I sat there
Beside you
Holding your hand
Not wanting to let go because i knew
If i did you would too
Then you would disappear.
I knew that when i left
Walked out of that room
I never see you again,
Or laugh again
No more meeting at family gatherings
Or rushing to you with open arms.
No more looking for your face in a crowd of our family members
Always going straight outside because i knew you’d be there
Smoking a cigarette.
I miss you.
I shouldnt never let go of your hand
I shoudve endured and soaked in the warmth and comfort
Of your hands, your touch.
I miss it.
Now i sit here on my bed writing this down
About us, about you and how
I wish i wouldn't have listened to mom voice
Vaguely echoing in my ears when she said
It's time to go, honey
I wish i hadn't looked her way
Instead of continuing to admire and appreciate your beauty
When i looked over at mom with swollen eyelids and lips
From my tears,
I turned back to you and looked through the blurred vision
Through my watered up eyes ready to burst with cries
I squeezed your hand and said
Ok, give me a minute
And as i heard the faint sound of moms voice and her shoes hit the tile
Of this hospital room with the smell of failing to bring back life,
She replied
Ok.
And when the door shut the cries burst
And i closed my eyes not being able to bear the sight
anymore
Of this flower flying away and out of reach that i may see someday,
Many hours away
I should have stayed.
Shouldve stayed in your touch
You love and your hold
I should have never let go
Of your hand
I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried.
Now instead of holding your hand sitting by your side
Admiring your beauty everyone else ignored
I lay in my bed writing you this,
I miss you.
You were my person,
And while others mourned once and are now okay
Just scrolling through the memories
I still cry i am still mourning
Because I miss you,
And i feel you.
Still.
I look up at the pictures of you hanging on my walls and
Beside my bed on the table,
All of you and me.
Me and you.
I wear my butterfly earrings that remind me of you
When someone says i have to take them off i stand my ground and make sure They know that it is not just a jewelry piece,
Its you in remembrance i carry with me.
I miss you,
My person,
My nina.

You are my last 7 minutes.
And for some who don’t understand
It is the brain that portrays your best memories
Most care-free moments in life
When once you were unashamed of your smile
The times your stress was to fly away,
Your mind plays back to those times
Like
a record player on Rewind.
So, when I say that you are my last 7 minutes
I mean
You are the broken record player that repeats in me
And when someone wants to take that away
I will stand between them and you
Because you hold
my most carefree moments
my joyous of times
my life,
You are my
Last 7 minutes.

Your cries of sorrow are
a work of art.

Saying
We are just friends
Does not make
It the truth

I need to get something off my chest
You are not the perfect image
I painted out to see
Instead you are someone whom
I will always love
Just as the air will always love
Running through our hair
Just as a dog loves
The touch of its owner
You will always be something i care for
But that doesnt mean i will strive for it
Because i am slowly but surely
Learning
That i am worth something
And anything above you really
For even though we can talk through our eyes
And i have memorized what every look
Touch and emotion your body gives off
I will try with everything in me
To leave.
Leave you at home
Stand up for myself in a room you may own
And leaving the feelings behind
Because even though many times
Ive stated that i love you and always will
The truth can be covered up by a simple gesture
Like you have done in uncountable moments former.
So from this stance forward i will be there for myself
To make sure that i do not fall
Even though you are the edge of a cliff Im walking on
There will be no tripping or screaming from afar
But there will be floating and flying Gasping for air
Not because of tears
due to you
But because i am free
There are no captives
Being in love with you does not hold me
Im as saved as can be.

Your eyes.
Your deep,
Yet shallow,
Relaxing,
Makes you feel like your skating on ice,
Yet in a bright green field of grass,
Those eyes that tell a story through every light
And dark shade of them.
Those eyes that feel like a dream,
But you can't escape.
Ocean eyes,
Ice eyes,
Your eyes.
They have history,
Those eyes.
Seen things,
Haven't seen things.
Each sparkle in your eyes,
Has a memory,
A story,
history.

respect
I refuse to say
was given
because it was already mine
from which I deserved
in the first place