of my world,
I make space for your grief.

In my heart,
in my spirit,
I hang a lantern.
I shine what light I can
from across the miles—
and I sorrow with you,
until the sorrow can end.

We were the couple.
Every relationships goal.
Front page, headline news
Now we are painfully polite.
We are familiar strangers.

The fear evaporated
I became articulate,
apparently very, very funny.
A BMW Master Tech, making money.
The altitude and latitude of youth
made me feel free.

I drank & then became drunk.
Now at Tarzana Treatment,
in a top bunk.

Departure: self-help books
still I could not refrain.
Arrival: psychiatric help
I couldn’t abstain.

What once felt like comfort
turned turbulent, then insane.

I tried to diagnose
what I could not escape.
Alcohol always there,
waiting to ******,
wearing its cape.

Until I boarded Flight A.A.,
buckled up
bought a one way
to soberly fly away.

Brilliantly, after saying my prayers,
the candle burned out.
Glistening and glimmering were the stars
from dusk till dawn,
overlooking the sea where the moon was shining.

I sat, marinating in the lunar night,
as if Heaven itself
had poured fortune into me.
Gratitude rested with me,
in snow-white sheets.

Inspired by the silent places
I’ve wandered beneath the sky,
Luna walked into view
a blessing, unseen until tonight.

I took a leap of faith,
and Luna stepped onto my path.
We began our walks through day and night.

But as weeks passed,
we are no longer tight.
Distance stretched between us,
unclear
like a deer caught in light,
my heart too weary to fight.

There was a spark
when it started.
Now emotionally,
I feel completely discarded.