Is it truly love
Or am I just desperate
Oh gods above
Give me some respite

Starved of affection
Searching for the signs
Hoping for connection
But it's just land mines

When I get the chance
A boy that cares for me
I'm afraid of romance
And I want to flee

Anxiousness and mood swings
A boy that could love me
But the darkness to me clings
And I'm so tired of me

Destined to make his heart break
Forever lonely, a venomous snake

Longing for more, for something better
Acceptance is good, but love is the goal
I'm fat and funny, so what does it matter
If inside I slowly tear at my soul

Turns out he likes me, that he'd care
I nervously agree, giving it a chance
But affection to me, is so very rare
And I can't handle the anxious dance

Can't imagine kissing him
Even holding hands
Maybe my thoughts are too grim
And I should make some plans

But I'm a big fat hypocrite
While I should be grateful
I don't find him attractive
And inside I am hateful

I love our talks, about little things
You're an amazing friend
And it tugs at my heartstrings
The way I see our end

They say I should have butterflies
That we look good together
But inside of me a part dies
As I can't find a tether

Your affection bright and burning
Like the glow of evening fire
But instead of a warm feeling
I'm aflame upon a pyre

Your nicknames and texts
So sweet, full of care
But in my darkest depths
I despise every flare

I want love, yet it feels wrong
Boy run, before I break your heart
Questioning it all along
I'd tear both of us apart

I am broken, I am scarred
Run boy, run for the hills
I am damaged, forever marred
Run, while the bird still trills

Drowning in indecision
Battling the dark thoughts
There will be a collision
While my heart slowly rots

He loves me, even said so
I almost stopped breathing
And that beautiful, warm glow
Suddenly turned freezing

That sudden, neck breaking speed
Making me want to hide and cover
Oh how I crave it, yet I want to plead
Slow down please, this isn't clever

Do I love him, or the illusion of love
I don't find him attractive
Maybe I need a hard, strong shove
But I'm way too reactive

I should tell him, end it soon
To save myself and not lead him on
I pray to Artemis, to the moon
That this pain will soon be gone

Dark tendrils creeping into my heart
Shadows covering my mind
Ripping and tearing me apart
Such a pain that makes me blind

A forceful stab of isolation
The tendrils sinking deeper still
Falling to my own damnation
I just wait, for when they'll ****

That final blow, it never lands
I can hear their quiet glee
Squeezing my heart with their hands
While I hopelessly try to flee

They say there's always hope for light
Even in the darkest days
Yet as I claw and as fight
I cannot escape my mind's maze

Inside I sob, inside I cry
It's just us, the tendrils and I

Breathing ragged, lungs burning
Palms sweaty, slipping, slipping
Eyes clouded with tears
I'm faced with my fears

The face in the mirror
Pale with pure horror
Hands gripping the sink
I can barely think

The calling of a blade–
Will it ever fade ?
I try to fight it, try–try–try
Yet the blade screams, die–die–die

Such a strong temptation
A path to damnation
I grip the sink tighter
My knuckles turning whiter

The blade keeps mocking
With its sardonic laughing
I sink to my knees
And whisper–please

Bone tired of fighting
Of always trying
I succumb to the gore
And hate myself even more

Numbness overtaking my senses
Tears forgotten, drying on my cheek
I am bare of my defences
Simply hollow, cold and weak

Wounds that never fully heal
Hidden behind empty smiles
Truth I shall never reveal
While I suffer through my trials

Forced to hide
Longing to share
How much I've lied
How much I bear

Now you know
Just you and I
I try to float
And not die

I try to fly
I try to float
But the sky... too high
And I can't find a boat