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When I closed my eyes
I saw you, like I've done for the past whole month.
I was running to you-the good you
I was running from you-the you that hurt me.
This time it wasn't a fragrance nor a whisper,
It was a heart that seemed too sincere
I will always run to you in my dreams
because in my mostly childish naivety,
I dream of seeing your face and grazing it will my finger
I dream of kissing your lips and hearing you say you'd fight.
I wanna sleep forever, never open my eyes, because then we'll share a life,
And because then,
I am a teardrop and when the sun comes up, I'll fall and become a million grains of salt.
I will evaporate and no one will remember my existence... Not even you, because you've started wiping away everything.
You were busy
erasing every word I said,
replacing it with someone's words.

Your words remained fixed-
   you had to adjust them to suit who was new.
because none of them will say the words I said.
Am I nothing more than these thoughts that
I think?
Am I nothing more than the words that
I breathe?
Am I nothing more than the feelings that
I endure?
Am I nothing more than the scars that
I carve?
Am I nothing more than the times that
I try to end my life
If I am nothing more than all these things
Then why am I still alive?
 May 2020 Alternate Realities
L B
Some Northeastern PA red wine
on my darkened deck
a dog barks
a toad sings
to find his mate
I am something of a toad too
and drunk enough
I will sing with him
when you've lost everything

the song of toad will do
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