If you were a shrub, you would be a good shrub!

Hello! SNIFF You smell different when you're awake! (Courtesy of Kollitiki)

I hate a lot of people, but you are not one of them. I also hate ducks. WOW do I ever hate ducks.

Hi there! Will you marry me?

Wanna come over to my place? I'll show you all 89.3 of my cats!

Hey babe, you wanna buy me a drink? Oh, no just water. I'm not allowed alcohol in this bar since the chainsaw incident last month with my exboyfriend....

Look babe, I know this sounds like one of those fake sobs stories made up to get you laid, but how about coming home with me? I have a terminal illness and it would just make my life complete if you would come home with me. Thank you so much baby, bless your soul. Oh, what illness? Ummm ...leprosy....

Tries to be seductive with scalp and elbows

I LOVE YOUR FAAAACE!!!!!!! (Courtesy of the ever brilliant Spencer Craig)

Your left eyebrow is ****.

I don't care about my dates having good hair or a lack of BO, so you and I should date.

HIIIIIIIII I BAKED YOU A SALAD!!!

Here is a fire extinguisher gorgeous ;) .......Sorry for lighting you on fire...

Hey babe, did anyone ever tell you? Your eyes are as green as um those green sticky note thingies they sell at Walmart, and your hair is the color of frying pans.

Hey cute thing, wanna hear a fun fact? It is physically impossible to lick your elbow. Well, I mean, for you. I meant to say it is physically impossible for YOU to lick your elbow, I could lick your elbow if I wanted, that would be physically possible. (demonstrates your ability to lick the "cute-thing's" elbow) HEY WAIT COME BACK!

HEY! WANNA SEE MY SNOWMAN COLLECTION???????

I have your name tattooed on my ****, wanna see? (Courtesy of The Girl Who Loved You)

Did you fall from heaven? Cause you look a little banged up... (Courtesy of The Girl Who Loved You)

What kind of crazy loyalty
Does my boyfriend have?
It just struck me yesterday
How loyal he must be.

To wait three months
For the girl who made you wait,
Though it was her fault?
That's loyalty.

I grabbed death by the wrist and fought with him until the bitter end
And here I stand with Hell buzzing aimlessly by me
Playing hacky sack with Satan.

Never figuring out what God wants from me
My father getting too angry and beating me
My mother will never say the words 'Your'e beautiful'
My child will be nothing at all like me
If I end up with a husband, he will turn out like my dad
Not getting into veterinary school
Not surviving past 18

Hoy, esta minuto
Estoy escribiendo
Una poemita
En español

Cosas pequeñas
Son mas bonitas
En un idioma
Antiquo
La gramatica
Es facil y fluye
Las palabras
Son muy bellas
Cuando las
Son habladas
En una forma
De extranjera

Esta dia es magnifico
Por lo habla me
En idioma differente
Para suertes mejores