You remember dreams fondly
and wish they were reality
or you remember them
with the ice cold chill of death
creeping up your spine
They hold you captive
in your waking hours
and you plead with your mind
to remember them forever
or forget them in an instant
The terror may chase you
and the love of unreal connections
can wipe your tears
But all of this depends
on whether you are willing
to hold them and accept them
or let them go forever
You can do that
or you can let your dreams
hold you and accept you
You can allow them
to let you go.

Convergient boundaries
force rock and long forgotten heat
to the surface
just as babes are forced from
the idle disarray of thoughts
of which form the womb
and into the
alert, calculated and controlled thoughts
of which form their lives
Daily we tread on what we love and hold dear
All of what keeps us whole and healthy and alive
stomped out and replaced with plastic
and bad news
We mold ourselves into disfigured amalgamates
to conform to an image that we did not make
We are unnatural

I raise the glass of my eyes
and upon this action I drink swiftly your expectations
until I am full of you
Your heartbeat is my own
Your love is my love
Your darkness my deepest sorrow
Sleep Peacefully

I click my pen again and again
Again and Again and Again
click click click click click
but it still doesn't feel right
and the world is about to end
A thousand times I'll tell you that I don't know
I don't know I don't know I don't know
I'm so frustrated
But I can't stop talking
I don't know are my favorite words
and my most indecisive enemy
I wiggle my legs
up and down and down and up and up and down
I'll twist my feet
point my toes and swirl my foot around to make the shape of a heart
make the shape of a heart
make the shape of a heart
make the shape of a heart
Again and Again and Again and Again
You ask me what I'm doing but
I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know
A million times I'll blink my eyes
a million tries
to blink my eyes
Blinking and Blinking and Blinking
but none of those tries leads to triumph
because I still feel absolutely horrible
and my world is about to end
Six times
Nine times
Three times
I leap out of bed and I run to stand in the hall
but my mind tells me to go back to my room and I do
and then my mind tells me to go to the hall
and I stand there and then I run back
What am I doing?
I don't know I don't know I don't know
Why? Why? Why?
STOP
Stop asking that question
I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it
a million times over I hate it
But in the end I'm still stuck in the hall
clicking a pen
jumping up and down
Obsessing and allowing the Compulsions to eat me alive
and end my world

When I had nightmares,
my mother would shake me awake
because she couldn't bear to hear me cry
Now, today
She barely hears it
and I rarely ever wake up

Every touch is fire
and I'm sick of being burned