My mind wanders
In these still hours of the night
To the dark corners of fear
Past memories of pain, past love
Wishing for rain to fall and break the silence
It’s loud inside my head
I know at times I’m difficult
My anxiety will fill me with delusions
I know you care for me in ways
Ways you don’t dare speak of
Because then it would be real
And when it’s real then it will end
You say things like it is good until it’s not
But I wonder if I am good to you
I know our lives have different paths
Now they are similar but they can change
It will be different and you may be gone
I try to remind myself that now is what matters
And then the tears come
Because I don’t know if it does matter
Nothing matters
We all end up as dust in the end
Somehow I can’t help but wish for us
To last till we are dust of the past
And that maybe our memories can dance
In the rain
When we are gone and all we are is dust
And feel no pain

Insecure
Unable to rationalize
Feeling like every word
You say is half truth and some lies
Sigh
And I have to let it go
Nothing matters to you
So why do I care
I try not to
Nor do I dare
Say how I feel
Anymore
Nothing matters
Just trying not to fall again
But I keep tripping
Falling
Picking myself back up
Reminding myself not to care
But then you’re there...
and I, I just can’t help myself
To fall for you against my better judgement
And then the insecurities
All the lies I tell myself
Keep knocking me down
Dragging me around
But I do it for you, because you add to my happy
Why am I sad?
You’ll probably be mad when you find
What goes on in my mind
But it’s ok, because it doesn’t matter
Nothing does
Yet here I am writing words