what am i supposed to do without you?
the rain doesn't sound the same,
all i can see and hear is That day we lost you.
"please text me when you see everything that happened.",
i can't unread that text from my best friend,
i couldn't stand nor eat.
i didn't think i could live anymore without you.
what am i supposed to do now that i won't see you anymore?
sometimes i doubt that i ever felt your presence,

i feel alone.

this was the endless cycle and the reason i am alone.

i remember you calling me beautiful,
i couldn't look at you.
you liked me,
actually liked me.
that's what scared me the most.
you wanted to hold me and i wanted to kiss you and hold your hand.
my stomach turned into a butterfly garden as the thought of you loving me kept me up at night.
i couldn't do it anymore.

it was almost a year.
longest relationship i had without feeling uneasy about holding hands.
it was one day in art,
painting a landscape for you.
it felt wrong.
it felt all wrong.
i couldn't do it anymore.

the fear caught up with me constantly.
i closed my eyes and forced myself to believe  that the love given to me was built on guilt and lies.

you make me itch.
itch to leave,
to run away.
you say i deserve better,
and i know i do.
but i can’t leave,
i can’t scratch the itch.

i'm scared of how important to me you've become in such a short amount of time.

within days you have rooted yourself into my brain,
occupying every passing thought.

you have secured your place in my heart in less than a week.

what are you?

i always forget,
that i can't reach out and touch you,
or visit whenever i want.

i keep thinking i'll see you again soon,
and that it's just a matter of time.

but, this.
this has shown me that nothing is set in stone.
nothing lasts forever.

especially not the good things,
they seem to pass the fastest.

you passed through my life so quickly.
i can't get you out of my mind.

please,
please come back.

it took two days,

two days for you to make me feel this way.

two days for me to become addicted to the feeling of your hand in mine,
your lips on mine.

two days for me to become reliant on the sound of your laugh,
the endearing look on your face when i embarrass myself.

two days for me to become so attached to you.

i tend to forget most bad things,
i'm not sure why.

maybe its to protect myself from the memories,
or to save myself from feeling that way again?

but i'm starting to forget the good things too.

i can barely remember what your voice sounded like,
your laugh,
the color of your eyes.

i can't recall the things we did together,
or even why we stopped.

you're escaping my memories.

and,
maybe that's for the best.