I keep
Thinking on
An alternate timeline
Where

We order takeaway
You know, your favourite?
And laugh or cry
At how our days went

We sit in front of a TV
Your legs on my lap
And watch what can only be called trash
But it's bliss
And
Feels
Right

We go out
And you show me
Your favourite spots
And then they become my favourite spots
And we enjoy ourselves all over again

We make intense love
Mine and your fingers
Trace each others bodies
And find
Each other's weaknesses
And indulge in our pleasures
All through midnight to sunrise
and sometimes sunset

We fight
Our anger explodes
Yours destroying a piece of my soul
Mine shredding yours with stoic fury

We don't talk for ages
But somehow
I find you
You find me
And we bandage
each other's wounds
Tightly so they heal properly

And we grow old
We grow and we're happy
We've been together for so long
And nothing feels more right
Than being in our own little bubble

I keep doing this
And
I know I should stop
But what if
the possibility
Of this being an actual
reality
Is there?

We are together
It's clear
Never foggy
I feel each moment
I feel each embrace
Each tightening of my chest
It's burned so intensely in my
Mind

Tell me it's true?
Tell me it's not just
A fools daydream.

I know you're sick of this
Sick of this
Confounding admission of
Frustrating nothingness

You wait with baited breath
For my mouth to open
My tongue to unfurl into
Something, Anything

You see glimpses
Of mouthed words
But you never learned to lip read

So you try to cut my tongue
And douse it in stimulants
And for a moment
It wiggles and
Lets out a pitiful cry

however it flops over
Before rolling back and
stiffening

I know you're sick of this
Sick of this
stillness that emits
A raging flurry of emotions
That if you had your way
Would explain
a lot of things

I know you're sick of this
I am too
But saying anything
Destroys everything
And I'm scared
To bare and lose
What this is
Between me
and you

I think you know
where I'm going with this
I'm not in love with you
Honest

I mean yeah
You look exciting and exhilarating
Like the finest of wines in fancy glasses
The best in a dress that happens to be
Red like those songs

I think they're about seduction
Which you encompass
I must stop
Because all I'm doing is
Making my case bad
Look I'm not in love with you
Honest

Sure you
Take my eyes and
Glue them to your breathtaking smile
And other places
That make my imagination
Run wild
I am beguiled
At how I'm still carrying on
But still
I'm not in love with you
Honest

I mean
I enjoy your mind
and everything it decides
To tell me
It soothes me
Knowing that you
Choose me to be the one
That you vent to
It's true
There is no other mind
I'd listen so intently to

But still
I say
I'm not in love with you
Honest

Midnight has called
Me to sleep but
I fight it

This heat
Emanating
Through my skin
I despise it

Two mice
Scatter away
Through darkness
I'm jealous
of them

Midnight has called
But you haven't
Answered my calls
I have to
Accept it

Midnight has gone
And the rising sun
peaks through a red sky
I stare
right at it

The morning sun
Finds its resting place
And shines through my curtains
Leaving me
Exhausted

We spoke awhile ago
You said
“I think it’s time to leave”

I saw off my fingers
Throw them at your face
And scream
“Will these do”

You touch
My heart
And say
“You know those were never enough”

Can you not feel
The warmth of
A thousand summers
Emanate from
My lips

If not
then how about
A dozen caresses
From my lifeblood

If that’s not enough
Then how about
A feather
To test
Against my soul

Though heed this warning:
It will be
devoured
under
such toll

When we speak
Am I foolish
To cut our talks short?

In my mind
I spill and spew
Everything
And nonsense

I would
Love to pick your brains
And listen to every word
That leaves your mouth
To my questions

To hear your thoughts
Would save me
Sleepless endless nights

But I feel-
I know
My words are
Nothing more than
Fodder

A shudder
ripples through me
And though it hurts
When I bid you adieu
You have more pressing things
Than my unsolicited desires