They say forgiveness is easy.

Have you tried it?
Have you tried swallowing a pill without water?
Have you been in a fire, wondering if the flames can get any hotter?

Or did you just say that because that’s what’s easy?
Forgiveness is the hardest thing to come by,
And sadly it’s not always worth giving it a try.

Why do we get judged by the look of our cover? I don't get it, this is childish, can't we talk to each other?
The things I do chase people off, I understand that I standoff.
"Did you hear the things she said?" "Did you hear what she gets called?" But the thing is, did you that I was Christian at all?

I’m fine…
Is what I say everytime,
When you ask if I’m okay,
I don’t wanna hide,
But I feel like you’ll judge me and I don’t know why,
I can’t tell you what’s going on inside,
But something inside of me, fills my head with lies, and I can’t control it.
My anger, my sadness, the rage inside,
Tearing me up, clawing me from the inside, Holding me under, a never ending tide, of self loathing.
Changing me into something I’m not,
Causing doubt within all of my thoughts,
Making me forget all that I’ve been taught,
Like how to love myself.
How to smile at the red headed reflection,
The girl who fell victim to the power of suggestion,
Because our society is so far from redemption,
That it’s become a battlefield between acceptance and rejection,
Girls filling themselves with plastic and lip injections,
For what?
To be pretty?
To be accepted by people who don’t know who you are,
To be adored by the community that left you with scars,  
The world that we live in keeps us behind bars, and shackle us to certain beliefs.
The beliefs of a place that don’t care about race,
You could be a kid, but they will always discriminate,
Will things ever change?
Will we ever be comfortable in our own skin?
No matter what side you on, this war will never end,
If your skinny, gain weight.
If your big, lose weight.
If you show of your skin your considered a ***,
If you don’t show skin, you may as well stay at home.
Because no one will want you.
These are the lies of our glorious society,
The place responsible for the suicidal thoughts I have of me,
For the deaths of sweet souls, crying out in need,
For someone to tell them their perfect,
To love them for the person they are,
To encourage them to chase the stars,
To tell them that they can colonize Mars,
Because we can’t do this in our own.
Self motivation is hard when you don’t love what you see,
Like when your down in a rut you think it’s as good as it will ever be,
But you are perfect.
Love yourself for who you are,
Whether your skinny, fat, or your skin has scars,
Love your stretch marks and puffy eyes,
Your back rolls, or your rib cage outlines.
Because society can’t tell you that your not good enough.
Because all society is, is people who can’t stand it when you love yourself for who you are.

As the lush green died,
And the sunshine left,
She wore a mask to hide,
Because every night she wept.

Her mother was happy,
The kids were distraught,
The father got really snappy,
So every now and then she fought.

She fought for her freedom,
She fought for her rights,
Her brother she "She don't need him."
All this anger and the feeling made her slip away in the night.

When the world had no color,
Life was dull and never bright.
And now with everything a flutter,
The world wakes up at night.

Mud covered boots, torn up soles.
Fractured mind, abandoning my role.
Running for miles, but I can't escape,
My boots remain loyal, I could never repay.

I could drown in your eyes,
I could faint in your smile.
I could laugh at your lies,
I could leave for a while.

I don't leave when your staring in my eyes,
I don't leave when your making me smile.
I don't leave when you tell me your lies,
I could never leave for a little while.

So why do you?

I find myself drifting away more recently
Into a place in my mind where no one goes
No one knows it exists
Because it’s somewhere only I know
Where the grass is always greener
And the sun shines year round
Filled with chilly late fall evenings
And listening to the birds sing while in a porch swing
It feels like home
Because where I’m at is not home
The stress
The sadness
The burn out
That’s not where I want to be.
So I drift away

Is there a choice to love or to hate? If we had neither, would you open up the gate?

I don’t know what to say about how I feel for you anymore.

I wrestle with my mind about your memory,
I thought you loved, cared for, and cherished me,
The same way I loved you. Cared for you. Cherished you.
But no.
I guess my first mistake was after I.
Because I thought these things,
You made me think these things,
But it was never proven true.
You didn’t show it,
I loved you and you know it.
I was hurting, yet you were too high to notice.
I was telling you how I felt but you chose not to listen,
You said you loved me but really you loved the attention.
And yet
I still think about you.
Worry about you.
Care about you.
You’ve given me a million reasons not to,
But again,
My first mistake is after I.
I still think, still worry, still care,
And after everything, my feelings are up in the air.
And that’s where they’ve stayed.

Her hand is where roses go to die,
Her heart is cold and made of stone,
Her gaze is where they cannot lie,
Her smile keeps her from being alone.

Why do I love you?

You don't love me.

You wouldn't give up your smile if it made me happy.
You wouldn't cry to take my pain.
You wouldn't take my place if I stared down a barrel.
You wouldn't protect me when my name is said in vain.

But the difference between us...

I love you

I would give up my smile if it made you happy.
I would cry to take your pain.
I would take your place if you stared down a barrel.
I would not let your name be said in vain.

We were fine
Then we weren’t
As if at the flick of a switch
Our relationship lay under the dirt
From whence it came
To where it stays
Tell me love
Is this the price of love I have to pay?

Your happy then your sad,
Your joyful then your mad.
You laugh then you cry,
You smile then you lie.

You marry before you cheat,
You drink before you beat.
You give before you steal,
You were never truly real.

I thought what we had was stable
Love is fragile
But our bond was strong
I thought so anyway
But it was fragile
Words hurt the surface but actions cause damage
But this time
Words hurt the surface
Words caused the damage
And now we’re in pieces
Like a jigsaw puzzle
Where the pieces don’t match
But I’d do anything to make them last..

You hurt me.

You’ve placed blame on me,
You’ve beaten me down,
Throwing rocks of anger and disappointment,
Not realizing that
Every.
Single.
Time, that you throw a rock,
You’re chipping away.
You say you want to talk,
But you have to get your way.
Because if you don’t,

You throw a rock.
And another.
And another.
Until there is what feels like nothing left,
So then you can convince me to repay my debt,
Of life.
Of breath.
Of my existence.
So, I picked up a rock.

And you shattered.
Suddenly, you were the victim.
I was “disrespectful,”
I was “out of line,”
But it’s nothing knew,
Since you say that all the time.

You threw rocks when you were the one in the glass house,
And when that got repaid,
You came undone,
And I will not take that blame.

I'm gone.

And if I'm not,
Then I'm slowly fading,
Erased from thought,
My mind degrading,
Memories on fire,
Existence blazing,
But through the fire,
I stand there gazing.

But...

I'm lost.

Because if I wasn't,
Then I would be found,
Raised from the ashes,
Like a phoenix heavenbound,
So I'll face the thrashes,
Of anxiety leaving my mind,
I am forever now ashes,
Of a phoenix,
That fell to the ground.

I’m not just in love with him.
I’m in love with his eyes,
Those beautiful blue oceans I could drown in,
His eyes are a gift, not won like prize,
Pure and loving, incapable of lies,
But it’s more than that.

I’m in love with his voice.
The way my name flows off his lips,
The way it calms me,
The way it drowns out the noise,
That rages in my mind, which feels like a void,
But my mind is the storm, and he is my calm.

But it’s not just him. It’s the things about him.
It’s his taste in music,
It’s his sense of humor,
It’s the fact he looks at me and ignore the emotional bruises, scars, and tears I’ve shed.
It’s how he treats like I’ve never been hurt before. It’s his gentle nature and calming tone,
And he truly makes me feel like he is my home.
So yes, I’m in love with him.
I’m in love with everything that makes him who he is,
And I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again,
I’m in love with what makes him, him.

Sweet tea, mud pies,
All I've ever known.
Praisin God, chicken fried,
This truly is my home.

Country accents, deer hunting,
Southern born and raised.
Shot gun shootin', foot ball rootin',
My life for the rest of my days.

Just a few dollars a month and we’ll make it go away,
Just take one with water at the start of every day,
In the same way you wake up every day,
These pills will be here, leading you every step of the way,
Out of the darkness, and into the light,
Then back to the darkness, where the symptoms lie,
Waiting,
To tear your mind apart,
To drive you crazy,
To weaken your heart,
But there’s no need to worry,
We have more pills if these ones don’t work,
So just take these and wait,
Until there comes the day,
That the meds stop working, so the doctor comes to say,
“There’s nothing more we can do, but we do invite you to stay,
We have a spot with Kathy, over in room 3A,
She screams at night, but it will be okay,
You’ll get used to it.
Now, we won’t really listen to you,
We have more important things to do,
Than to comfort a crazy mental issues,
But it’ll be okay.
So, what do you say?”

"Keep your hair straightened"."
"Don't take your makeup off."
"Keep your stomach flattened."
"It's the breast you need to show off."

"Be seen, not heard."
"Keep your chin up high."
"Show them you're the only girl."
"Let them think your fly."

"I'm tired of the brand name clothes."
"These boots are giving me blisters."
"Powder your nose, smell like a rose."
"But is it worth losing friends that are like your sisters?"

"I'm okay," says the teenager with hair covering her face to hide the tears.
"I had a good day," says the tired single dad to his daughters with a big smile.
"I ate today," says the boy with his ribs showing through thin long sleeve.
"I look good," says the man in heels too self conscious wear them in public.
"I'm not scared," says the young girl with anxiety on her first day of school.

You see a smile,
A soft glance of her green eyes,
You've noticed her before, but something new shines within her eyes,
Yet she's not much to look at,
Other than her *******, eyes, and thighs,
She doesn't look up from her phone or her feet,
She just keeps walking under the cold fluorescent lights,
As she feels the eyes of her peers lingering on her skin,
As if poking, prodding, waiting to get in,
You take her for granted, as if prey for your eyes,
But she's just a human being,
Not just her *******, eyes, and thighs.

I’ve never been one for love.

Sure, I’ve been in love,
But I've had more pain than joy.
Willing to walk through a fire,
Just to get some stupid boy.

Until,
He came around.
He brings me peace, love, joy, and laughter,
He makes me believe in a happily ever after.
He gave me hope, faith, and trust.
Hope in love, faith in us, and trust in the world.

Here’s why.
I told him I wanted him.
And everything that makes him, him.
The good. The bad. The ugly.
The memories; sad, loving, embarrassing, funny.

Because I do want him.
And he wants me.
He made me remember,
That love can be good to me.

I wear the mask that shades and hides,
All the pent up tears inside,
It causes pain when I have to lie,
When people ask me, I say, I'm fine.

I have the eyes that see the demise,
Of the people who will never realize,
How words cut and jab like knives,
Bruising and clawing me up inside.

That time of year again,
When the grass bares a light crisp,
The trees stand barren,
Air into sweet smelling whisps,
Of a season so fragile,
It comes and it goes,
With birds flying south,
Families coming home,
It's that time of year again,
Time to go home.

He will never see her break,
Not even 2 inches from Death.
Her best friend won't even shake,
Not even when she takes her last breath.

This will happen no more.

Her mind is racing,
Her fists are shaking.
Her best friend pacing,
Her anger is shaking.

This will happen no more.

Her and her best friend are power,
He will fall before our throne.
For we will not be princesses locked in towers,
No, he will be forced to change his tone.

This will happen no more.

I feel her presence,
I can hear her laughter.
It feels like forever;
It's only 2 years after.

We thought we'd live forever,
But all good things have to end.
She was caring, kind, and clever,
Lord, why did she have to ascend?

The drive to the house on the hill,
The drives the rivers.
The walks we took to The Old Mill,
Memories of him, beginning to wither.
It will never be the same.

Her heart ached to hear his voice,
She had missed the loud guffaw.
The tears she cried weren't her choice,
But its better to have loved than not at all.
It will never be the same.

Christmas, birthdays, holidays,
Everything still hurts.
Births, marriages, deathdays,
It will always stay and lurk.
It will never be the same.

You tell me pretty lies,
You protect me from the truth.
You look into my eyes,
And tell me not to fall for you.

You tell me about your crush,
And I dream that I was her.
You tell me not to rush,
But I don't wanna see you with her.

If you could see what's on the other side of the mental mountain your climbing, would you make it over? Even if it's heartbreak, or the lottery, if you had the option to see what lyes before you, would you look? Or would you let the anticipation of "what if" drag you to the other side? Or would you terry along the mountain, knowing not what lyes before you, dreading what's to come, or having the knowledge of what's on the other side?

Should I tell him?
Should I stray?
Should I want him?
Should I stay?

Does he like me?
Does he think I'm weird?
Does he want "we?"
Does he care?

Is he real?
This can't be true.
Am I dreaming?
I know you don't feel how I do.

Expectation:

Laughter loud,
Fry stuffed faces.
Parents proud,
Every day; Ace's

Pillow fort makers,
Wrestling superstars.
Full time risk takers,
Jumping from high monkey bars.

Reality:

Broken glass,
Shattered dreams.
Hearts of brass,
Far-off screams.

Peeling paint,
Dented walls.
Laughter faint,
Shallow halls.

Squiggled lines on a page where school work should be,
But her mind can’t rest whilst she’s writing a story,
Multiples stories, actually
Well, at least their endings
Looking at things in every perspective,
Trying to understand who went wrong and where,
Sometimes ending in happy ever after,
Other times ending in angst and despair.

Why must words be used so rudely?
Words are weapons, use them wisely,
See the world in all it's beauty.
But not even then, will you see what I see.

The friend we all wanted with a smile we all need,
she was funny and loving, just a regular teen.
Black dyed hair with platform heels, nobody noticed she was missing meals.

A song in her head with a knife in her heart,
these rude little kids were tearing her apart.
"Too skinny." "Too fat." "Too this." "Too that,"
This confused little girl was getting kicked to the mat.

Teenage life is a struggle alone,
but she was being bullied and had problems at home.
We spoke up and spoke out, but the school swept it away.
A perfect reputation was bound to stay that way.

This time she'll fight,
She won't ever let it win.
Depression fights with all its might,
And it has since she was 10.

This time she'll be ready,
It will never get the jump.
She will keep have her fist up steady,
She refuses to be in a slump.

This time it goes down,
She will always rise above.
She refuses once more to frown,
That's why she's told every day, "She's loved."