The tears are all gone.
Face damp but slowly drying
Numbed beyond repair,
Sleep comes slowly
And in waves.
In and out,
Drifting in pain and sadness,
Nothing left to feel.
Only the darkness now.
No smiles left to burn
No laughter left to muffle
Just a living corpse
Nothing left to make it human
Yet the heart still beats
Broken, destroyed
But still beating.

No silence..
Just emptiness Hales.
I'm lost babe.
I'm confused and I'm hiding and I wish you were here.
I am so good at it huh babe?
You used to tell me I'll only be alone for as long as I want to be.
Hales, I'm breaking.
I'm slipping so fast.
And I can't get up.
I can't.
Not again Hales.

I don't want to forget
But I just can't remember
I could feel it, us sinking
Losing track of what made us
I lost myself in you
In your energy, your smile, the light you gave me
The hope, Haley, I found it again
That hope I ran from,
It's back and I'm scared
I'm scared to ask Hales
I asked you
Remember?
We were on the hammock all night.
Back and forth we went in time with the breeze.
One way, then another, fighting then kissing and crying.
You hated it.
You didn't want to answer but you did.
You answered and we fell asleep.
He smells like cedar Haley.
Mammaw always loved cedar.
She burned it after, you know.
I lost myself after
I'm sorry I didn't go to your funeral
In a way though, I've never left
I mourn everyday for you
And he heals the hole you left me with
Not covers, not fills
Heals.
I love him Hales.
You'd laugh and say handle bar mustaches were pelicans in their former life.
You signed my year book that.
I still have it.
It's blurred from the years I cried over that yearbook.
Our year.
You left before the next one was over.
Haley I love him, everything about him
He reminds me of that line we once heard. "His kiss bends me like a palm to the hurricane.
I crash against him.
Pushed to his feet, I beg."
It really is what we pictured.
He makes me laugh Hales.
So wild, but so cynical.
You used to tell people that about me
When I'd point out the problems in a joke
In a movie, cartoon
You used to say so wild but so cynical.
You were perfect Hales.
He's perfect babe.
I feel like a girl again.
I've been a woman taught how please for so long.
He makes me feel innocent. Happy.
He makes the missing pieces not hurt.
I miss you though.
I love you Haley.
I hope you're happy and peaceful wherever you are.
I hope you can see my smile Hales.
I hope it's almost as bright as yours.

She was there,

   She was there and then she wasn’t,

   We had time,

   If only for a moment,

   I could feel her, touch her, smell her,

   She was mine,

   But as we know,

   We only have a few moments in life,

   Time is a tool,

   That we’ll never really master,

   Time is something that we always want to go faster,

   But only when we’re young,

   And oh so dumb,

   To the fact that time is precious,

   Down to the very last second,

   I had her, for what felt like a century,

   But in the span of time,

   We were only a memory

I don't miss you, but I don't sleep with the covers tucked in anymore. I started changing the sheets more often and I'm doing okay, but I'll never flip my pillow the way you did.

I don't miss you, but I leave crumpled wet towels on the floor now. I bought a new one specifically for my hair when it has just been dyed, it's plain black. I hope your blue towel is stained pink forever.

I don't miss you, but I haven't watched the sunset for the last two weeks. I've started watching the sunrise instead. I'm tired of endings. I'm still doing okay.

I don't miss you, but every time I write about you my heart races and everything turns into darkness. My doctor would probably suggest a pacemaker. I suggest another drink.

I don't miss you, but I had to block your number to stop myself crawling back. I still remember it better than my own.

I don't miss you, but maybe I'm lying to myself.

I don't miss you, but I hope you miss me.

I don't miss you, but maybe I should.

Over and over I want to beg.
I want to scream out.
Touch me...
Use me please.
Let me submit to you.
I crave your ownership.
So dance with me, my lover,
Lead me around and around.
I'll follow you anywhere.
To the edge of the world,
Just one step behind you.
I'm floating in an ocean
Of want and desire.
I'm desperate for your touch...
The burning need..
I can't escape it.
But I don't want to.
No need to run now.
I just want more....
Please more Sir.