Unlovable,
like a spider on your bedroom door that you
want to get rid off but are too afraid to ****.
Unnoticeable,
like the paperclip you misplaced and
completely forgot about.
Useless,
like dull scissors that don't cut.
Me.

At 22:00, I started drinking to ease the pain away, to
calm down, to let loose.
drink after drink after drink
Glasses are being refilled without my asking. A magic trick.
At 00:00, I can no longer stand but I still think straight, I
know I haven't reached my limit yet. There's
still a goal to reach, a purpose to serve. And I
drink I drink I drink
No longer knowing which glass is mine, I take a large gulp.
At 02:00, you are on my mind. Your face blurry, a man unknown to me.
Your faults are long forgotten. The ringing in my ear is replaced with your whisper, and
I want you I want you I want you

Is it a sin to remember you five years too late?
To think of your soft lips and rough hands?
To wish that you would come back?

The more I think, the more I realize that I don't mind sinning. I will make a deal with the devil, and sacrifice all I've got. I will bathe in blood under the full moon, and lay in a circle of crystals. I will do anything and everything.

Just please,
come back.

I don't want to be tied to you by this invisible rope,
existence of which you are unaware of. This
embarrassment is too much for me to handle. I don't
want to think of you the way one thinks of a lover. For there
is no love.

There never was.

If I could choose to be reborn as anything I wanted, I would
choose the sunset, in hopes that you would finally look at me.
Perhaps, I would choose the rain, with the intention of feeling your skin. Or else, I would choose the strongest ocean wave, so I could pull you deep down and keep you to myself

I will dance with you
when your energy surpasses that of the
sun, but won't that be easy for you?

I will sin more, because I know
I won't find you in heaven.
I will read more, to
feed my imagination of us together.
I will only whisper, so you are
forced to lean in and listen to my word.
I will become your sugar, your alcohol, your cigarettes, your drugs
I will become anything to make you stay...