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Maxamilian Oct 2015
I'm tired, but not physically exhausted.
My heart is racing, but I've done no physical exertion.
My stomach is in knots, but I am starving.

I want to leave my house, but I'm confined to my bed.
I want to take a shower, but I'd rather stay in filth.
I want to take my pills, but I see no point.

My thoughts are swimming, but I can't concentrate.
My eyes are filling with tears, but I don't wipe them away.
My skin feels flushed, but I'm burning up all over.

I didn't ask for any of this.
I don't know when it will overtake me.
I won't give into it.

I want to partake in life, but I just can't.

Please understand, even though I know you can't.
Maxamilian Aug 2015
The other day I saw you.
You look so well.
I'm glad to see you smiling again.
I miss seeing that smile.
You used to look at me like that.

It's been so long since I have looked at you
with such longing.
It's been so long since I've missed you.
My heart was aching for you to come back to me,
but I know that we cannot be.
We've been there before.
We've grown apart.
We are not the same as we used to be.

I want to talk to you like we used to do.
I miss laying on the floor
and talking for hours.
I miss your kisses on my forehead.
I miss how our young hearts used to pound within our chests
when we held each other.

We may not be who we were.
We may be friendly with each other.
But we can never go back to the way things used to be.
I've realized that I'm in love who we used to be.
I think that's why my heart is hurting so bad.
Maxamilian Feb 2014
I think I would welcome Death
if he came knocking at my door tonight.

I would greet him like an old friend and he would ask how I was. I would tell him that I haven't been feeling quite like myself lately.
Then, I would offer him a cup of tea.
He would nod and I would put the kettle on.

We'd sit at the kitchen table in silence until the kettle began to whine.
We'd drink Earl Grey with two sugars.
Then discuss business.

"Is it going to hurt?" I'd ask.
"Only a little." he'd respond.

I would cautiously sip my tea, careful not to burn my tongue.
Death would wait to drink his tea until it was cold and molding.

Death would tell me I looked lovely in the moonlight.
I'd tell him that's because my tear stained face and puffy eyes were less noticeable in the dark.

"Perhaps you could just **** the sadness inside of me." I would suggest as we stared out the window.
"That would be killing your entirety." he would reply.

And then I would gladly welcome Death as he kissed me goodnight and finally gave me some peace.
Maxamilian Jan 2014
There is a dark place in my mind that I often find myself.
My thoughts roam endlessly in the void spaces.
I cannot control myself.
The only way to end these thoughts is to grab a blade.

There is a dark place in my mind that I often find myself.
I try to get away from the dark thoughts.
I lay down my head after taking some pills.
I hope to forget, but find my mind clouded by nightmares.

There is a dark place in my mind that I often find myself.
I try to hide my feelings so well.
But I know you can see the sadness in my eyes.
And you hold me close and wipe my tears.

There is a dark place in my mind that I often find myself.
At times I feel suffocated by my thoughts and actions.
But when you hold me and tell me you love me,
Everything seems just a little lighter.
Maxamilian Sep 2013
My home is far away from where it used to be.
The place I had grown accustomed to is no longer.
I now say "I" instead of "we".
But because of this, I have become much stronger.

I have shed many tears at night.
I have cried away all my doubts.
Please believe me when I say things will be alright.
If you don't believe me, hear my shouts.

I have a new home now.
And in this home come new temptations.
There are things that I will not allow.
Although I will feel new sensations.

You will always have a piece of my heart.
And I will also hold a piece of yours.
And even though we must part,
I pray we don't close off all out doors.
Maxamilian Jun 2013
why is love such a complicated thing?
why must we be confined in whom we love?
why must our time with loved ones be restricted?

I want to love whomever I want.
I want a love that I can give freely to all.
I want to spend an eternity with those that I love.

I want everything I can't have.
This world restricts me from gaining these things that I want and need.
I want to love, and be loved in return.

I don't want to break hearts or fear my own heart being broken.
I don't want to ache for what could have been, but instead seize the opportunity and never let go.
I don't want to fear losing the ones I love to another.
Maxamilian May 2013
sometimes, the most painful goodbyes
are secretly the most beautiful beginnings
of things not yet experienced.
it is up to us how we view our ever changing world.
And thus I digress.
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