You're a warm person
It's not just your body, either
Your very presence heats up a room
Your mind is well spoken and you mean what you say
Some of them are angry, but mostly we're smiling
because your very presence is a blessing
and we're wicked to the core

The world is so beautiful
The trees are green
the sunlight is bright and warm
and the air smells of fresh lilacs
and everyone around me is so very beautiful
Such a beautiful, beautiful place
And then I open my ******* eyes
and all I can see is black
and I'm choking on smoke
and shivering because of how ******* cold everything is
And everyone around me is a demon in disguise
The world is an ugly place

I think back on every pill
and I am terrified
How high could I fly
if I could barely walk,
barely breathe?
How far could I swim,
when I was drinking down the sea
with every pill I tossed in?
The bland flavor and the eccentric,
electric aftertaste
The burst of color and movement
where none existed
made a dim room feel like a happy place
And the burning sensation in my gut,
wasn't butterflies anymore
Muscles torn apart, ravaged by the colors I consumed
Bleeding in every limb
I'm not hungry and I'm not tired
but you know that I'll still sleep
when I'm dead
I feel no cold, and I don't feel the blood pooling at the back of my head as I fall again
I pick myself up and my vision is blurry but I barely notice
because I still feel great
And then I'm laying on the ground and for the first time
I can't get back up
and I'm not scared because I see a light whispering my name
and I hear a voice telling me how slow my heart is
and another voice screaming into the phone
But I still feel great
I feel like I'm floating
I've finally learned how to fly, it feels like
And I close my eyes and the screaming gets louder until
it fades away
and I fade away
and everything around me fades away until I am
nothing
I feel nothing, I think nothing
I'm gone for a while
And when I come back I'm a child at the mercy
of multicolored scrubs and loud voices trying to talk to me
But I still feel great

I follow your eyes in the stars
and listen to your heartbeat in the wind
The leaves of trees brushing together is a song you whisper
and every wave lapping at the shore is the laughter of your heart
Each cloud moving across the sky is a happy thought
and every rainstorm a show of emotion
The movement of grass in a field is a thought you have
and a story that you tell is the tap of a branch on my window
The sun peeking behind a torrent of clouds is a smile
threatening to break across your face
And every time a bird sings, I listen, and I imagine you there
with me
You're my whole world

I am happy
I am sad
I am angry
I am bad
I hate this
and I hate that
I am silent
I am crying
I am screaming
but I'm still smiling

I place one foot before the other
I whisper to myself
It's only fifty feet, but it feels likes fifty miles
With every gaze burning through the back of my neck like a heated pan of judgement
Every person is suddenly talking about me
Every one is suddenly watching
Eying me critically
I grab a tray, get my food
The walk back is much more difficult
The whispers seem like screams
The eyes are red and raw and malicious
And when I sit back down
Everything goes back to normal
And I let out a shuddering, icy breath

The bitter tasting nightmare floods through my memory
Creeping up the stairs to the attic
You, faceless, close the door behind me as the lock clicks in place
And I, frightened, hear a noise behind the walls of coats
and dusty picture frames
I reach out, I lay a hand upon the wall, and I glimpse
the stairs, twisting and turning
A hand, blackened and purpled and shadowed with horror,
clamps it's icy fingers around my wrists
and I pull, hard, a child with the weakest limbs
I feel my lips pulling together, and though no thread bound them,
I find that I am speechless
I try to call for you, faceless ******,
you do not come
The creature drags me towards the wall, even as the nails of my other hand bleed, scraping against the splintered floorboards
Thirst for my blood drives this place
Hunger for my fears moves me closer to the inevitable
and I glimpse eyes behind the mirrors
before I finally speak the words that were stuck for so long
H E L P M E