Today has been a good day
I feel stable
Today has been a good day
No bad thoughts plagued my mind
Today has been a good day
I got out of bed with ease
Today has been a good day
I showered and dressed myself without tiring
Today has been a good day
I didn’t think about dying
Today has been a good day
I didn’t obsess over the small things
Today has been a good day
I did a full day’s work
Today has been a good day
I even managed to smile
Today has been a good day
Because I’m alive

"Everything you are doing is wrong"
these words are etched in my brain
I try to run away, I try to will them away
but find no escape as they only grow louder and louder
My thoughts imprison me
They hold me back, they tie me down
they wish to suffocate me by drowning me in self-loathing  
until there is no part of me left untouched
It is only a matter of time
For now, I stumble against these words
fighting with every ounce I have left
but I am tired
The words grow louder, they repeat faster
encircling me and piling on until they crush me
"Everything you are doing is wrong"
louder and faster. Again and again
Nothing I do now can stop them
these words are forever etched in my brain

Doubt plagues my heart
A constant fog fills my mind
A reason to stay planted here
Is all I seek to find
The days are becoming longer
And it’s harder to get out of bed
I feel I’m making no mark here
And I may be better off dead
I fight this thought daily
And pray I may break through
But these thoughts keep getting louder
“maybe they’d be better off without you”

Each morning I wake up
And will myself to fight one more day
I keep trying to stay strong
But then forget to pray
Forget that He is there
And waiting to hear my plea
Yet I’m so caught up in this
That I forget He can set me free

My fear of the fire
Is the only reason I stay
So, I seek any source of comfort
Or means to keep these thoughts at bay
See, it catches you off guard
And derails any progress made
You’ll be feeling fine for once
And then you’re suddenly afraid
Afraid to wake up
And afraid to face what’s out there
Afraid that today might be the day
It all becomes too much to bear

I crawl out of bed
Put on my daily armour, ready to fight
Repeat these words in hope to myself,
“maybe today will be alright”
Paint on a smile, comb my hair  
And pretend everything is okay
All the while looking for signs
Whether or not I should stay