To my dear friend
I wanted to say that I miss you
I wanted to say that the rain feels colder without you
I wanted to say that life truly isn’t the same
I wanted to say that I just can’t find the beauty in small things anymore

But I can
And maybe life isn’t the same, but when is it ever?
And the rain is still rain  
And I don’t think I actually do miss you.

I wanted to say so much
I wanted to show much more
I wanted to fight for you
Die for you,
But how can I do that when I’m already dead?
And everything is ****
Because I expected more from myself
But when do I ever deliver?
Can I even deliver?

To my friend
I’m sorry.

I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you so much I like you
And maybe I hate you so much I love you
But I hate you
Because it’s you
Because it wasn’t supposed to be you
Because it was suppose to be conventional
And easy
Which has made me easy
To all the people I “like”
Which I hate
And I like that I hate
Because I hate that I love you
Which just *****.
Maybe I hate you so much because I love you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate that I love you
I love you
I love you
I