Angel

Angel Sep 2018

I'm confident, trust me I am,
just when in a new place nothing goes to plan.
I try to approach but still it evokes, a feeling of fear as if I'm going to fall away and never return the same again.

It's hard to trust when I know that I must- I hate being forced into inexplicable sorts- and as sociable as I am, I don't want to make the same mistakes I used to.

I don't want to trust those who'll make me hurt too.

Social anxiety builds when in a situation that you feel you won't make a friend or even an end to the day- a play, the audience sways and you know they want to laugh anyways but God knows you don't want to stay.

Please tell me they won't leave me to lay in my self-dug grave.

Despite my own shock, and mental block, I managed to overcome this ****-stock and socialised- well in my eyes- and am doing just sublime; a lime light I can't fight.

It's as if I've just taken flight for the first time.

But then I think of those who don't have the confifence I have that only grows- I hope they can sore too; within the blue Skys of tranquility.

Knowing that being would others is sometching they can be.

Just be free.

I havent updated in ages and am currently tipsy so I thought I'd let some more feelings spill in writing.

#youcan #gotalktofriends #gomakefriends #friends #fly

Angel Dec 2017

"Smile", she said

From a young age, I have been told,
that to see a smile will never get old.
Whether one is happy or perhaps sad;
the moment they smile- nothing can be bad.

From a young age, I have been told to smile,
that the moment I do, I'll stop feeling down.
If I want to cheer up, then I must grin;
so why, when I try, do I feel like I've sinned?

To smile means expressing joy, she says,
that those around me will feel coy, she says.
But when she feels sad, she cries and cries,
behind a closed door, there are tears in her eyes.

When I realised that her grin was her way,
of making me calm- a way to stay.
I began to smile more, laugh more, try more;
It's the least I can do for those I adore.

Then one day, whilst I felt melancholy,
someone managed to see right through me.
"Your upset, so why are you smiling?",
I looked down and felt my face frowning.

"From a young age, I have been told,
that to see a smile will never get old.
Whether one is happy or perhaps sad;
the moment they smile- nothing can be bad"

They seemed confused, so I smiled again,
I won't lie, it hurt more right then-

"From a young age, I have been told to smile,
that the moment I do, I'll stop feeling down.
If I want to cheer up, then I must grin;
so why, when I try, do I feel like I've sinned?"

They shed tears for me,
I didn't understand,
wasn't a smile meant to make them feel grand?

"Smile", she once said.
"Just for a while", she once begged.
I wish I did before she cried,
maybe she'd have felt better, that's why.

So when someone tries to hide behind a smile,
make sure they know, pain will last for awhile,
but save those smiles for times of fun;
that way you may grow to feel less numb.

"Smile", she said,
"I want to cry", she meant.
Won't lie, my head would spin,
however I would still give her a grin.

I know how much it hurts to hide your problems behind a smile. Don't force yourself to keep up appearances to keep others happy; help them by helping yourself.

#smilescanhelp #smilescanhurt

Angel Dec 2017

Promise Me.

Promise me.
If something is funny, tell me so I can humour you.
Promise me.
If something is hurting, tell me so I can help you.
Promise me.
When you find that you're on your own, with no one to point towards a sign of light, find a spark and walk proud without sight.
Promise me.
When tears start to fall, let your heart feel- don't hide insecurities- stand tall and know that I'm here through it all.

Promise me.
That the day you oblige, settle or sigh, I want you to decide according to what you believe is right- no one should block out your brightness;
Promise me you won't feel hopeless.

I want you to feel joy, I want you to feel love, I don't want you to forget that I'll watch you from above-
Dear, Promise me.

The day I die, promise me you'll survive, go on to shine and continue to soar in the sky- I need you to:

Promise Me.

I had a strange daydream.

Angel Aug 2017

Getting better

I know myself, words placed in specific ways can lead to a flood of tears.
Hope is my own hero, a feeling that chases away my darker fears.
Things can become complicated if I let my brain contemplate for a while.
Are there others like me who hide behind their smiles?
Getting to a solution involves needing a problem.
Better try my best to keep up my strength then.
For one to understand, they'll have to go through pain.
You know to become happy there's no easy way.

Believe that one day struggles will become minimal.
That pain will one day be gone and let you go.
Things can be difficult in different ways.
Get away from dark thoughts that lead to blame.
Better try our best to escape reality.
For one to understand, they need clarity.

You will be fine, just don't decline when your heart tells you it needs some time to figure out what's really right; in a world that merely has hidden light.

Read the first words of each sentence.

Angel Jun 2017

Try

When a reality becomes too much for someone,
They may try to hide, they may try to run,
Yet somehow they're stuck being someone they shun.

When a person tries to protect,
They may lose themselves and forget,
The way life makes you regret,
The way your past is already set.

And for those of us who feel strong,
We find our strength doesn't last long,
Forcing yourself to belong,
Will only make you feel wrong.

Don't lock emotions, unlock your empathy,
Don't be too broken, you're only an entity,
You don't have to cry, it won't last forever;

In light, shadows will always sever.

The key to happiness is only a phrase,
Smiling can be classed as a repetitive phase,
Except that feelings contradict it;
Your heart never willing to admit this.

A key to moving on is to find yourself,
Some believe they can do this alone with wealth,
Some think they find this by devoting to fun,

But sometimes nothing has to be done.

Take a breath in,
Look at what you have,
Try to begin,
Don't be held back.

Holding it in will only cause pain,
Saying you're okay is a lie,
Go out and maybe you'll gain,
A new overall insight.

Before we start, we need a way to observe,
Before we continue we need a way to make light,
Before we give up, we need a way to gain nerve,

In life we really need to do more than try.

Trying can only get you so far. How many times have you tried to tell someone that you're upset and then changed the topic because you feel like a burden or as if they won't understand.

Don't feel like you're alone because there will always be people who understand.

#randomness #feelings #confusingconfusion

Angel May 2017

Goodbye:

I feel an overwhelming amount of fear as I watch you lay so still.
I feel anger and regret due to you not being fine.
I feel to scream and shout yet have lost most of my will.
I wish it was me at this time.

Yet tears do not fall from these eyes of mine.

I want to lose this painful ache in my chest.
I want you to stand up and laugh loudly.
I want this day to be an elaborate jest.
I want to be able to hug you again proudly.

Without the need to have tears fall so madly.

They cry around me, that they do.
As your body is lowered, happiness we lack.
They feel your absence more too.
They realise that you will not be back.

My tears shan't fall, else I'll have an attack.

Your Mother is breaking,
Your Friends are bawling,
Your Brothers are shaking,
Family lost and falling.

My tears are still stalling.

Each go their separate ways,
My feet lead me home.
We won't be the same for days,
I wonder why'd you have to go.

The tears fall down painfully slow.

Goodbye, I think as I imagine your smile.
Goodbye, I say as the tears finally pour.
Goodbye, I cry the tears held back for a while.
Goodbye, I finally mourn.

I shed these tears as your spirit surely soars.

I miss you, like we all do.

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye.

Loving someone is difficult but everyone dies eventually. It's how we cope and keep their memories alive that make a difference.

#someonedied #funeral

Angel Apr 2017

It's my life.

They all want something to do,
trying to keep them from getting to me.
They all don't think that it's true,
they really want something to see.

They all want some kind of proof.
How's my acceptance for your *******?
They want me to speak the truth,
I am, they just don't want to hear it.

Try something,
Option denied.
Say something,
That's not wise.

Keep smiling,
Start feeling fake.
Get angry,
That's a huge mistake.

Feel happy,
Something goes deranged.
Feel sad,
Nothing will change.

They all want something to do,
Okay, then find it without me.
They all don't think that it's true,
I'm sorry, how do you not see?

They all want some kind of proof,
My proof is this poem for your ****.
They want me to speak the truth,
The truth is you're so full of it.

Everyone gets upset,
Everyone wants to be heard,
Don't keep pushing your luck,
One day you'll get what you deserve.

It's not hard to do.
Just try to be kind.
Give your opinions nicely,
Then they won't mind.

If they do then walk away,
Have nothing to say,
Don't be swayed,
And don't misbehave.

Stay as calm as possible,
Try not to attack.
Trust those who are there for you,
Cause they've got your back.

They all have something to do,
So don't let them get you down.
They all don't know what is true,
They can't be impressed; don't frown.

They all want some kind of proof,
**** them, they're not in your strife.
They all want me to speak the truth,
The truth is "you're not apart of my life"

People should never try to force their way into your life, especially if you've told them not to.

#*** #few #swear #words