i forget my hygiene
Like showering and brushing my hair
Sometimes it's not changing my clothes
And i don't mean for two or three days
Sometimes it's two to four weeks
Sometimes my effort leaves me in bed
And when i say sometimes i mean
I'm swallowing glass
That leaves my body though
New fresh cuts
its hanging around friends that feel like complete strangers
but not leaving because your afraid of being asked whats wrong
It's breaking down crying but not shedding a tear
Because your mascara will run
it's turning the hot tap but getting cold water
Staying in the bath until you feel something more than numb
It's getting out but sitting on your bed trying to be cold
It's staying awake till four only to sleep to four the same day
It's forgetting to eat but not wanting to
Craving something you can't have
It's knowing that you need to move
but staying still until you Can manage to drag
yourself away from the only place you feel safe
Sometimes it's forgetting how to breathe
But there's no instructions on how to breathe
Everyone says "your body know how don't think about it"
But now i'm more aware and i'm gasping for air but
It's not that i won't breathe again it's just the
"Everyone can breathe why can't you
It's easy  She can breathe why can't you"
"Nothings wrong you can still breathe
Don't ask for help just breathe"
"Why can't you be more like her she can breathe
Without making a big deal out of it"
"Stop pretending you can't breathe"
SMILE
Why can't you?
why don't they understand
"i just can't"

I love the memories of us
The ones that kissed me on highways alone at night
The ones hugging me in bed
The memories in old songs
And at the bottom of my coffee cup
The memories of us that keep me up
That are at 2% battery
That hide in your smile
And the ringtone of us

Why do i exist
The answer always changes
You were born to be loved
So why don't i love myself?  
Your here for a reason
Can you tell me why or do i just believe i'm meant to be
Why is it that i feel like i Shouldn't exist that i don't feel ok in my own skin that the safest i feel is around no one else
Most days i can't leave my house
i never make a noise when i scream or i cry so much vomiting becomes easy
I'm better off saying i'm fine pretending i'm not hurt
Only to question why am i alive

My rooms a mess and no matter how many times i clean
it ends up the same way over and over again
I could write off my sadness as beautiful torture but my red shot eyes and chapped lips don't seem beautiful my reflection is something i hate and my scars taunt me every single day

If you were to ask me why i'm writing this i couldn't tell you maybe right now i'm to emotional to think
Or prehaps i'm questioning my own sanity

I know what i say
Sometimes my heart just hurts
His got a girl
And i've got a boy
I liked him once
But im in love now
Honestly im happy
But even in a crowd
I see him first i say his name
when i mean someone else
And sometimes
It hurts

I wish to know if you miss me but I
Can’t ask I’m to afraid of your answer
Tell me on your own so one day
You and I will be happy together but
I know dreams are just dreams I’d
Love for mine to come true but
You will always be so far out of reach
Because someone else deserves you
I’m waiting for you but I’m
Afraid we will miss the timing.

Is love much more than a word
Because that's all you ever say
i love you over and over
Like a broken disk on replay
I don't know if you can show me love
Because our romance seems fake
Is i love you more than a word
Is it more than just
Fake

I wish life was easy
Simple yet demeaning
I wish i could dream of bigger things
Know where i want to go and who i want to be
Im always just daydreaming
I want to breathe
To see streets packed and kiss strangers
To have a romance with every heart i touch
And love on the deserted streets
I want nothing more than to leave my
Worth to others who praise me like a star
And worship me like the sun
I want someone to say i'm worth it
Because up till now i've been
Nothing more than worthless
So can someone cherish my heart
And kiss every part of me
keep my heart in a trophy case like its a diamond
Can you look into my eyes and tell me everything
Say you love me and let me believe it
I want my soul to stop yearning for a love it'll never reach
I don't need strangers to kiss me on the street
Just a man who can love me
And make me complete

i know i shouldn't be as jealous as i am but
seeing the heart on every profile pic hurts
and realising she wasn't just another girl
that you truly loved her
enough to say you'd **** her still
especially to me your current girl
maybe for you losing your virginty
was the same to me were you didn't care
but maybe for you it was a meant to be
so when i realise ill never amount to her
and your feelings could be lingering
it hurts
and i know im just thinking but its the thoughts
the thought that you'd go back to her if she asked that scares me more than anything