Oh Lucy. We meet again huh? Your crimson colored nails that held a cigarette between them. You always seem to find your way back to me. Back then, even when I was filled with false emnity. Oh do you remember me? Do you remember who I was before you gave me an identity? Is this even a reality? I was the boy who crushed roses between his teeth. The one who made you think there was something underneath. The boy who rolled trees inside of a leaf. Something strong to cling on to like an actual belief. But the cigarettes keep burning. You always tried to get me to smoke one. I almost said yes tonight. I almost burnt out like the sad, hanging courtyard lights. But maybe if I had taken it, I would've been alright. But I don't think I should always listen to my hindsight. I saw the smiley face she drew in the blanket. And she read the smile on my face like an open pamphlet. The experience machine that held my head, like the way she held your picture in her locket. Around her neck. And Lucy you had me feeling like much more than just some speck. The night still has to end. But that's why I am with my friends until I drop dead.

I almost said yes tonight.
I almost asked for a light.

I’ve been here before,
But somehow I was wiser
Back then, and lost now.

Doors open loudly,
Mysteries pouring out like
A broken faucet.

Hands reaching to me,
Pulling me to mouths eager
To devour me whole.

They take me apart,
Curious like a child with
A shiny new toy.

Then they put me back
Pieces missing, out of place,
Or just plain broken.

Eager to taste me,
Touch me into pieces though
I’ve been here before.

Remember that one time when I asked you if you remembered what happened way back when?
I forget what your answer was then,
but I remember how much it meant to me to be reminiscing with the Queen of Forgetting.

Remember when you used to care about memories?

And we went careening down streets while screaming in a mix of anxiety and exhilaration.
Each day blending with the next; driving past every chance we had to turn back,
living as if we were on a never-ending vacation.

Remember when you used to have fun? When fun was number one and everything else was boring?

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And when the Duchess of puking tried to kiss the Archduke of Douches.
Our toes a familiar sight while seeing double.
How we used to recite unrecyclable verses while climbing into the back seats of hearses.

Remember when we used to actually talk about things? No, not like this. I mean, passionately. Remember when we used to get so heated about a topic that we'd practically be screaming at each other?

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And swinging through trees that we'd climbed against better judgement;
passing under streetlights that painted haloes around our dark heads.

Remember when you used to laugh in a way that didn't sound frantic? When your grin didn't look so much like a grimace?

And going to public places in broad daylight just to read the faces of those who couldn't see beyond their own noses?

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And looking at our toes and hitting pavement but then bouncing up again to get caught in the hurricane of everyones' perceptions of what was happening

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Remember when you used to make genuine human connections with other people?

just to find ourselves in the Eye of the Storm, staring at each other, grinning in a way that isn't frightened or frightening;
Laughing in the way that isn't desperate or forced, but hearing it get warped by the howl of wind surrounding us.

Remember

How to

Wind that's closing in.

Misplaced feelings of lust and aggression.
A fresh new take on an old depression.
Watch as we make mistakes on purpose.
Hear us proclaim our own lives as worthless.

Misjudged values and dusty pedestals stacked chest-high with the best nonfacts - cracked down the middle.

None of this was ever about you;
just a made-up answer to an unknown riddle.

6 months
It said.
A trial run.
If you don't like it,
You can send it back.

I guess our love was kind of like that.

I believed
but never trusted
I hoped
But never had faith
For I doubt
It could ever happen

I know I somehow
Did you wrong,
As I'm not perfect.
I know I somehow
Embraced insensitivity,
As I'm a human.
For that I'm proud
To embrace the joy
We ought to have

I promised to
Love you always,
But I never promised
Not to be tempted.
I promised to
Never hurt you,
But I never promised
To be perfect
I promised to
Be there for you,
But I never thought
I could break

Even if love fades
Even if you move on
I will be on the shade
Trying to move on too
For your happiness
Has brought a smile
That is an inspiration

I tried and I failed