You're the end of my midnight cigarette. The drowning pour of this bottle of gin. You loved me in ways I never saw. You showed me love but all i gave you was heartbreak. I can't eat, i can't think. My life is nothing but memories of the ways you were. I miss you, i tell myself im fine. I tell everyone. Honestly though, I know that im lying. The hardest part of losing you is sitting here breaking my own heart.

I'm a mess
My thoughts are scattered around me as if a city in collapse has fallen
Your smile was so bright so warm and so loving
Now it's just the hardest reminder of a love lost
I would have given you everything if you had the patience
I begged for you to stand by me
I begged for your understanding and compassion as i fixed myself
I never once asked for your help
I never needed you to sacrifice
I wish i could take away these memories amd give them back to you
Because you loved me so deeply
Then you let me drown in this lonely misery

I'm sorry.
I love you endlessly.
You have been and will always be the one.
You have been there through some of my worst moments in life.
You have held me together when all I could do was shatter myself.
You have never asked more from me than i could ever ask from myself.
You are so strong and kind, you have been hurt more times than anyone can count.
Yet here you are, loving me.
I can hear, see, and feel the strain.
I know nothing I ever do could make you love me the way that youve loved him.
It wouldn't be fair to anyone for me to keep asking you for that,
And I'm not angry or hurt.
I'm just sorry
I'm sorry for all of our fights
All of my walking away
All of my demands and disrespect
I'm sorry for continuing to want more.
I cant say that I love you and continue to do this
I need to quit
I need to walk away
You're not ready to move on
You're not able to love me the same
You need time and space to find the same girl who I fell in love with
I came in at the hardest time of your life
And I've only been making it harder
I focus so much on my own actions
My own sacrifices and feelings
But my whole life I've always been told
Being in love means putting someone else first
It's just that noone ever taught me that you can be in love with someone,
And still be the person that tears then apart
I love you, so I have to let you go.
This isnt a reflection of you
Not a decision based on how you make me feel
Not about how you prioritize me in your life
This is because I love you.
I rely on you when things are so heavy that I cant shoulder the burden alone
And every time that I do i know I'm pushing you away more and more.
Please know that I'll always love you, please know that I feel this way because I love you.
I'm sorry

I wake up to the memories of you lying beside me
The thoughts that flood out just consuming
Every part of me is lost and not looking for home
Sometimes i think it's better that im gone.
Your kiss like nicotine on my lips
But the time flying by makes me feel nothing but bitterness
Everytime i see you with him and everytime my heart starts to beat again
You break it
Without a second thought or decision
Im chasing you but ive been left with only two options
To love or to be happy
The pain that you left is me here without me.
Because i am lost and cant find a light out
My heart is filled with ridicule and doubt
Of my worth or our time together
You made me believe that you were better and you're not
So the next time we meet itll be hello
And goodbye

I met you, a broken soul
Pieces flowing through life like a leaf in the wind
Your pain was heavy
The sadness behind your eyes was more
Like an ever so gentle heartbreak
You pulled me in with your words and your pain
I felt complete again
I believed I could be happy being your bandaid
But it only brought us both more pain
I loved your hand embracing mine
The late strolls we'd take on the beach
Our feet wettened by the rising tide
The moon high in the night highlighted the silver in your hair
Your youthful endeavors never quite showed your age
The sweetness of your I love you's
Masked the shame you were feeling
My choiceful ignorance to your pain wasnt love
It was selfishness and greed
I needed you a million times more than you needed me
And I never told you just how much I wished my words were true every time I whispered, "I love you"