I’ve trained myself to suppress my hunger
My stomach has learned to be empty
Kept telling myself that I look younger
I needed to not let people forget me

So I said no to school lunches at 12
I didn’t want dinner to be too big
Which consisted of chips from my pantry shelves
yet my eyes would lie and call me a pig

4 years of one meal a day
Maybe some coffee in the morning
Which wasn’t easy, by the way,
Until finally my eyes were no longer scoring

4 years of hunger and insufficiency
And I’m still not strong enough to get over you
Sure, I can stand despite iron deficiency
But giving you up is something I can’t go through
I’ve trained myself to suppress my hunger
I’ll train myself to keep my heart from racing
And now that we’re not a year younger
Saying goodbye’s the only time we’ll be embracing

Used her ******* to write down her digits
Texted him while she leaned against the bathroom stall
Laughed at his joke while she coughed up her food
Cried because of him when she still wasn’t thin enough

Watching my life from an outside window
Wondering where I went wrong
Make my way to the chair in the corner
Across an empty room
How many times have I emphasized
The happiness over the strife
It’s the human condition
To be in this position
You’ll lie to yourself
Before you admit you were wrong

I'm in a state of contemplation
I'll need to apply some meditation
I'm struggling with how to say
that I think I'll never make anyone stay

But I tell myself it wont last long
soon I'll be writing another love song
but I ask myself if it's truly worth it
If the best I'll ever do is getting no benefit

I'm still young and I've got plenty of time
but waiting for something from nothing isn't sublime
to tell you the truth I don't think I can wait
but it's not like I have much say in my fate

The only thing to do is wonder
and watch my love life be torn asunder
time after time and the cycle continues
sitting, alone, reading take out menus

is there really such a thing as a sole mate?
or are people just looking for something they can't hate
to distract themselves with some illusion
which, coincidentally, causes much more confusion

I'm in a limbo between hope and giving up
'cuz I don't really know how to "live it up"
so I'll stay in my room and I'll keep complaining
since when did being cynical become so draining?

Last Christmas an ornament fell off the tree
The glass orb slipped from the highest bow
transparent shards replaced its pretty ivory
to this day I'm still confused as to how

I still remember when it was new and clean
It brought a great warmth to our collection
I think about all the Christmases it had seen
How many had seen its delicate complexion

it was given to my parents on their wedding day
and they hung it together, every year
but last year it fell and broke on Christmas day
and the only shimmers are found from tears

People talking to one another without speaking
walking by without stepping forward
ignoring without looking the other way
screaming without moving their mouths

yet here I'm sitting without touching the ground
without being grounded to anything or anyone
and I seem to be the only one breaking the silence
I seem to be the one who moves the feet below me

I'm feeling my  legs stiffening as I step
I'm not breaking the silence as loudly as I once had
I'm touching the ground and it's weighing me down
Yet everyone wants to be a "grounded person"

So I'm leaping off the landing with all I've got
Trying to be suspended as I was before
It's harder now knowing all that I do
But I have to get back to where I was before

I'm afraid, if I don't, I too will be stuck
falling into the same patterns as the others
never moving, never making noise, never knowing
what it means to be grounded
is being without doing

Thank you, dear poets, for your words of wisdom
Thank you for sharing your thoughts
thank you for all of the comments and views
thank you for sharing your plots

thank you for writing your feelings in lyric
thank you for all the epiphanies
thank you for supporting others, always
thank you for sharing your memories

As the rest of us know writing isn't easy
neither is sharing your work
so thanks, again, for letting us read
and giving us all a good smirk

Let my mind wander through green pastures
Let my feet follow
Let my eyes search the sea for a great Creature
Let my ship follow
Let my lips talk of love without having to speak
Let my heart follow

I used to drawing these big yellow circles.
They would always make me happy.
Every time I did, I expected miracles
And I know that that seems sappy.
But there was just something about it
That forced my mouth to smile
I wouldn’t even have to think about it
At least that lasted for a little while.
Things have changed now that I’m older
I don’t have time to look at colors
Now, instead of thinking they look bolder
They’ve faded like light through closed shutters
Is it just that time has worn me down
Or is it just the truth in life
That an innocent smile turns to a frown
And a happy yellow circle into strife

If they do something to hurt you
And they look you in the eye
With tears in the place of a smile
And all they can think to speak
Is “This is the best I can do, right now.”
Then you forgive them.
Because that’s the best thing you can do
For them

she leans against the tree
Wondering what life would be like
If her two became a three
Yet she rode up the hill with one bike

She wants someone to look at her
So she gouges out her eyes
She wants someone to listen to her
So she tears off an ear with her ties
She wants someone to dance with
So she splits her foot in two
She wants someone to laugh with
So she breaks off a rib to make do

She wants someone to sing to her
So she grips the voice in her throat
she wants someone to kiss her
And she tears the lips with the throat

She creates her own someone
And she loves him to pieces
But the one thing she forgot to give him
Was a piece of her heart

Whenever an indevor
I’d think of the meaning of clarity
Its simple beauty
Its blissful foundation
The feeling of everything
And yet the feeling of one thing
Clarity is a beautiful word
Yet now I find no peace of mind
It isn’t so simple
It isn’t so romantic
It’s all so messy
So clarity is not a beautiful word
It’s just an idea

“I’m not hungry,” becomes an anthem
For a nation of starving citizens.
They’re not at war, they’re not lacking in supplies,
They only seek to attain the slim silhouette of a pen

Here’s to the days we spent craving that cake
Here’s to the months we were counting our bites
Raise a glass to that tiny mistake
Of eating one peanut on that one flight.

A mistake like that twists your stomach into knots
You feel your body wake itself up
Your tastebuds start tingling as if they forgot
Any other flavor than your water cup

I’m all out of poems
I’m all out of rhymes
I’m boring, I’m tired,
I’m lacking in time.

Sincerely,

My lack of motivation

Why do I wish you were standing there
running your hands through my hair
Whispering compliments in my ear
Promising me that you’ll always be here
Listening to our favorite song
swaying, together, all the while long
Feeling your pulse against my cheek
Feeling my knees become a little weak
I could stay here for hours with you
Because I believe what you said was true
That people were made with a part of them missing
Only to find it in someone worth kissing

The lights went out
I let out a shout
I'm a bit scared
and unprepared
But I'm completely fine
It's just the power line  
So I talk to you
but it seems you're through
you're not enjoying our little conversations
which leaves me to ponder while looking at constellations
As if I'm not worth a call
As if I'm not there at all
So I sit in the dark with no electricity
Waiting on life to grant me some simplicity
Why can't my mind be serene, like yours?
Being the first to talk is always a chore

Love, you've hurt me here and there
I can't count the times I've been caught in your snare
But along these journeys, I've learned lessons
Like never to let heartbreak turn into depression

But now I'd like to ask you a favor
See, this time I truly think I'm enchanted
if you grant me this wish, I'll be on my best behavior
And you know, from the past, that I won't take you for granted

If you're planning on a soul mate
If you're finding me a whim
I request no fate
Love, let it be him

The one who I think of when I see the word "romance"
The one who finds his way into all my thoughts
the one who, I wish, would give me a glance
the one who ties my stomach into knots

If you're already working on someone
I'd rather you start from scratch  
for I fear these feelings cannot be undone
my heart is already planning to dispatch

If you're planning on a soul mate
If you're finding me a whim
I request no fate
Love, let it be him

I'm afraid my time is running out
The warmth is overtaking my brain
Though, now I know without a doubt
This new feeling is not another feign

If you're planning on a soul mate
If you're finding me a whim
I request no fate
just let it be him

Bumble Bee
Fly with me
Talk of tomorrow
oh blue sky
let me lie
hide from my sorrow
you and me
meant to be
despite our future
take the leap
off to sleep
this sweet dream suits her
why should I
sit and cry
It was her mistake
still this pain
leaves a stain
that blood was not fake
to the sad
poor young lad
sitting at the bar
never know
he may go
join the other stars

If I was in love with you, I would tell you how you've never left my mind since the day we last talked.

If I was in love with you, I would tell you that I can't remember the last time I had the courage to look you in the eye.

If I was in love with you, I would tell you that I laugh at myself every day for being in this much pain when I was the one who caused it.

If I was in love with you, I would tell you that I'm frustrated with myself because of the fact that I hurt you.

If I was in love with you, I would distract myself with anything to stop you from invading my thoughts.

If I was in love with you, you could tell by my expression that I wear a plastic face to cover up my exposed skeleton.

If I was in love with you, you would have known from the start that I've been in misery watching you try for me.

If I was in love with you, I would try to convince myself that the world's view on young lovers is the right one.

If I was in love with you, why would I hurt you like I did?

So I can't be in love with you, because how could anyone like you love me?

Curled up under the covers
My coffee cup in hand
Reading about young lovers
Trying to understand

I could stay here for hours
Thinking of only his name
Smelling his bouquet of flowers
Looking at his picture frame

But the morning has to end
I must wake from this dream
I remember I'm only his friend
I must get over this scheme

This scenario where he'd choose me
A happily ever after
Though my heart buzzes like a honey bee
Whenever I hear his laughter

I'll be there for him in the meanwhile
His quote-unquote wing woman
Seeing him all dressed up makes me smile
But it's not for me, it's for Lin

I feel you walking in the crowd
I see your face among the clouds
I smell your cologne on my old sweater
I know it was easy for you to forget her

The one who helped you through disaster
Now wears a smile made of plaster
The woman who called the rescue team
Is now the girl who only sees you in a dream

Just promise me you're happy now
And please forgive my furrowed brow
I'm still jealous of how you moved on
And left me in that place to fawn

I can't move mountains,
I may not be Caesar,
I won't lead thousands,
But I can try to please her.

Maybe I'm no intellect,
I don't know how to split atoms.
Beside you I feel like a small insect,
And I can't contain my enthusiasm.

I may not score the winning goal,
And I may not win first place.
But with you, I can't help but feel whole;
You make my meek heart race.

I don't deserve your excellence,
Not your beauty, nor your grace.
Just let me enjoy your presence,
and the warmth of your embrace.

Tu es ma lune, Cherie, tu es ma lune
Oh, on this refreshing fall afternoon.
your sister, starlight, tangos in your eye,
your brother, midnight, forced me to deny,
That I, you vintage and familiar tune,
Would be a fool to fall in love with Lune.

I had to forget you during the spring.
This lonely heart all tangled up in string,
knitted of yarn; of humble mellow mind,
a thread of strife, now a challenge to find,
would unravel if you gave me a ring.
My ticker would flicker, and dance, and sing.

Why was that a love of belligerence?
I thought, once, you'd be my deliverance...
Because this old forgotten melody,
Has never ceased to own my ears for me.
And this bitter sweet melancholy tune,
Sings all through my mind because of la Lune.

"X marks the spot to your treasure,
The treasure that holds your lost pride.
X marks the spot to your pleasure,
go have a look inside."

So I followed the careful instructions,
took one step left then two right,
I was detoured by flower's seductions,
then went back to the map's X growing bright.

At first I felt confusion,
Once I reached this so called prize.
This must be some sort of delusion,
Made by a child to fantasize.

But I looked at the map a bit closer.
The X was no location.
It was the map to my closure,
The way back to my past damnation.

"This is not my pride," I said,
Feeling as though the map lied.
Old pains flooded all through my head.
Because facing my past felt like suicide.

I saw your face, and I whimpered.
How I longed to hear you voice again.
My arms grew numb and limper,
Nostalgia multiplied by ten.

But then I stepped back and took in a breath.
I thought of the troubles that had passed.
Once I'd thought I'd love you until death,
Yet I knew that wouldn't last.

Because while you were once my love,
you were also my strife.
"I fly alone now, turtle dove,
I'll live a fruitful life."

I examined the map and I pondered.
these words were no mistake.
In fact they've made my memories fonder,
Shaped a jagged edge into a clean break.

I do not miss you any longer,
My heart no longer cold.
So if you're ever missing me, just look yonder,
To the map that helped me be bold.