And although I loved her,
Her name was a synonym for sad
And all the time I wasted clinging to her dying memory could've been better spent
On trying to escape the pain that I felt when I realized someone didn't love me

And of all the pretty girls I've loved, you were never one of them
Fragile feelings and toxic friendships
If you loved me as much as you said you did you wouldn't have hurt me
Because manipulation isn't love and I trusted you

Her voice is the only sound that doesn't cause my head to ache
It's soft and sweet,
Just like the rest of her
And It's at times like these,
When my demons are tearing apart the last shred of hope that I've hidden inside my heart
And my room is so dark that I'm starting to question if I'll ever see the sun again,
That I wish she was here,
Whispering loving words to me, our hands intertwined
Because when I am with her, the warmth in her smile and the feeling of her hands on my skin makes me feel alive
She is absolutely everything to me

I've grown to accept myself for all of my flaws and I am unapologetically myself. I feel more joy than pain.
I am in love with a beautiful girl who  is in love with me. She accepts my flaws and there is nothing that could break us apart.
My friends are happy and healthy. They are content with themselves and the life that they are living.

I am okay, and I will continue to be okay.

Warm chills on the back of my neck
Your soft smile helps me to feel safe
God, you're so beautiful
Everything I want to say is rushing through my head
"I'm in love with her, I'm in love with her," says the voice in my brain

Tears on the bus ride home as I think of you
Your energetic smile and frequent footsteps
Your friends intimidate me
They get to know every ******* piece of you
Jealousy keeps eating away at me like a beast desperate to rid itself of the pain of being starved
I want to know you like they do

I'd always hated cigarettes
At least until I watched you smoke
Icy hands and thin red lips
I'm convinced that you were determined to ruin me
Because every smile that you gave me made me want to join you
Out on the back porch, cigarette in hand
I no longer associated the smell of smoke with sickness, but with pretty thoughts of you
Your laugh
Your smile
The butterflies I got when your eyes locked with mine
God, I love you and your cigarettes