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173 · Feb 2019
I'll always miss you...
Slightly Lovely Feb 2019
When I get up in the morning,
I’ll see you.
...
All we ever do is pull apart.
But I’d love to see this through,
Cause Darling you’re more special than you know.
More bright than you’ll ever conceive,
Kinder than  soft words,
Softer than my mother’s silk pillows.

I miss you.
0~0
172 · Apr 2018
Secrets
Slightly Lovely Apr 2018
When you open your eyes,
Heavy from  sleep,
Your body trying to keep your mind out of reality,
And make it stay in your dream,
And no matter how hard you try,
You just can’t remember,
And yet the emotion lingers,
Leaving you nostalgic,
And feeling like you just left,
The most real and authentic moment of your life.
Well I have a secret,
Those nights when your mind wanders,
You are connected,
To that one person
The soulmate you haven't met,
That is why,
When you meet them,
It’s like you've known them all your life…
Some ideas, you just have to hold onto, for fear you'd fall apart without them. This is one of those ideas for me
171 · Jan 2019
Prompt #2
Slightly Lovely Jan 2019
January 3rd, 2018.
That is the day your music stopped.
I knew it would, but I could not have imagined how empty our house became.
No one else noticed that. They missed you of course, Mom, Dad, even our sister, but they didn’t notice the things I did.
Like when you came home late, those nights I was the only one up, raptured by my book.
Before your car’s light began to shine through my closed blinds, I would hear your music, playing so loud it would wake me sometimes.
I never minded though.
I would wait for you to come inside, listen as you whisper-sang the lyrics to the songs you loved so much, closing the door behind you.
I would lay down my book and just rest as you half ran up the stairs, opening and closing the doors between your room and the bathroom, getting ready for bed. When you finally finished I’d simply go back to my book, a smile resting on my lips.
Or when you sang in the shower. You either couldn’t hear yourself or just didn’t care how you sounded, because your voice would go on off notes cracking.
But it always brought a smile to our Mom’s face, softening the room.
I remember when you played your music upstairs, real music, loud and half hazzard.
But because of the constant ache in Dad’s head, you plugged your instruments into your computer, shutting us in a silence. But I would often still feel a faint beat in my room, your foot tapping the floor, your instruments silent but still thrumming.
I remember how youth-group changed without you there. I felt lost without a comforting face to look upon.
But it wasn’t until later that summer,when we went to visit you that i accepted the silence, because even though the music followed you, we were not together 24/7. I would never be able to live in it again.
That summer was a hard summer. But by the end I began to press play on a new track.
August 27th, 2018.
That was the day my music started.
Write about the day the music stopped
Slightly Lovely Mar 2020
It feels like parts of you are slipping through my grasp,
and all I can hold onto is a vague fog,
deepening around me.
I wake up, your touch on my skin, your name coming through my stuttered breaths.
And I don’t really know if it hurts less, or it just hurts differently.
So honey, can you please come back to me?
168 · Nov 2021
I'm alone
Slightly Lovely Nov 2021
No one will hold me,
and I'm shaking and sobbing,
as I drive the whole way home,
on the wrong side of the road.
No one will love me the way that you did,
And in fact,
I don't know if I'll ever be so loved,
But you left me
To cry in the dark,
And I'm starting to think,
That maybe I deserved it.
167 · Nov 2018
Three days
Slightly Lovely Nov 2018
You’re coming home,
Three days,
Three days and I’ll be pressed against your chest,
No more facetiming across the world,
No more calling at midnight while you pick up at 6am…
Instead of uneasy words,
When I cry you can hold me, you can twirl my hair and rub my back
Like you used to.
When I want to scream you can drive me out to the middle of nowhere and let me,
We can drive again, music blaring, voices singing,
hands out the window and smiles plastered to our faces.
Three days until I get my brother back...
166 · Apr 2021
I have a Liar of a Father
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
"I'll love you forever," you say,
Holding me against you,
as you twist the knife in my stomach
"I'll always protect you"
as your poisonous words
"I don't believe you"
rip my stomach to shreds.
"I'll always be there,"
a stark lie spoken the night after
you told me you wouldn't walk me down the isle
you're a ******* liar,
and I'm tired of pretending you're not
164 · Apr 2020
Reality crashes down
Slightly Lovely Apr 2020
Seized with a sudden desperation to hold this moment as close as I could,
to freeze it in time,
to protect it from the slow crawl of inevitability,
I closed my eyes.
      I barely allowed myself to breathe,
Scared to let the effervescent moment pop.
I wanted to cling to it, protect it, cherish it,
like a child cherishes a bubble,
for a moment so enraptured by its existence that they forget that it isn’t meant to last.
      But it’s over now,
and my eyes are open.
I’m still in love with you,
But do you even remember me?
163 · Nov 2019
i still love you
162 · Sep 2020
Could you?
Slightly Lovely Sep 2020
Could your delicate hands,
hold me?
Could your soft lips,
press into my face?
Maybe.
161 · Oct 2018
If You Only Knew
Slightly Lovely Oct 2018
If you only knew, that your depression, your despondency, would only last a moment...
I beg,
Don't make a decision that is eternal, for one period of time.
For one year of bleakness.
Don't deprive yourself of a happy ending.
If you only knew how much love for you I've been given.
If you only knew how many hours I spent praying for you.
How often I sobbed.
If you only knew how much He loves you.
If you only knew of the joy awaiting you, how, the life in every fiber of your soul is so incredibly inspiring.
If you only knew...
My best friend attempted suicide in 6th and 7th grade. both of those times i added something to this poem... It's not the best, a bit outdated and prematurely written, but it was a very healthy coping method for me.
161 · Apr 2018
Nonexisting
Slightly Lovely Apr 2018
What do i do
Can you please be concerned
Try to understand
My world ends almost every week
And you just stand there
I can’t do this without you
I deserve to sleep at night
But when your gone,
I wonder if your ok
School is getting so hard
If you don’t come back
I’ll be dysfunctional
I won’t come back
I’ll stay in my mind
Nonexisting
160 · Dec 2019
# 33 of my notes to you.
Slightly Lovely Dec 2019
I hope you never lose the fire you hold inside you.
It's one of your best qualities.
160 · Jan 2019
Bias
Slightly Lovely Jan 2019
Your skin threw me off,
And for that,
I regret who I am...
But I will work towards destroying my walls,
I know my biases are there,
And I will try to be careful,
Cause, believe it or not, I know it’s not fair.
I understand the wrongness of my thoughts,
And I hope we can still be friends.
Cause you really care....
159 · Apr 2018
Moment by Moment
Slightly Lovely Apr 2018
Best friends
The water rolling past our windows,
The crisp air pouring through the sunroof
Sunlight in our hair, Music blaring
****** hotels
Late night screaming,
To songs we all love
This is what it feels like to be friends

Staying up to talk
And going swimming
All night and day
Climbing up
On top of an antique car
Playing music, and stargazing
These are the things we’ll do
When we grow up together
Don’t you see our future
We’ll be friends forever

Sipping tea alone by a window in a new world
Remembering us and smiling
Texting you
Meeting up yearly
Time flying while we’re living
Hanging out long past,
While watching our children play by the water
Remembering us
Moment by moment.
159 · Mar 2020
im very small sometimes...
Slightly Lovely Mar 2020
like a little kid,
the sensations overwhelm me,
frustration and love and hurt and longing.
tears build up in the corners of my eyes,
as pleasure overwhelms me.
but you're not here
so i cry in my pain all night
159 · Sep 2021
Molten
Slightly Lovely Sep 2021
I want to ravish and scream,
I want to press my tongue into someone's mouth,
I want to press this burning into anyone else
I want it out,
Singed and simmering on someone else's skin,
This smoke so thick it could be solid to rest inside someone else's chest,
I  want to cry,
To feel numb
To let everything pour away, and never see it again,
Returning to withered ashes and bones yet again
Slightly Lovely Feb 2019
I'm here to stay.
Howling, your demons fight and scratch and scream.
I know Honey.
We're still best friends.
Hush your whimpers, I know they whisper in your ear.
Sometimes I can hear them too.
You're a queen and a broken one at that.
But I'm here now, to hold and keep you as best I can.
You can fight back.
I'll still be here. as hard as you push away. I'm still here.
157 · Apr 2018
T O R N
Slightly Lovely Apr 2018
You took me away
She needs me
And you tore me away

A friend, beautifully minded
Forever alone
Trapped in a darkness
And when she needed me most,
You took me away

I’m sorry
I'm so so sorry
157 · Mar 2020
can you even see these?
Slightly Lovely Mar 2020
im so tired of not being okay
156 · Oct 2018
Expectations
Slightly Lovely Oct 2018
A life of sun
A way of love,
I missed you all,
I don't know your expectations,
I don't know your love,
I can't think of why
you'd pick to be friends with me.
But If you want to,
I'd accept,
Because you've exeeded
All of mine.
153 · Sep 2019
Bye
Slightly Lovely Sep 2019
Bye
I miss you,
even when your face rests in front of mine.
I'm jealous,
Even though I was the one to tear us apart.
I should have kept trying to fall for what was already mine.
152 · May 2018
Leave
Slightly Lovely May 2018
Leave his heart
Forget his face
Surrender  his smell
You need to forget this place...
You're no longer his counterpart
Give up his embrace
Forget the fact, you knew him well
We'll never close this amount of space
151 · Oct 2021
hurt
Slightly Lovely Oct 2021
You said to me,
"Hurt me. Again and again, in the worst ways, and I'd still run back to you."
and I pressed my cheek into your soft hand and replied with;
"You could show me the worst version of you, the ugliest, cruelest, craziest, version of you, and I'd still think you were the prettiest thing I'd ever seen."
And we didn't kiss
but we wanted to.
oh, how we wanted to.
And we aren't together. We won't be together. And that ******* kills me
151 · Sep 2019
Avery
Slightly Lovely Sep 2019
I love you so ******* much that it hurts.
149 · Apr 2021
Dreaming of Death
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
People say to live every day like it was your last,
but they call you impulsive when you do.
I used to wish id die of cancer,
so I could call you,
see you again,
Cause who would say no to a dying 17-year-old in love?
And I'd still rather have 2 weeks to live spent with you,
than a whole life without you.
149 · Apr 2019
Hazy Nights
Slightly Lovely Apr 2019
If you were mine
I'd tell you how i feel
But we're separated by miles
miles of love
miles of brain blocks
This night i thought of you
As the warm sunlight drifted into a humid midnight
I remembered us
I layed on top of my poofy comforter,
all that covered me was the pleasant air
softer than its been all year...
The tiny fan I used to listen to, playing again
Covering me, back and forth with ripples of wind
I sat there and thought of white beaches and beds outside
The fan blowing over the two of us, snuggling closer this time
We were only five, but even then i knew
I wanted to make you mine.
147 · Sep 2019
come back
Slightly Lovely Sep 2019
i can tell you exactly how my heart is being ripped apart,
And you're not here to tell me;
"shhhhh Sunshine. It's alright. I've got you."
Oh, how I miss your arms.
I want your hugs.
Not talking to you is so hard.
When the person I'd turn to for comfort,
Is you...
144 · Apr 2018
Simply Sad
Slightly Lovely Apr 2018
I’ve been dreaming about you
And I realised, i never got to know
Until i realised that we were overdue
You were already gone
And your broken parts
Were scattered and twinkling
like the morning dew
In the morning dawn
Always out of reach
144 · Oct 2020
What is it about Autumn,
Slightly Lovely Oct 2020
that tastes of heartache?
That feels like longing?
Is it you?
Or is it the ghost I never quite stopped loving?
143 · Sep 2020
Can I touch you yet?
Slightly Lovely Sep 2020
She always smiles like she’s about to cry,
Looking at me,
As though she’s expecting a goodbye.
I’m not leaving,
But I can’t stay too close.
For I’m afraid to live,
But more afraid to die.
143 · Sep 2020
To love you.
Slightly Lovely Sep 2020
Lay with me in the rain,
  Walk with me in the twilight,
  Hold me in the dark,
  Sing to me from beside the fire.
       You glow on the fading sunlight of an autumn day,
                                                                The leaves falling,
                                       And so are you,
Dying
i love you still
Slightly Lovely Jan 2020
I like the feeling of being held.
So if i become a hostage, i do not know if i would struggle.
141 · Jun 2019
L I S T E N T O M E
Slightly Lovely Jun 2019
You ask for my opinion,
but did you actually want it?
It seems like you just wanted confirmation.
You ask what I'm learning,
And then proceed to tell me why all of it is wrong.
You speak
                 and
                        you speak
                                         and
                                                y o u
                                                            s  p  e  a  k

you speak without research or regard,
without consideration for the other side.
So for once can you just listen?  Cause this needs to be heard.

You are N O T  justified in oblivion.
You are entitled to your informed opinion, N O T your ignorance.
I'm sick of you talking about things you don't understand,
And I'm tired of your refusal to listen to me.
138 · Apr 2020
A golden, human thing.
Slightly Lovely Apr 2020
I awoke because fireflies buzzed in my lungs.
And I didn’t dare open my lips, lest the light spill from inside in a deluge of meaningless stuttering sentences that would never accurately explain the love I felt.
Instead it filled my chest,
molten gold pressing against my ribcage,
and I breathed as well as I could through the honeyed glow as I watched you sleep.
This was my favorite of their many faces:
no boisterous mask, no fire laced beneath their words, flames built to comfort or burn or blaze bright, blinding.
Without their mask, they seemed… human

Without their mask, they were beautiful.
Of course when I reawoke, you were somewhere else in the room, but god, how beautiful that moment was.
137 · May 2018
Shadows
Slightly Lovely May 2018
Then i plunge down, under the gelid water
And the world around me softens
I open my eyes to a familiar glow
The muffled light and the deepened shadows
Remind me of a time when all we said was “hello”

When you leave, i’ll still seek her
But she never left that stupid coffin
So it seems we’ll never know
The world beyond the shadows
137 · Sep 2019
Hi
Slightly Lovely Sep 2019
Hi
In a hazy faded blue,
I wish  for a dream,
one too big to see an end to.
One that could lift me on wings,
and take me to you.
137 · Feb 2019
I did
Slightly Lovely Feb 2019
Snow, drifting in and out of my mind.
Sun, shining through the cracks in my chest.
Rain, pouring out of my overflowed eyes.
Music soothing, writhing in my soul.
The world has shifted.
Ever so slightly.
Can you tell?
Have you noticed?
Well that's okay, cause I did.
137 · May 2018
Dreaming
Slightly Lovely May 2018
I am stuck, dreaming
I wonder what dream is awaiting me in this dark place
I hear my perfect dream calling
I see a floating, breathing thing
I want to leave, and then i don’t
I am stuck, dreaming

I pretend  i won’t wake
I feel as free as air
I touch my perfect ecstasy
I worry that my mind is a million miles away
I cry out, for i cannot wake
I am stuck, dreaming

I try to be heard
I understand what i must do
I say that  reality has a price
And i hope for freedom
I am stuck, dreaming
A school project, my teacher really liked it, so i thought i would post it
135 · Oct 2020
The Flames
Slightly Lovely Oct 2020
When the fire first started,
I ignored the sparks and smoke.
But as I grew,
I began to burn.
Hands exploring myself,
a new sensation at my fingertips.
I used to feel guilty,
like ******* was a sin.
But I don't feel that way now,
as whimpers fill the room,
hitched pretty breathing,
little whines and sighs.
I think I was created for this,
and God knew that the flames would lap at my body,
made me to burn and build and crescendo.
So I don't feel guilty anymore,
and I guess,
I never should have.
(this might be the most scandalous pome i've ever written.
Slightly Lovely Jan 2020
do you remember those videos you sent?
you would be singing in the car,
and your little siblings would be in the back.
You showed me small moments of your life,
shared a piece of the universe that makes up you.
I never told you,
that those really did mean the world to me.
134 · May 2019
I've Learned
Slightly Lovely May 2019
I've learned that doubt is part of the journey,
as integral and important as faith.
I've learned  that it can be easier to leave people to their own conclusions,
rather than try to explain a convoluted truth.
I've learned that love is not to be protected, but risked,
and that loving someone is an inherently dangerous act.
You taught me the difference between losing something you knew you had, and losing something you didn't.
And how you can only feel something by its absence,
by the empty spaces left.
And I know that soon, I'll get that feeling.
The one after you finish a book or turn off a movie.
Where I feel thrown back into a reality I don't want, one I don't belong to.
And my chest will become cavernous.
I'm losing friends
134 · Nov 2019
don't hide
Slightly Lovely Nov 2019
your love is hidden
and you dwindle into water molecules,
floating in the agitated curling mist.
my voice is scraped raw,
even though I never spoke.
Are you even there?
Are you hidden, or gone?
134 · Jan 2020
get out of my head mf
Slightly Lovely Jan 2020
a scream down an empty hallway.
that's what it feels to think about it.
as broken air conditioner hums along,
the darkness shrouding the actions of a man I did not know,
who's hands were in places they didn't belong,
and I wonder if that night from my childhood,
will ever really be gone.
I couldn't say no,
If I didn't know what was going on.
repressssseeeeeedddddd traummmmmaaaaaaa
133 · Sep 2020
Selfish.
Slightly Lovely Sep 2020
I dreamed you kissed me
That you loved me enough
To break it
And kiss me.
What a selfish dream to have...
131 · May 2018
Somewhere
Slightly Lovely May 2018
Deep inside of me,
I am torn
A book without pages,
An empty spine
Somewhere,
I'll find you,
I can't save you,
But i'll stay,
Like i always have...
Slightly Lovely Feb 2020
I still love you. But I'd rather just be friends. Because I want you to be happy.
And it's been so long since we last talked.
Slightly Lovely Jan 2020
I still love you.
I'll love you even from a million miles away,
even years from that last time we talked.


even from a different embrace.
130 · Aug 2020
Myself
Slightly Lovely Aug 2020
I took care of myself.
and sobbed through a therapy session,
I was the one to sign up for the next appointment.
I took care of myself
and worked through pages of homework, even when I could hear arguing from your room.
Even when tears fell on the pages and all I wanted was to run away.
I took care of myself,
When I remembered what happened,
hands under my nightgown,
My four year old brain not knowing what was happening.
I took care of myself,
When I bought a pride shirt,
And some middle aged women told me I was going to hell.
I took care of myself,
Even when you told me the God I know is with me,
Was against my very being.

I did it on my own.
So when you say you won’t walk me down the aisle,
Or pay for my wedding,
Or love me the way you said you always would...
I don’t need you. I learned.
At sixteen,
How to love myself,
And I did on my own.
**** my dad
129 · May 2019
Where are we
Slightly Lovely May 2019
I miss you.
Can we start over?
I know we both want what we had, but is that lost?
Can I come over?
Maybe explain and  introduce who I am now?
...
Do you still want me?
I cried myself to sleep,
Night after night.
Is this what it's like to be me?
I scream and kick and shout
Crying and tearing...
Should you know me?
Would you heal without me?
I don't know.
I love you.
Somehow, by becoming who I am, I lost who was most important to me....
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