They say you have seven minutes of brain activity from the moment you die until your brain shuts down

Memories in pixel form flash before my eyes and disappear forever

I'm running in a field trying to beat my childhood crush in a race, the summer sunlight kisses my cheek and I feel safe, warm, loved.

At 16 I can see my grandmother cooking dinner as we rush to the table for a dinner with aunts and uncles that became a blurry memory in life

The cruel reality of death escapes me as my husband grasps my hand in Greece with my young daughter in his arms

Life brief, but heavenly.

Oh my dear, I am so glad you are here
With fingers so tiny, and duckling soft hair
What a privilege it is to hold you so near!

Veins through leaves,
Through rivers,
Through wrists,
With so much complexity to life,
I find it hard to believe death is so simple.

I wish I could set her down.
For she weighs on me, and what could I be?
If I ignored the talk of the town.

Sometimes writing is terrifying
Words come out like long legged spiders
Gross and impossible to work with

But you have to push to create
Face the fear of mediocrity
Allow fiction to sit with reality
Invite grammar for a cup of tea
Criticism arrives like a knight, blood of red ink
But the battle will be won

Language drips from his tongue like honey,
skin kissed by the light of God.

Pink beans to the light
you tretch like noodle
Bird passes, a call to action

Each day of our lives is but a page in the book, do not treat it as if it were the whole story.

Enjoy the fruits of your labor,
or the fruits shall become labor.

Love sits next to you
Like warm sun on summer swing
And I thank God for morning light
Next to your calm heart beat

i wondered once, upon the sea
in search of something beyond me
and in the storm i made my plea
please take me God, and set me free

but bow did rise against the wave
whistle of wind oh so grave
and storm of black she did brave
to new morn light the path she pave

when the smoke clears
and silence rings like static
Oh, shotgun in September
to my broken heart

crush my breath
like coal canary
Leave me gasping

red claws on your wrist
Was it truly her you kissed?

And at some point
we begin to understand
as familiar hands
become soft with age
this is all we have-
and we are grateful.

Is a *******
If seasons were people
He'd be Gregory House
Vicodin hungry
Volatile, Pins, and ******* Needles

gotta get my **** together
embrace the change like the weather
simply move on like a feather
but pain holds me as a tether
maybe i'm a boat docked forever
waiting sails up for the zephyr

you're a sunbeam in a box
i am lost in summer equinox
taste like candy, look like gold
waiting on you to hold

quarter til noon
maybe ive come too soon
and seems im waiting for Godot
just waiting for him to show
"on this ***** of an earth"
but for what it is worth

you made it tolerable.

is that there has to be a top.

we forget who we were
when we become who we are
some build walls of concrete
as if to keep out toxic memories
but they seep between the mortar
the lies we told drip like thick blood
and we turn cold at the sight
as if she doesn't have blood
upon her hands, upon her teeth
it as if the unspoken progression
reaps deep and unfathomable fear
fear in which the past anchors her fangs
prehistoric and sharp
rip flesh from bone

Sleepless nights comfort wounded souls
And I ask God why you left a hole
Perhaps love is not ours to control
But ******* does it hurt.

read: 337am

"You can't run from your problems".

Watch me.

hurt me
so i can say i told you so

Life’s a game.
I am about to flip the table.

Power will always
reside within the depths of
our own existence.

Morality is flexible,
Like my body against yours.
We’re all lost between the "I shouldn't"
But “I really want to"
Searching for some kind of virtue.

Cursed are the over thinkers
Not much worse than day drinkers

Rage will fill my limbs
Like spring Rapids through narrow bends

we strike with venom
when we fear pain.

Relax me like a rainy Sunday morning.
Honey at the back of my throat,
divine like Saturday wine

thought you were different.

illusions of grandeur
oh you're the master
wana get inside that mind
become entwined

just to see the gears
know your fears
do your synapses fire
as quickly as your comebacks?

Antique bookends holding it together
and pain holds me down
like skeletal shadows
only threatened by morning light

maybe i should drink the cool aid
play along in the masquerade
oh, you know the tools of the trade?

maybe *** doesn't solve our problems
but I sure feel at home here

thunder rolls
like the sleeves on your sweater
here I am hoping for better weather
I had a conversation with God
he told me he didn't know
and that just didn't seem right
but maybe if I hold on just a little longer
my future will look a little more bright

Mirror, Mirror on the wall
Will he catch me if I fall?
Will he even care at all?

Mirror, Mirror on the wall
Hit you like a cannon ball
Shattered glass and alcohol

Mirror, Mirror on the wall
Reflect my fate, the curtain call

shutter white canoe
on tropical spring waters
sways with two otters

pain sits on the rib cage like a soaked white feather blanket
once light and airy, comfortable
now clings to bone like the beginning of fresh decay
arms feel like honey when brushing the weight aside

"are you alright?" she asked sweetly, blush as rose from the sea's reflection

"I think so" her wife feigned a smile, but then ashamedly resumed her true form

in that moment nothing seemed alright
each breath seemed to tighten like a corset
the death of a parent leaves child wayward

lost

the riptide carried sea foam back to where it came from
and seagulls continued to inspect the shore
Mira was livid that time didn't stop

but the redolent smell of BBQ was what turned her stomach
how could people be eating when her mother was gone?
it was repulsive
an artist's nightmare
the trivialities of food and water
when such a deep hole existed.

Harley Quinn in Pop-Deco,
in padded rooms her nightmares echo.

The people we love the most, may wish nothing more than to hurt us so that they can feel a modicum of control and power in their own lives.
Like the black king, we must navigate the board with precision
We can choose to move with grace, or resentment
We can choose to set boundaries and demand self respect
Or we can allow them to continue to psychologically destroy and manipulate us out of fear
Fear that the relationship will disintegrate like a figment of the imagination
Fear of the thought of being alone, truly and unfathomably alone
And while we understand their traumas and their pain,
when we accept abuse,
we allow a scythe to cross our throats
because the substance itself is heroine
soon the pain and suffering, seeks out its kind
the kind of jaundice skin that clings to fragile bone
when we choose grace, we choose the lighter load
when we set boundaries and respect ourselves
we can begin to heal

when a wolf's hackles raise
nobody dare ****
for beast may bound upon thy neck
well sweet boy please understand
watch the ground upon your trek
for karma runs within the water
and when the river runs dry
lambs will face an unknown slaughter
blood on wool
you fool.

"count the ceiling tiles" the nurse joked
I wanted to joke
say I'd rather die
but seeing as I had just attempted that
perhaps I'd better lie

when the world is against you,
hold yourself closer.

warm salty water crashes against sunned ankles
black shepherd gallops in wisps of water
as child toddles where the sea kisses white sand

as the tendrils of the night fog
slither around thick oak
bull frogs sing  and croak
when grey dove coo
the morning sun stretches
and fawn bed close to mother
all peckers begin their work early
with red robins following suit
today red fox trots to the river
as honey bees rouse beneath quick feet

Love doesn't die,
It rests like dust.