November, November, November
I kept wondering why November was on my mind these past few days.
Was it the Autumn weather? Or the festive mood?
Thoughts kept wandering around, spinning inside my head, when I realized I missed November because of you.

November, November
When our friendship turned into something more.
When I could kiss your soft lips and
hold you tight.

November
The month we might not spend together again...
You haven't left yet, but I already miss you...

Here I am, once again,
trying to wash away my sins,
unable to get rid of the imprint on my soul

At 2am
I get a sudden urge to call you, to hear your voice.
Your absence let itself be known and I worry that I'm
missing you too much. When I don't want to even think about you.
Banishing you from my thoughts has done no
wonders. When you still show up in my dreams.

At 3am
I have lost to myself.
I have called you.
But the kind female voice has informed me that your number is no longer valid. And I don't know if I feel relieved that you are no longer there to rely on, or worried. For your number was my
prayer. That I would repeat to hush my worries away.

At 4am
I realize that your absence has left emptiness that I will never replace.
I have already tried with all the possible options, and everything failed. Over and over and over again. And yet I still crave you like a child, who knows no better, craves sweets that will cause more harm than good. But my health cant deteriorate much longer. I won't survive till sunrise.
Maybe I should give in and finally accept this
emptiness as a part of me.
Allow it to live within me.
Give into the fear of utter consumption and loneliness.