I find myself drifting away more recently
Into a place in my mind where no one goes
No one knows it exists
Because it’s somewhere only I know
Where the grass is always greener
And the sun shines year round
Filled with chilly late fall evenings
And listening to the birds sing while in a porch swing
It feels like home
Because where I’m at is not home
The stress
The sadness
The burn out
That’s not where I want to be.
So I drift away

I’ve never been one for love.

Sure, I’ve been in love,
But I've had more pain than joy.
Willing to walk through a fire,
Just to get some stupid boy.

Until,
He came around.
He brings me peace, love, joy, and laughter,
He makes me believe in a happily ever after.
He gave me hope, faith, and trust.
Hope in love, faith in us, and trust in the world.

Here’s why.
I told him I wanted him.
And everything that makes him, him.
The good. The bad. The ugly.
The memories; sad, loving, embarrassing, funny.

Because I do want him.
And he wants me.
He made me remember,
That love can be good to me.

Mud covered boots, torn up soles.
Fractured mind, abandoning my role.
Running for miles, but I can't escape,
My boots remain loyal, I could never repay.

I’m not just in love with him.
I’m in love with his eyes,
Those beautiful blue oceans I could drown in,
His eyes are a gift, not won like prize,
Pure and loving, incapable of lies,
But it’s more than that.

I’m in love with his voice.
The way my name flows off his lips,
The way it calms me,
The way it drowns out the noise,
That rages in my mind, which feels like a void,
But my mind is the storm, and he is my calm.

But it’s not just him. It’s the things about him.
It’s his taste in music,
It’s his sense of humor,
It’s the fact he looks at me and ignore the emotional bruises, scars, and tears I’ve shed.
It’s how he treats like I’ve never been hurt before. It’s his gentle nature and calming tone,
And he truly makes me feel like he is my home.
So yes, I’m in love with him.
I’m in love with everything that makes him who he is,
And I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again,
I’m in love with what makes him, him.

"Keep your hair straightened"."
"Don't take your makeup off."
"Keep your stomach flattened."
"It's the breast you need to show off."

"Be seen, not heard."
"Keep your chin up high."
"Show them you're the only girl."
"Let them think your fly."

"I'm tired of the brand name clothes."
"These boots are giving me blisters."
"Powder your nose, smell like a rose."
"But is it worth losing friends that are like your sisters?"

Hours on the phone,
Days without sleep.
Exploring the unknown,
If only you were mine to keep...

I don’t know what to say about how I feel for you anymore.

I wrestle with my mind about your memory,
I thought you loved, cared for, and cherished me,
The same way I loved you. Cared for you. Cherished you.
But no.
I guess my first mistake was after I.
Because I thought these things,
You made me think these things,
But it was never proven true.
You didn’t show it,
I loved you and you know it.
I was hurting, yet you were too high to notice.
I was telling you how I felt but you chose not to listen,
You said you loved me but really you loved the attention.
And yet
I still think about you.
Worry about you.
Care about you.
You’ve given me a million reasons not to,
But again,
My first mistake is after I.
I still think, still worry, still care,
And after everything, my feelings are up in the air.
And that’s where they’ve stayed.

Is there a choice to love or to hate? If we had neither, would you open up the gate?

You see a pretty girl,
You see mascara eyes.
You see my bulky curles,
You can't see between the lines.

I feel the ached lased in my bones,
I feel the tears stream from my eyes.
I feel the scars weigh like stones,
I feel my heart withering inside.

You hear my name from rumors,
You hear me say, "It's not me it them."
You hear my heart is a lure,
You can't hear my cries within.

I feel the marks on my heart,
I feel the scraps you left behind.
I feel the burns on the layers of my skin,
I feel my heart shaking inside.

Expectation:

Laughter loud,
Fry stuffed faces.
Parents proud,
Every day; Ace's

Pillow fort makers,
Wrestling superstars.
Full time risk takers,
Jumping from high monkey bars.

Reality:

Broken glass,
Shattered dreams.
Hearts of brass,
Far-off screams.

Peeling paint,
Dented walls.
Laughter faint,
Shallow halls.

The late nights we were up with you,
It's like you thought it was a game.
You always tore my heart in two,
My brother, you have no shame.
     You had no feelings; and a cold, dead heart.
You made your self go numb.
Even though we didn't know from the start,
I never knew you could be this dumb.
     I've never given up on you once,
But you've made it really hard.
It's never been easy being raised with punks,
But I'm glad you're not up in the stars.
     Countless times, I´ve you´ve ran away,
I never said a word to you.
And now you're wanting to change your ways?
My heart is still aching from the bullets you threw.
     We´ve never been able to talk it out,
Fighting, our cold cruel ways.
You´ve alway´s given me reasons to doubt,
I don´t think youĺl ever change.