IdleHvnds

IdleHvnds Feb 20

Hopeless Romanticism - is what ails me
this ever longing for a connection with another soul.
The festering desire to be loved, understood
I fear as a society we are lost
never able to tolerate the company of others —
too busy curating ones own life in a realm that is not tangible
in the act of curation we eliminate any chance
in experiencing vulnerability with another
the painting of a perfect relationship
lacks the connection we desire so much.
We remain at surface level with one another
no longer interested in digging deeper.

#love #romanticism

IdleHvnds Feb 20

the jester

I’m not very good at speaking of love,
I fear I don’t quite understand it.
You see — I hadn’t much experience in it.

But, I curse the desire that builds every day in hopes
of finding it, feeling it.
I long for the warmth it brings, the safety and comfort
I hear so many speak about it, what I read about in fairytales.

My heart aches for some resemblance of it.
I wish to find someone to speak me —
Understanding the language of me,
who peers inside me, holds every pieces of me.

Cradles me, whispers to me —
I am loved, every fractured piece of me.

Oh, how I wish to know what that experience is like.
Perhaps, love is just not for me.

#love

IdleHvnds Feb 20

The teachings of flowers.

What do we learn from the teachings of flowers —
That one does not grow in poisoned soil.
In unfavourable conditions, we wilt.
But we can heal from the root,
When cared for and place in nourishing spaces.
We grow, sprouting new life.
The mighty stem, building stronger cells,
Your bloom becomes brighter,
Opening up to the welcoming sun.
We learn a lot from the flowers
One just need be observant of its teachings.

#flowers #nourishment #love

IdleHvnds Feb 20

The winner is...

Anxiety won…
The ever growing whirlpool
Beckoning me to be swept away ,
Slowly filling my lungs with doubt, fear and resentment
It swallows me whole,
Spiralling, further and further into nothingness.

Anxiety won…
I’m unable to pull myself out,
And I fear no one else is around to help me.

#anxiety

IdleHvnds Feb 20

the anxious writer

To be completely honest,
I’m not sure, what it is I’m trying to do.
Writing poetry, I’ve never really been good with words.

I struggle with conveying my thoughts and dreams
into something solid, I only envision shadows in my mind,
I can never clear away the darkness —
My conscience trapped behind a fog.
even know, calling it out.
It hides from me.

It’s lost, how I feel, any thought I had becomes a migraine,
I pressure I can’t seem to get rid of.

Perhaps, I’ve completely locked myself away,
so that I cannot be harmed any longer.

IdleHvnds Feb 20

Turning on the Gaslight.

Letting go — is something I need to practice.
Why should I hold on to things that cause me pain.

I stand here on fire, seeking no relief, engulfed in blistering agony..
I won’t allow myself to extinguish the flames licking at my skin.
In fear that I might be just imaging things.

I don’t cry out, I don’t say a word —
I watch as my skin melts,
beads of moister gathering in the corner of my eyes,
Rolling down my cheek, these tears give little alleviation.

I walk further into the fire, as proof to myself,
This isn’t bad, I’m just being sensitive.

#sad #sensitive #gaslighting #feelings

— The End —