Back when fate was something so true we could hold it in our atlas laced hands things might have been different.
You may think that life can only be an ever consuming sleep but I wish to remind you that does not inhibit us from dreaming.
I believe that one day I will wake up with a knowing;
grasping at any tendril of that which may have been left behind,
with unconsciousness still lingering in my vision.
We learn, criticize and hope
laying in piles of uncreated art.
It is a sad comfort to be human;
a relief much comparable to tearing yourself from a particularly terrible dream.
And we will startle,
again and again,
repeating lines for emphasis,
until we find the truth.
It is then that the dream is over and we return to what is.
I'll talk about God until I meet him in the middle.
I'll talk about God until he comes to me in that dream.

I sleep on my stomach with my back to the stars
and I send my condolences to the moon.

I have learned that the earth is a beautiful place.
It is full of mystery, color, uniqueness, and vivid, lush life.
I feel honored as an individual to experience this world with a human mind and capability of thinking.
I feel blessed to be a human and able to fully comprehend my thoughts,
And reflect my feelings upon others,
In order to hopefully influence them to appreciate this knowledge as well.
However, as much as I feel blessed,
I do also feel disgusted and upset,
That the human race as a whole is capable of so much destruction and violence.
A majority of us are sick minded, and not capable of experiencing love for anything but themselves.
We must look past this thought,
And appreciate.
As living beings we must only appreciate and love,
And then we will gain full happiness.
As humans we can feel beautiful emotions,
Sense beautiful sensations,
And think of masterful things.
We can feel with such a vivid capability and yet none of us take a moment to actually appreciate that.
Humanity is beautiful, if we make it.
Humanity is disgusting, if we make it.
All my life I have appreciated the world and the universe with such an intense power that I have forgotten to appreciate myself.
I am hoping with time that I will be able to see that I myself,
Am a beautiful world within this world,
And finally be happy.

The clock keeps ticking and im still bleeding but the paramedics stopped operating right after I started asking for you because they knew I was a goner. These broken teeth taste like piano keys and jesus, why is it so cold in here? Hell isn't real and the punishment for our sins are these tattered lullabies and the photos hidden in the backs of drawers your mother doesn't look in. I met god once and all I remember is feeling the wind whistling through the exit wounds on my back as he tried to muster up the courage to ask if he could *** a cigarette. Nobody will tell me where you are and these fluorescent hospital lights won't cut me a break. I keep burning my mouth on this coffee because I guess I've run out of patience for everything except you. Even though I hope you question it sometimes, I hope you always wear your seatbelt. My nails are bitten and somebody forgot to tell me that the only two options when letting go are to drop it so it shatters, or release it so gently that it aches forever. I'm kicking and screaming but no one will look at me and it might be the painkillers but the only thing I love anymore are the bruises on my legs and jesus christ somebody change this ******* song.

It's been six months but I'm still waiting for the paint to dry. I'm getting better but the exit wounds on my back still start to ache some nights. And some mornings. And some afternoons when all I have to do is glance at my hands. I keep trying to bring flowers to your grave but I can't find it anywhere. How did we get this far from honesty? Why are my lips always chapped? When is God going to fix this? I'm sorry I haven't written much lately but I guess eventually you run out of things to say when you're talking to someone who isn't even there anymore. Nobody will look me in the eyes and everything is just wrong. The phone won't stop ringing and every time I answer I just hear a younger version of myself laughing and calling to my mother to watch me go down the slide. And I keep having this dream about a car crash and I always wake up after someone in the waiting room glances at me and whispers, "does she always cry like that?" It's late and I haven't stopped driving and the lights are all blurring but I hope it's never cold wherever you are and I hope you're never tired and you never burn your tongue and I hope that at least it used to be hard for you too.

And here I am
explaining to you how you put
people in your sky who aren't stars.
Here I am curing at you
and making you feel like ****.
And there you are hoisting me up
and placing me in your heavens
and ending our conversation with,
I love you and I will
Forever.