Drowning in indecision
Battling the dark thoughts
There will be a collision
While my heart slowly rots

He loves me, even said so
I almost stopped breathing
And that beautiful, warm glow
Suddenly turned freezing

That sudden, neck breaking speed
Making me want to hide and cover
Oh how I crave it, yet I want to plead
Slow down please, this isn't clever

Do I love him, or the illusion of love
I don't find him attractive
Maybe I need a hard, strong shove
But I'm way too reactive

I should tell him, end it soon
To save myself and not lead him on
I pray to Artemis, to the moon
That this pain will soon be gone

Longing for more, for something better
Acceptance is good, but love is the goal
I'm fat and funny, so what does it matter
If inside I slowly tear at my soul

Turns out he likes me, that he'd care
I nervously agree, giving it a chance
But affection to me, is so very rare
And I can't handle the anxious dance

Can't imagine kissing him
Even holding hands
Maybe my thoughts are too grim
And I should make some plans

But I'm a big fat hypocrite
While I should be grateful
I don't find him attractive
And inside I am hateful

I love our talks, about little things
You're an amazing friend
And it tugs at my heartstrings
The way I see our end

They say I should have butterflies
That we look good together
But inside of me a part dies
As I can't find a tether

Your affection bright and burning
Like the glow of evening fire
But instead of a warm feeling
I'm aflame upon a pyre

Your nicknames and texts
So sweet, full of care
But in my darkest depths
I despise every flare

I want love, yet it feels wrong
Boy run, before I break your heart
Questioning it all along
I'd tear both of us apart

I am broken, I am scarred
Run boy, run for the hills
I am damaged, forever marred
Run, while the bird still trills

Is it truly love
Or am I just desperate
Oh gods above
Give me some respite

Starved of affection
Searching for the signs
Hoping for connection
But it's just land mines

When I get the chance
A boy that cares for me
I'm afraid of romance
And I want to flee

Anxiousness and mood swings
A boy that could love me
But the darkness to me clings
And I'm so tired of me

Destined to make his heart break
Forever lonely, a venomous snake

Numbness overtaking my senses
Tears forgotten, drying on my cheek
I am bare of my defences
Simply hollow, cold and weak

Wounds that never fully heal
Hidden behind empty smiles
Truth I shall never reveal
While I suffer through my trials

Forced to hide
Longing to share
How much I've lied
How much I bear

Now you know
Just you and I
I try to float
And not die

I try to fly
I try to float
But the sky... too high
And I can't find a boat

Breathing ragged, lungs burning
Palms sweaty, slipping, slipping
Eyes clouded with tears
I'm faced with my fears

The face in the mirror
Pale with pure horror
Hands gripping the sink
I can barely think

The calling of a blade–
Will it ever fade ?
I try to fight it, try–try–try
Yet the blade screams, die–die–die

Such a strong temptation
A path to damnation
I grip the sink tighter
My knuckles turning whiter

The blade keeps mocking
With its sardonic laughing
I sink to my knees
And whisper–please

Bone tired of fighting
Of always trying
I succumb to the gore
And hate myself even more

Dark tendrils creeping into my heart
Shadows covering my mind
Ripping and tearing me apart
Such a pain that makes me blind

A forceful stab of isolation
The tendrils sinking deeper still
Falling to my own damnation
I just wait, for when they'll ****

That final blow, it never lands
I can hear their quiet glee
Squeezing my heart with their hands
While I hopelessly try to flee

They say there's always hope for light
Even in the darkest days
Yet as I claw and as fight
I cannot escape my mind's maze

Inside I sob, inside I cry
It's just us, the tendrils and I