we didn’t have a picket fence
of white in our front yard
and lived from check to check most times
when times were pretty hard

we scraped and borrowed monies from
our families on both sides
and felt such an embarrassment
while swallowing our pride

through all the years this lesson called
self-sacrifice reveals
that only love that’s pure enough
survives the cards life deals

but if your love’s foundation’s built
on God’s forgiving Grace
your family withstands any storm
or difficulties faced

in Lord we trust to carry us
when we are lost and weak
we learned from past experience
in God we have to seek

so looking back upon our life
we saw that we were blessed
we always had the love that bonds
and strived to meet His tests

His love and yours is all i need
all earthly things mean naught
for where my treasure thus resides
be where my heart is sought

as i sing a song of sadness
see the notes drop down like rain
such an overwhelming melody
that haunts me now and then

and i’ll never stop the music
that is running through my brain
keeping time with every heartbeat
living off eternal  pain

when i’m crying out the lyrics
and the lyrics never change
see i’ve got it memorized because
i’m screaming out your name

when this requiem is over
emptiness is all that’s left
always knowing it will start again
until it stops with death

my heart is sorely broken
and it cannot e're be mended
there is a missing piece and
it has gone with Her to heaven

it has gone with Her to heaven
and it will for e're remain
till my time on earth has ended
and She's in my arms again

and when She's in my arms in heaven
both Our hearts will be as new
see her heart was sorely broken  
I held Her missing pieces too

reasons to live and one to die
these are the thoughts
from a widower's mind
darkness prevails and most often wins
drowning in sorrow, self-pity and sin
for each mortal step brings me closer to her
and God's mighty wrath i most likely incur
yet over my shoulder they're screaming at me
it's not what she wants and why can't you see
but if i choose life am i walking away
from the love of my life by prolonging the day
that we are together forever as one
this thought at face value is morally wrong
yet as humans we strive to avoid any pain
by whatever means and without any restraints
the decision does lie in the palm of my hands
to live with this pain and all it's demands
or slowly with malice drink till i am gone
thoughts of nothing but me, forsake every one
the choice is so simple so easy to choose
Lord give me the strength for it's my life to lose
reasons to live and one to die
these are the thoughts
from a widower's mind

last thoughts that i will have
shall ever be of you
anticipating what will come
when all of this is through

last words that leave these lips
shall be your lovely name
i’ll cry it out with passion for
as long as breath remains

last words that i shall hear
will come from our own child
it’s alright dad,  just go to her
i’ll see you in awhile

last breath that i shall take
will follow with a kiss
the one from you, the other from
the daughter whom i’ll miss

last days you spent with me
i’ll treasure for all time
just know that i’m at rest, li’l girl
your mom and i are fine

i know there's a tomorrow
where she'll be in my arms
when i'll thank God this time has come
and i've survived the storms

i know that there's a moment
when she will say my name
and i will fold in on myself
i'm finally free from pain

i know that she will kiss me
and brush away my tears
and without a word between us
we'll melt away those years

i know that from that moment
i'm no longer on my own
we're back beside each other
we're back where we belong

for once these moments happen
for once is all there'll be
forever in eternal bliss
I know it's you and me

the love of my life
my only love
my only life
ripped away
forever
the loss of her presence resounds
a reverberation echoing
through the halls of memory
each one so bittersweet to my mind
a laugh, a sigh, a tear i cry
the most horrible pain
ever endured
wanting
wanting
an end to this pain
an end to this life
needing
needing
a kiss
a hug
a new beginning
awaiting the new future
and the reunification of the twain

This is my heart
I've given you
I swear for forever
that it'll be true

These are my arms
that'll hold you tight
whenever you want
all day or all night

These are my lips
that speak of the love
that God has bestowed
on us from above

These are my eyes
that see only you
the joy at your sight
if you only knew

These are my words
I know they are few
to the one that I cherish
my Dear, I love you

do you cry in heaven, love
because you miss me so
or are you filled with happiness
because of what you know

for on earth i suffer, love
i've tears that kiss my face
i come home to an empty room
and loneliness' embrace

do you come to visit me
and kiss me as i sleep
and place your arms around me, love
to comfort as i weep

will i know the answers to
these questions i have posed
yes, only when we meet again
my love, my life, my rose

more alcohol has passed these lips
than waters fill the seas
more tears have rained upon this face
than storms could ever dream

so numb is just a daily goal
that kills my agony
unfortunate, or is it not,
it’s also killing me

i was responsible, my friend
throughout my entire life
but when i lost the one i love
it cut me like a knife

so pour a drink in memory
and pour another  one
for when the bottle’s dry, you see
the drinking isn’t done

the numb lasts but for just one night
it’s all to ease the pain
but when tomorrow comes, my friend
i’ll do it all again

your love shines outward
like a star in the dark of night
drawing me near you
like a moth to a flame
an obsession grasping my thoughts
can't get you out of my mind
and not wanting to
blinded and thinking of nothing
but to be near you
and the warmth of your tender love
so lost without you
yet no matter the distance between us
your love shines through
even the darkest of nights
showing me the way to you
guiding my soul to a love
stronger than any other on earth
so much wanting to be one
so much wanting
the love we share is a selfish love
kept only for each other
your happiness is is my happiness
your sadness my sadness
two lonely individuals become one

i sit within this darkened room
while contemplating death
examining my life ahead
each day’s become a test

i need to ascertain the core
and reason for my pain
because if i don’t find it soon
i won’t see morrow’s day

my bourbon’s neat and mind’s a mess
i’m barely holding on
it’s been some time since she left me
still mourning that she’s gone

i need to reconcile this loss
in turn becoming whole
for Jesus has prepared a room
for her eternal soul

my faith reminds that i will see
this mitigates my pain
is patience what i’m want to learn
‘fore i see her again

Lord please forgive my daily sins
these wages i have earned
i’ve gone through an internal war
i’ve lessons yet to learn

will e’re i see
what used to be
afore the days you left

my one beauty
was wrenched from me
i am become bereft

i wait on thee
as you do me
lone cries die in the wind

our souls in need
to be complete
desire each one again

once Death plainly
took you from me
and left but pain’s embrace

yet patiently
Death waits for me
then pain shall be erased

like a stone thrown to the silent pond
forever gone it seems
but in it's wake it then creates
a rippled memory

This mortal life on earth is short
we're born we live we die
we are the shooting star that
briefly crossed the nighttime sky

and with each life impressions leave
on every path thus crossed
they loved and warmly hugged our hearts
they're gone and now we're lost

but like the mossy stone arest
the bottom of the pond
although to us our eyes not see
their memory ripples on

Time took my baby
and later took my pain
now it shortens time it takes
till I see her again

When I'm feeling heartache
living pure misery
Time can bleed away the hurt
that eats away at me

Time isn't perfect
it won't erase the pain
as long as there are memories
the hurt will rise again

Time took my darling
and now it's taking me
So now I'm waiting to arrive
at my final destiny

at times I find it hard to breathe
as thoughts of you drift by
i reach out to these wisps of dreams
and bow my head to cry
for these are all i’ve left to hold
of these and nothing more
but love i need to give to you
this girl whom i adore

and in this life where once you lived
there now exists this pain
tormenting to my very core
to ne’er see you again

i’m suffering while in this world
a world without my wife
i’ll fall down on my knees and pray
that day i lose my life

for then we’ll be forever locked
into our lost embrace
from trembling lips i speak the words
i love you to your face

i was there the day she died
the day she breathed her last
i prayed the Lord she'd suffer not
it's happening too fast

we both agreed no life support
so many years ago
how could i see this circumstance
or this scenario

we thought she had a fighting chance
if some support were used
it was that time i gave consent
i'm tired and confused

we prayed for a recovery
she'd wake up once again
i realized the hour came
this wasn't in God's plan

i pray for strength and guidance, Lord
i knew what need be done
her body must release the ghost
death's time at last had come

i chose the time we'd say farewell
a Sunday in July
i never thought i'd see this day
this day of last goodbyes

a chosen few stood by her bed
i held her hand in mine
i finger-combed my baby's hair
her time was growing nigh

the staff removed all life support
she now was on her own
the chaplain hummed Amazing Grace
My God don't drag this on

babe it's okay now to let go
i'll be alright my love
it's time for you to take His hand
and follow God above

her little body gave out soon
her shallow breaths were few
then quietly she left this world
to start her life anew

so now i am a broken man
there's naught that can fix me
for now there is a piece missing
she has my heart you see

when death comes knocking on my door
and angels start to sing
and i have breathed my final breath
and  bells will toll for me

then will i know i’ll be released
from life’s imprisonment
and freedom will open the door
to all that’s heaven sent

all pain from separation from
the only love i’ve known
will dissipate like morning dew
whence daybreak’s sun hath shown

so please do not grieve for my soul
rejoice for time hath come
for we are once again married
in our Lord’s pure kingdom

how can one honor all our dead
a living memory?
a solemn prayer and mourning tears?
all borne of reverie

for each there is a time to mourn
and not too long ago
we gave our heart's undying love
and opened up our souls

for once there was a time we said
so casually each day
I love you so forever dear
no fears of come what may

and then there comes the day upon
one of the two be gone
survivor's suffering the pain
are not the lucky ones

so suffer all you gentle souls
and pray for your loved ones
for there will come a day for you
when all your work is done

This poem is an ice cube
just pick it up and see
the colors and emotions there
are frozen for all of time
please turn it over and behold
when up against the light
look hard and you will see it flash
reflections of yourself
feel the coldness as it starts
to melt and run with ease
through fingers numb with icy pain
and now with puddles in your lap
this poem's a part of you

If i could will my heart to stop
and breathe a final breath
i'd sit beneath an old oak tree
and trade my life for death

The pain in life of losing you
is more than i can bear
how can a man be happy when
his better half's not there

Life's meaning's gone when i lost you
no purpose can i find
for you were but the reason i
loved life and cherished time

i cannot will my heart to stop
i'm waiting for the sign
from God to show His mercy to
unite us one more time

we were
once
dueling banjos

i am
now
a lonely cello

if it shall be that i ne'er see
my lovely bride i miss
then i dare say i wish the day
hence i do not exist

for she be reason for my breath
and reason for to live
for with her present absence
Lord i've nothing else to give

oh married we at winter's start
so many years have passed
we fell in love scant months afore
blessed with a love would last

and on that day the twain be one
forever one we vowed
no man could put asunder what
Our Lord had thus bestowed

and though we've separated paths
in spirit we are whole
for Love shall conquer death's black veil
God's word has told me so