I don't know how I can want something
so much that I've never had,
I've never experienced but yet I still want it...
unfathomable would be the word to call it.
I have this feeling that's yearning inside of me.

You know when you can't put your thoughts into words?
but at the same time, you can?
You're just sitting there searching for the correct word
Racking your brain of all the words you know
So, you just settle with the "almost" perfect word
but you know inside that it isn't "the" word you were looking for.

This feeling I can't shake it, it has me in a daze.
A fuzzy cloud of fog that I just can't clear.
I can't bring myself to understand what is deep down inside me.
If I could just get a grasp of it
Then, maybe just maybe I’d be able to pick at it
Understand why, why it feels the way that it does.

Instead it's like I'm running on an endless road
I will never find the ending because it's out of reach
It's something I can't touch
and if only for a minute I think I have a grasp I fall apart...
It happens all over again
I don't know what to call this cycle but
I just wish it would stop.


It's like a solid rock in the middle of my chest
It's strung in my insides hanging on for its dear life
It shreds through my body as its shrieking echo's
bounces inside of me.

Then I find myself here searching for an ending
That I'm too afraid to let happen.
That I'll get all that I want but it'll be a big letdown
Because, it's not everything I thought it would feel like.

I'll have to face my worst fears; the feeling would come back.
It'll creep silently back into my life
I don't know if I can bare the feeling again it's an ache that never goes away.
It's always there.

maybe one day you'll feel the way I do,
it'll drive you nuts until it consumes you.

Angles,
Sides,
Degrees;
These are all the things that make up a shape.
People are sort of like shapes,
We have sides to us.
“no one else knows this side of me.”
He says.
Its funny how one phrase can make you believe, that you know a person.
I thought I understood you because, you said I did.
They say not to believe everything someone tells you,
I guess I ignored that piece of advice.
All I had to do was pay attention to your words…
You said “side”.
Here I was thinking that I was special,
I somehow unlocked the door hidden in the maze inside you.
As if the parts that I unlocked were supposed to be specifically tailored;
Uniquely sculpted to fit me perfectly.
I was silly to think I was the one that unlocked this side of you.
When you flip a coin, its not like you can’t land on tails twice once it’s flipped again.

In other words...

When you think you know someone you aren’t the only one.
People should’ve been made like shapes,
A square never changes form it stays a square no matter what.
People on the other hand change all the time,
Inconsistent by nature.

I.    Scared
This is real for me
This is love to me.
And some days I’m scared out of my mind at how genuine this is.
Nothing has ever felt this authentic to me, other than maybe pain.
This is new to me.
You read the stories and love is this all powerful magic and its so **** powerful that it scares me. It scares me that this thing, this emotion, may rip my heart out of my chest and leave it in a million little pieces.
I’m not scared of you,
I’m not scared of us,
I’m not scared of a fight,
I’m not scared of love,
I’m not scared of forever,
And I’m definitely not scared of heartbreak, my heart has known its scars and I’m not afraid of gathering more.
I’m scared of an ending that’s everything but happy,
I’m scared of the strength of my feelings,
scared I’ll let you down,
scared I’ll hurt you,
scared of anything and everything, all my demons coming out to play and every inch of me is screaming run.
I’m scared that I’ll run,
I’m scared of losing you,
of not being enough.
But as scared as I am, I’m willing to fight for this.
For us.
For our forever
Our happy ever after.

II.    Two
Two souls, more different yet similar than most, met while on their own paths.
They continued together for a while, like many others.
A poet and a soldier, each claiming their own hell, living in their own darkness.
Finding comfort in each other’s arms.

III.    Love
How do you measure a relationship?
By the future?
By the arguments?
I’ve always measured it by how far I could see down the road.
And honestly, with some I could see into 20’s or 30’s, but never the end of our road. Those thoughts were foggy, these are too but more clear, everything is blurred but your face, where with them everything but their face was clear.
With them, I saw lives I didn’t want, lives that were comfortably numb. I saw superficial happy endings.
But with you I see my forever.
I see 5 years down the road, chasing dreams
I see 10 years, building a family
I see 15 years, balancing life
I see 40 years, retiring
I see 50 years, walking down random city streets, hands intertwined
I see 60+ years and meeting again someday in another existence  

I see forever with you
I want forever with you.

Games People Play

The games they play are so real to them
It's a shame dreams fade & go suddenly dim
No matter how long they try to pretend
Sooner or later it comes to an end

It doesn't seem to matter of ones religion or race
It's the same the world over, so hard to face
They just go on thinking there's more to be found
How do we make our youth aware of the truth

My wife doesn't love me, my husband is mean
They still believe the other side is green
Remembering parents unhappy & bored
There must be an answer if we search our minds

Maybe God figured it out and made it this way
So the greatest love he gave to us all
Is love for all mankind that never would stray.