Maddy

Maddy Feb 2018

As protruding collar bones
and hip bones
and ribs

As hunger
and money
and happiness

As knowledge
and wonder
and sadness

As crop tops
and skinny jeans
and piggyback rides

As thigh gaps
and dainty hands
and jawlines

But
I am not beautiful

I do not have bones that push so far out of my skin
That they tower above skyscrapers

I do not have size 00 jeans
or 32 A cup bras

I do not have a scale that doesn't sigh
when I step on it daily

No
I am not beautiful

I was taught I am ugly
I am a pig
I am the definition of repulsive

Beauty is taught
And so is self hatred

This one isn't really put together because I just came up with it. I stepped on my scale this morning and was seriously considering grabbing a pair of scissors and going at my stomach. So instead, I made tea, I did some homework, ate an apple, and wrote this. Have fun with this emotional *****!

#me #sadness #beauty #self #hatred #i #am #growing

Maddy Jan 2018

Little Issues

I have many issues
Some are gargantuan, like hellish titans
Others are microscopic, like the most lethal of germs

The smallest one's scare me the most

Like
The feeling in my heart cage
when I see you

Or
The black dots I see
when I stand too quickly

And
The pleasure of digging my nails
into my palms

All my little issues
You'd think they were random
But they all connect at you

That
Is what scares me the most

Yeppers. Feeling heartbroken like usual. How are you?

Maddy Jan 2018

Weird

I feel it is weird when the guy you like sits right next to you in class
Even when he knows you like him
And he rejected you

I feel it is weird when you love art with your entire heart and soul
But you can't even draw stick people
With straight lines

I feel it is weird when you miss someone
Who has hurt you more
Than anyone before

I think it is weird when someone complains about everything
But refuses to do anything
To change their situation

I think it is weird when people get depressed in movies
They always read more books
I watch movies

I think it is weird that I can look in the mirror in the morning
But I can not keep doing that
As the day goes on

I think it is weird that some people are so nice
Even after you discover their lies
Still trying to cover them up

I think it is weird that the hungrier people get
The angrier they get
But I get happy

I think it is weird
Because it is weird.
Weird.

Maddy Jan 2018

Loving, Vincent

I feel like VanGogh
That maybe I should just go
Because no one truly knows
Who I am
Why I am

I feel like Monet
That maybe I should just go away
Because no one truly knows
Where I am
When I am

I feel like Renoir
That maybe I should just go far
Because no one truly knows
Me

I don't write often. But, I am now. I'm in math class, and I just got yelled at. That ******.

Maddy Jan 2018

Allegory

She says "I'm fine."
But she pulls down her sleeves

And he says "I'm just tired."
But he's down on his knees

They say "It will be okay."
But their smile is fake

And I'm trying to see the truth
But I'm drowning in this lake

Of allegory

Feeling kind of down today.

Maddy Jan 2018

Candles

You pretend I don't exist most of the time
So why does it hurt more today?
Especially after I told you not to speak
to me,
at me,
with me.

Maybe it's because some dying part of me
actually had hope
in you.
Insane, I know
You,
of all people

I know that it's just a birthday
that tomorrow will bring normalcy
that today I still have tests, school, homework
that we'll just have salads and maybe
I won't have to do as much work
that we'll eat pie, maybe get high
And still,
Nothing has changed

But for some reason,
I still had hope for you
and now,
with everything you've put
me through,
When I blow out the candles
I'll still wish for you

Maddy Dec 2017

You Say Sorry

But I don't think you mean it
Because "Sorry." means "I regret."
               And you don't
                                     Regret

No, I don't think you mean it
Because "Sorry." means "I won't do t again."
               And you still
                                    Do it

See, I don't think you mean it
Because "Sorry." means "I'll try harder."
               And you never
                                       Try harder

No, I'm sure you don't mean it
Because "Sorry." means "I love you."
               And you don't
                                      Love me

So, I've basically just been transferring my composition notebook onto this site. Have fun with this emotional roller coaster.