I didn't start hanging out with the wrong crowd, I became it.

In your hands
I shall place
sweetest flowers
little yellow suns
to hold you
shining

upon your palms
I will map days
follow hidden paths
traced through trees
to reach
quiet rivers

holding your hands
at the border's edge
free dive, trusting
letting go, to fall
our two souls
deeply connected

Day after day it seems as if I'm running in place. Stuck in this labyrinth. There's no way out. It's a never ending maze with dead ends around each corner. I'm searching in the maze, but for what? Something nonexistent? I pause and start to look deep into my soul for this thing. What do I see? Empty. Dark. Nothing. This thing is not concrete. Joy. It is joy. Happiness. Peace. Serenity.

as i sit,
sit and wait
sit and think
sit and deprive myself of humanity,
which doesn't exist any longer,
i start to question why
why did all of this happen
why now
why me
but then i remembered,
i'm a **** up and thats why

(a.b)

i’m looking for someone.
not just anyone though.
this person i’m searching for,
who knows how to make me cry tears of joy
and helps me laugh through my sadness,
has soft lips
and strong arms that can hold me down
or lift me high.

i’m searching for someone
who doesn’t make grand gestures,
expecting rewards in return,
but small, seemingly insignificant things
that warm my heart.

i’m searching for that someone
who is my friends first
and my lover second,
and we’d talk for hours on end
of nothing and everything
and all in between,
huddled together,
exchanging warm kisses.

i’m looking for that someone
who holds my hand
and gives me strength
and scolds me when i need it,
who’s mischievous and patient
and looks at me
and sees me
and loves me as i am.

. . . i am looking…
but will i ever find?