In the gardens of hell
The people may call
For a soul to sell
Your blood will begin to crawl
The screaming you'll hear too loud
The pain you inflict so true
When at the top of the crowd
You become anew
It's not you anymore
The roles are reversed
It shakes you to your core
You're at your worst
So many cursed
But this time it's your fault
You begin to thirst
You're the assault

I've never felt this way before
I've felt depressed, alone, empty
I've wanted to end my life multiple times
And I've tried to as well
But today It's different
Right now, It's different
If in the past
I have tried knowing I wouldn't go through with it
Or I wouldn't succeed
Because I didn't actually want to die
But right now I know
That If I went downstairs
And took that knife
Or took those pills
Or that rope
I would go through with it
And I know that If I do that
I won't be alive tomorrow
And for the first time
I'm scared
I'm scared of myself
Because I want to do that
I really do
But I also don't because I want the chance to fall in love
I want to know
What love feels like
I want to know
What a proper hug feels like
I want to know
What It's like to live
Without being in constant fear of something
Of someone...
I want to feel something other than sadness
Or emptiness
Before I die
I want to know what being happy feels like
But I'm scared
I probably won't live to see tomorrow
Because right now
I want to die
And I know I will go through with it this time

I'm all alone
Sitting in this empty room
Staring at the walls
Not having anyone to talk to

I'm crying,
I don't feel loved
I don't feel accepted
I feel empty
Depressed
Alone

I want to talk to you
I want to laugh with you
I want to hug you
I want to BE with you
But I can't
Because I don't want to annoy you
Or bother you

And I feel alone

And I'm sitting here
On my bed
In my pyjamas
Crying
Wishing you'd text me
Wishing for anyone to call
I don't text first
Not anymore
Because I know you'll just ignore it
Or be irritated by me

And I feel alone

I thought I had friends
I thought I had people to talk to
Maybe I did
Did I do something wrong?
Why don't we talk anymore?
I didn't mean to lose you
I didn't mean to push you away
Can't you at least tell me what I did wrong?

But there are no texts
No calls
Not for a week
With you two
And with you, not four

I'm alone
Sitting here
Staring at the phone
Crying
No one to call
No one to talk to
And It's all my fault

And I feel alone

LI f E: A Prison.
Pain: Something I always feel.
Fame: A waste.
Blame: Something we all do.
War: Death, Pain, conquest.
Flame: Something we all have in us.
Death: Freedom.
Love:  No Definition Found.
Emotion: Pain, anger, hatred.
Definitions: A point.

I've tried keep him locked away,
Hidden, long enough that time
will erase him.
I hate him, but he feeds on my hate.
I need him, but don't want him.
I fight him, but he still wins.
But....

He is me