If you kiss me now our eyes
will close and we will
push against each other
like fruit vying for the light,

In the nightpain of loving
our eyes will slowly open
and your face will wilt
until its cheeks and crevices
dim under the sad symmetry of
our public lives.

If you kiss me now I will forget
the grown repair of skirt alone
in the loud sound of memory
as it slips ever so gently away.


Caroline Shank

this year for halloween
im going as a slice of cheese
so i can scare people
with puns

now how do i begin?
o-que, so

i walk down the halloumi and see
my friends colby and jack

colby's dressed as a camembear
scary enough to make you go emmental

jack's dressed as the Cheshire cat
who listens to baroquefort

we all sit down paneer the window

"so teleme," i ask, "what's gouda?"

"i'll tell you what's gouda," jack replies eagerly,
"see that girl over there, fonTina?"

how could i swiss her, i thought, with her looks and her cheddar, she could make it gruyere down there out of even the LEAST manchego of men

"go talk to her, jack, it'll be a brieze"

"no whey man!"

"yes whey"

"man i'm too anxious, i'd rather talk on the mascarphone"

"what do you mean, you're the goat!"

"we can'tal be buff-alo like you, why don't you talk to her?"

"already dating monterey"

"i didn't know you swung both wheys"

"sometimes i feel like my sexuality was madE backwards"

"alright that's enough!" jack stammered. "i'm fetup with these puns! it was fun at first but it's gotten annoying. some of this **** doesn't even make any sense! just go man, nobody wants you here."

colby and i exchanged a solemn glance
i turned to jack
"..................ricotta be kidding me!"

"LEAVE!" jack screamed, and i turned and walked away


now it's time i asiago home
feeling blue, heading back to my cottage
sad and provolone

I want to go back.
Back to when everything seemed possible.
Into the pristine simplicity of our youth.

I want to go back to the night we almost kissed.
Back to when we were so close.
In the carefree hope of being in love.

I want to go back to the nightly texts.
Back to the wit between the lines.
In the inspiring ease of our conversations.

I want to go back to our dates.
Back to the familiarity of your arms.
In the unmistakable certainty that we belong together.

I want to go back to your laughter
Back to a pre-hurt-time.
In the casual openness of our hearts.

I want to go back to the summer.
Back to when my dreams were reality.
In the crumbling security of our relationship.

I want to go back to you.
Back to the strength to fight.
In the blissful days when we were talking.

I want to go back.
Back before we parted last time.
In the knowledge that it is for the best

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~      ­             
              
rainy days pave gateways
intertwining spirit, body, and mind

those were exactly the thoughts running through Caroline's head, as her half-empty boba cup provided support between the cold, metal fencing and her weary right temple. she pondered if this incessant rain would cease, and the chrysanthemums that grew behind the fence concurred.

she had been exploring the realm of visualization in weeks past. visualizing getting out of bed in the morning, getting chores done, and visualizing social situations before they occur. she was using it as a technique to be more productive and to ease her social anxiety. it had proven effective for her.

sick of all the rain, she started visualizing. her imagination fluttered with thoughts of clouds parting ways, of the brilliant sun beating down, heating up the fencing, and creating shadows which sprung to life the now-dancing chrysanthemums. she pictured hopping onto the fence and screaming joyously to the world, overcome profoundly by newfound sunshine.

while deep in her visualization, she felt a tinge near her heart. the same spot where she experiences the buildup of her most powerful feelings: rage, despair, and pure unbridled ecstasy. only this feeling was new, and she knew something big was brewing. she felt an incredible warmth expanding from her chest outwards.

Caroline slowly opened her eyes. her mind was just as clear as the sky. in utter awe, she wanted to scream and shout. to tell all her friends that the sun was out.

it was through those powerful visualizations
where she made her staggering realization

"everything in reality is all but fake
nothing is real except for what you make"

and she carried on with her day

My eyes, grey blue, have changed
And my vision, deep grey, has
Changed, much like the trees
On the mountainside have changed, much like the way the
Night fades into morning.  And
My mind has changed, has become a well tended garden.
And my tears, well they fall
As soft as the rain tonight, this
First day of October.

you tap
into my sickness
turning me on
to the nth degree
pure heroine
main lined
into an artery

i know it
i feel it
how wrong it is
how bad
you are for me

i’ve tried
to stop
this vicious
cycle
of self
destructiveness

kiss or ****
**** or fight
which one
will it be
tonight