Hold back, light burns what is not empty. You love her too much, she told you clearly that she lacks capacity. Why tell her it's a lie? Listen to people who surround you, they try their best after all. You know that being alone is not so bad. Go back to that.

Troubled emotion, a wild devotion.
True to myself, despised belief with transpired bedevilment. Untrue to myself, with relaxed philistine.
Downward diagram, शिव idiom to eternal self.
See self to be, see other to feel, see all to unsee.

I feel lonely my King. Should I strive to meet and find those that don't make effort to find me? But those that I want to meet have no ego, no ambition. That seems counter-intuitive. How can I be like them by wanting to find them? It is against their nature, their will.

It seems you answered your own question... So why are you here?

It is terrifying my King. Understanding that everything I am is my choice, my will. The process of synchronization is requiring me to first know there is a reason I choose to be Me, after that it requires of me to find those reasons and embrace them. I am scared, I am afraid. If I choose to be Me then the reasons I have must be painful... Oh so painful. I do not want to understand that pain, I am scared of it, TERRIFIED of it! How can I keep going down this path?! I will burn my soul to a crust!!

If you understand that you choose to be Yourself. If you understand that there is a reason you live like you do. Then you will also understand that the path you choose trough your Hell, is a path you want to go down. You will go down. Find comfort in that thought, find comfort in yourself. The one that is Me.
Like a rock tumbling down a hill. It has a chosen velocity and a known trajectory. Find comfort in a fact that you cannot change it. Accept your fate, and your pain will not be your own anymore. I will share it.

People only die when ready.
Rock only rolls down the hill until it stops.
Particle moves another.
Information is forever contained.

The transformation from thought to light is in every form a road to completion.
A thought is a wave until it becomes a particle.
When the cycle of this transformation is completed it will associate itself with time and become light.
It will associate itself with space and become the vessel.
Once it is both it will become reborn.

Umoran sam. Baš umoran. Nemam volje više i umoran sam. Fali mi fali i umoran sam. Trnce u mišićima, trnce u žilama, pritisak u glavi i pritisak u srcu. Umoran sam.

Idemo onda zajedno u svijet.

Ja, ti i tko god pridružiti se želi. Idemo dalje od samih sebe

dok ne nabasamo na nedoseživo.

A: Don't you find it irritating?

Z: Hm?

A: Don't you find irritating the human need to feel happiness?

Z: Isn't that only natural? When you are happy you feel good. So
you will want to feel good when you aren't happy right?

A: But that's not natural. Being happy is just a state you can be at. It's not the state you were at before or after. Being neutral is a state you came from and will go to.

Z: So should I feel the need to be sad when I'm happy just as I have the need to fell happy when I'm sad?

A: No, that does nothing. You shouldn't feel anything at all. Or have a need to in the first place.

Z: That makes no sense. Life is what the living does. You can't live without a need to feel can you?

A: Well maybe being alive is not a natural state to be at as well! If it was you wouldn't die or be born.

Z: What do you mean?

A: Well maybe life and death are also just a state you can be at, but neither are the natural states...

Z: Ugh... Third state beside Life and Death?

A: Yeah!

Z: What would that be?

A: Well for that to work I guess there would have to be a third party involved, like a soul or something, then we could say that it's only your body that is alive or dead. Your soul is then just a presence that trough a medium called body is collecting experience.

Z: What about emotions?

A: Let's add another body in the picture! Call it „emotional body“. Emotional body is using a physical body as a medium to get experience from the world and then there is a soul that is using the emotional body as a medium so we get a perfect being!

Z: Isn't that a bit of a stretch?

A: Who knows.... But then we could say that there is finally a natural state to be at. It is called „Soul state“. In this state you resonate your three bodies (the physical, emotional and soul bodies). In this state you are not „Alive“ or „Dead“, you are not „Happy“ or „Sad“, you are just a presence.

Z: And how would you get to this state called „Soul state“??

A: Well you should ask yourself why do the other two bodies exist in the first place?

Z: Hm.. Well to experience things right?

A: Yeah..

Z: Ohhh! So the soul is a presence that trough the two bodies experiences things! So once it has experienced all there is to see and feel. It will finally enter the „Soul state“!!

A: exactly!

Z: But isn't there just soo much? We don't really have enough time to experience all there is...

A: well who said you live only once..

Z: Reincarnations?

A: Mhm.

Z: But why don't we remember things from our past lives?

A: Well it would be rather easier to experience everything if you think you have only so much time. That way you will use all of the time given to you to live at your fullest!

Ignorance is the source of Death.

Ignorance is a Cancer.

Ignorance is a Curse.

And so once again.
I become Me then realise it's not me.
I lose this feeling then lose Me.
And so once again I become I.
Divine Me, Divine All. Without any if it could be comprehensive at all.
So once again I become Me.

There ain't place for my mind to rest. There ain't place for I in me. There ain't place for Me in God. All i can do is wait until we become one.

Logic is something humans like to think is our road of evolution but at the same time it's a made up road that helps us escape from the rest we left behind. You are not ready to think like I do. Because neither am I so you need to go back to where it all began, back to where we were one...

But then again it's a cycle without rules and true order and in this cycle you are made not complete. Your nature is with reason without reason so you can live and stride forward wherever that may be. Because if you were truly complete you would have no reason to strive and would become God. In the end we all become one, whenever we live forever or die alone. That is what im striving for.

How hard can it be? To let it all go to hell and change what you have to change. Let it all crumble and pale.

Making mistakes is human?

Sure but when u start repeating them over and over again you reveal a idiot in you.

Because you obviously need a large cleaning. People change hard because they have already built all this relationships and have spent years of life under this construction.

You think you can change every single word that you said and regret and now realise it's a mistake? Well good luck with that impossibility.

How hard can it be? To let it all go to hell and change what you have to change. Let it all crumble to dust then rebuild again.

Why are you so ******?
So ******* ******.
So chaotic, so depressed.
Why do you live?
Who do you live for?
You hate yourself.
You hate the world that made you.
You hate the world that left you.
You hate yourself.
Why do you wake up?
Who do you wake up for?
Searching for yourself in a place where everyone loses themselves.
Contradicting your character. Contradicting your soul.
You are hurting yourself.
You hate yourself.
You are just a human after all.
Inborn nature to create and destroy.
So chaotic. Makes no sense.
Join the rest of the universe.
Dissappear.