i forget my hygiene
Like showering and brushing my hair
Sometimes it's not changing my clothes
And i don't mean for two or three days
Sometimes it's two to four weeks
Sometimes my effort leaves me in bed
And when i say sometimes i mean
I'm swallowing glass
That leaves my body though
New fresh cuts
its hanging around friends that feel like complete strangers
but not leaving because your afraid of being asked whats wrong
It's breaking down crying but not shedding a tear
Because your mascara will run
it's turning the hot tap but getting cold water
Staying in the bath until you feel something more than numb
It's getting out but sitting on your bed trying to be cold
It's staying awake till four only to sleep to four the same day
It's forgetting to eat but not wanting to
Craving something you can't have
It's knowing that you need to move
but staying still until you Can manage to drag
yourself away from the only place you feel safe
Sometimes it's forgetting how to breathe
But there's no instructions on how to breathe
Everyone says "your body know how don't think about it"
But now i'm more aware and i'm gasping for air but
It's not that i won't breathe again it's just the
"Everyone can breathe why can't you
It's easy  She can breathe why can't you"
"Nothings wrong you can still breathe
Don't ask for help just breathe"
"Why can't you be more like her she can breathe
Without making a big deal out of it"
"Stop pretending you can't breathe"
SMILE
Why can't you?
why don't they understand
"i just can't"