I spend most of my time memorizing the features of your face.

I love the way your hair falls slightly into your eyes.

I love when you smile with your  slightly crooked front teeth.

My heart beats a little faster when your brown eyes meet my green eyes.

I often wonder what goes on in your mind.

But I am not yours.

And I can never be.

We used to be so close.
We would stay up late telling stories about life.
We shared everything with each other.
We were like sisters.

You were there for me when I thought no one cared.
You offered me a safe place to heal after I lost everything.
You inspired me to be happy with who I am.
You taught me not to care what the world thought of me.

But then I went and did something I shouldn't have.
I didn't realize it then, but now I know.
I took away your first love.
I never realized how much pain I had caused you.

Now we are like strangers.
We haven't spoken in months.
Sometimes I wonder if you would still want my friendship.
I often wonder if you will ever forgive me.

There are times when I feel like I hate you.
There are times that I think you are absolutely beautiful.
There are many times I wish we were still there for each other.
But we have gone separate ways.

And I don't know if things can ever be the same.

She stood on the train tracks and smiled for the camera.
Her mother had wanted portraits done of her.
A breeze blew and the camera clicked as she brushed the hair out of her face.
Suddenly a horn blared.
The train was coming rapidly down the tracks.
"Come over here. Come off the tracks." he mother called.
The photographer moved swiftly, collecting her few items.
She stood still on the tracks watching the train.
"Hurry! Get off the tracks!" her mother called again.
She closed her eyes and held her arms out like wings.
"What are you doing? Get off the tracks!"
I want to die. she thought.
The horns were blaring and the engine was chugging.
A sudden impact to her chest and a hard landing.
"I want to die! Just let me die!" she screamed when she realized she was in her mother's arms.
The train was speeding past them.
The girl closed her eyes tightly as she sobbed and wailed.

"Good. I think we're done here." said the photographer.
The girl opened her eyes. She was standing on the tracks. Her mother was on the side.
They smiled at each other and moved to the next location.

I'm sorry.
I've let you down.
I've torn myself away from you.

I'm not myself.
Things are overwhelming.
I'm scared of myself.

I don't want you to see me like this.
Even when you are close to me,
I feel incredibly alone.

I can't be with you.
I must learn to love myself
the way you love me.

I won't be able to love you until then.
Please take care.
And know I love you.