Sleeping is hard

When you are always in a dream.
When you never wake up.

I have disappeared into myself,
Into a mirror of my own.

My life disappearing into an endless void.
A void of possibility, of promise.

Why can´t I stay within my walls?
My walls of sleep.

Sleeping is hard

Not sad.
Not mad.
Really glad this came to an end.

Not upset.
Just can't be.
For a while you been bugging me.

So, sign the papers.
Whew, a big relieve because for months you been killing me spiritually.

So, I embrace your hands signing on that line.
Just to hear many say, it's about time.

Hesitation made me miss
Opportunities turned into a wish
That I made the effort to be in your midst
I took the present for granted
Now Im haunted by my inaction, when I reminisce
Plans pushed off and dismissed
Because I never considered a world in which you didn't exist
Denying delays processing, the news didn't stick
It took a few weeks before the reality hit
My numb stone face fortress diminished to piles of brick
Exposed and vulnerable
I've experienced death but none ever hurt like this
Life is fleeting, death is patient and waiting
Mortal shells fickle, their hold on our spirits strained with the days
The future perpetual in its becoming the past
Our lingering end appears random and quick
Indescriminate is the embrace of demise
Inevitable is its kiss
The debt of borrowed breath will one day seek repayment
Take time today, or spend tomorrow longing and aching
Don't waste life in fear, but never forget
You dont have forever, don't waste it wasting time
All we have is today, tomorrow never comes.

I’m not winning it
nor am I losing.
And it doesn’t mean I’m giving up.

The feeling lingers still
missing the fire that burned between us
the happiness we once knew
the joy of being together.

But the war is over.
Goodbye should be a quiet surrender
yet here I stand
still waiting for another hello.